


Waiting For The Fall

by avenging_wholockian3



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Adorable Castiel, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Angst, Coma, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, Hospitals, M/M, Protective Gabriel, Soul Bond, Soulmates, dean being a darling, snuggles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-07
Updated: 2013-12-07
Packaged: 2017-12-18 01:18:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 45,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/874041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avenging_wholockian3/pseuds/avenging_wholockian3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a young man comes into the hospital in a coma, Dr. Winchester advises his brother Dean to come talk to the guy and keep him company. Little does he know Castiel is aware of everything, almost as if he's a ghost, looking down at his unconscious body. The more time they spend together, the stronger their feelings develop. But will Castiel ever wake up? And if he does, what will happen?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> So a few notes before we begin.  
> 1) I know nothing of what its like to be a coma patient, or anything medical, or how coma patient situations are handled... So my facts my be incorrect. *Though Cas is a special case*  
> 2) I'm just getting to grips with my spelling and punc so I apologize in advance for any mistakes :s  
> 3) I own nothing. All characters etc. belong to Supernatural and Eric Kripke etc. etc.  
> 4) As this is an AU so Dean and Cas may be slightly OOC but I try to keep them in character as much as possible  
> 5) I hope you enjoy !!!! (rated M for later in story)

Dean stumbles down the stark white corridor, past row upon row of white doors. People swarm past him. But he doesn't see them. They're all blurs. All of them blurs. His mind is a swirling mess...

He wont know you? It's going to look so weird isn't it Dean? But he needs someone... doesn't he? But does he need you? Will he want you? Will he just thank you and send you on your way?

His feet keep moving but his mind replays each question with every step.

He comes to a halt outside one small door. It's the same as any other door along the corridor, but at the same time its the most important door he feels he's ever stood in front of.

He cant seem to move; to breathe as he wills himself to go inside, to open the door he’s opened so many times before. But this time is so much more different.

He doesn't move. Its not because he’s scared. No no no he's Dean. He doesn't do scared. 

Its because.... well, he doesn't know why.

He just needs to go inside. Just open the door and step inside and...

Before he knows it, the door is open and he's inside. Two eyes meet his. Two blue eyes. Two of he most beautiful blue eyes he's ever seen. Like copper sulphate crystals reflecting an ocean of rippling water....

….. And no. It's totally not a chick flick moment Sam.... Bitch.

 

6 Months Earlier

 

“Sam? Sam? SAM!” Dean bellows from the couch.

“What?” comes Sam's exasperated reply. 

“What time does your shift finish today?”

“Around 6 pm why?”

“Hmmm bring back some pie?”

“I...Um... Can't actually,” Sam replies, walking into the room, suddenly looking slightly flustered.

“Why not?” Dean asks curiously.

“Well... I’m actually, goingonadate,” he finishes quickly, but Dean catches him.

“Really? Someone I know?” He looks thoughtful for a second. “Scratch that, I don’t know anyone dumb enough to date you.”

“Oh, ha ha ha,” he says sarcastically.

“No seriously, Sammy, who is it?”

“Shut it, Dean.”

“Come on, Saaaaaam” Dean whines impatiently. “They can't be that bad?... It's not like you're dating Gabriel Milton or anything.”

Sam flushed a deep red. It was, in fact, a certain Gabriel Milton that he'd managed to pluck up the courage to ask on a date. After all, he’s liked the man since he first went into the small coffee shop next to the hospital he works at. Sure, Gabriel flirts at anything that moves, so Sam thought he was just teasing...That is until he asked Gabriel to have dinner with him.... And Gabriel said yes.

At Sam's lack of an answer, Dean's eyes widened and his mouth dropped. “Oh my god, it's Gabriel, isn't it ? Your going on a date with Gabriel... Gabriel Milton. Coffee shop Gabriel. The Gabriel that made you say, 'I have genital herpes' in the middle of his shop. Gabriel that flirts with everything. That Gabriel? The Gabriel you've been pining after. That Gabriel?”

Sam sighs, giving Dean a major bitch face. “Yes, Dean, that Gabriel... and I don’t 'pine'.”

Dean snorts and gives him a look that says 'Really. Don’t bullshit me?'

“I haven't got time for this, Dean, I've got to go.” Sam says, picking up his bag.

“Enjoy your date then, bitch.”

“Whatever, jerk.”

The door slammed shut with a bang, leaving Dean alone in the apartment. Three hours until his shift at Bobby’s Garage starts. “Great! Dr. Sexy re-runs, here I come !”

Dean was finding it increasingly hard to concentrate, however. Sam has a date. With a guy. That he likes. A date. Like, going out of the apartment, date. Sam, the awkward doctor with his weird height and floppy hair... Has a date and what does Dean have? No date.

That's not awesome, man. Not awesome at all.

Well he goes out with friends right? Sometimes. 

Oh god. He needs a life. 

Like seriously. When did this become his life? When did his little brother go on more dates than him? God he needs to sort this out like now. Pronto. Tonight. Tomorrow...Maybe. The weekend. Sometime. Also he’s 5 minuets late for work..... screw this day.

~Castiel~

Castiel wakes with a start. He feels disorientated. He can't open his eyes, the world is too loud, too bright …...and spinning? He falls to the ground and pulls his knees up to his chest, burying his head between them. Trying to block out the noise. It's everywhere, surrounding him. All this noise; constant noise. He cant tell whether he’s screaming or not. His mouth is open. 

It's his screams, but he cant stop, he cant stop the sound. He keeps screaming until everything starts to fade into a dark black oblivion. 

He looses consciousness.


	2. Good Morning Sunshine The World Says Hello

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean meets Castiel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here the story begins mwhahahah. Hope you enjoy.

Castiel opens his eyes and takes in his blurry surroundings as the world materialises around him. It's like this most days he wakes. Slow and thick. Like waking up from a coma. But that's the problem, he’s not waking. 

Every day he looks down upon his unresponsive body. Laying flat in the crisp white hospital bed.

The first time was strange.

***He woke with no clue where he was or who he was. No recollection of the past. Only to come face to face with himself. To say he freaked out would be an understatement. He screamed at the doctors that were sticking needles into his hands and arms. But it was no use; they couldn’t hear him. No one could hear him. He tried hitting them, tacking them, anything to get their attention, but his hands went straight through them, like he was.... a ghost.

Tears streamed down his face as he desperately willed anyone to listen to him, to see him. He backed up to the corner of the small room and slumped down in defeat, silently crying himself into exhaustion. The doctors continued to take blood and try and get him to respond. Castiel could feel everything they poked into his body. 

“I'm here. I'm awake, JUST LISTEN TO ME. I'M HERE... I'm...I'm here.” He shouted over and over again, even when it was clear that no one could hear him. Even when he knew there was no hope. ****

Is he a ghost? But he isn't dead, he’s alive isn’t he? Just in a coma right? 

He's going to wake up, isn’t he? 

That's the thing, he doesn't know. He doesn't know what is happening to him, he doesn’t know if he’s ever going to wake up, he doesn’t know what to do.

It's been about 2 weeks since he first woke up. He's found out from listening to his doctors that his name is Castiel. They cant find a second name. No ID either. No one knows who he is and they haven’t matched his face to any records yet. He apparently had his name written inside his shirt and shoes. Who does that? He does apparently! 

He's got into a steady routine.

He wakes.  
He sits and stares at his own body.  
He watches the doctors test him for responses or whatever.  
He shouts at them.  
He looses a little more of his ever fading hope.  
He contemplates who he was, what he is.  
He sleeps.

Today he wonders over to stand by his body. Looking down at his chest, constantly rising and falling. It's quite soothing to see the rhythmic beat of his breathing, it's soothing to be reminded that he’s alive, that he’s not dead, not yet.

The door swings open and one of his more regular doctors walks in. Castiel tries to remember his name … What was it? Sasha? Sam? It was probably Sam. Sam Win...Something or other.

“Hi, it's just me, Dr. Winchester, but you can call me Sam.” 

Ah that’s it, Sam Winchester.

“How are you today Castiel?” He asks even though he gets no answer. 

'Fine thanks, you know, no different.' Castiel replies to himself.

“Well your vitals look fine.” Sam continues.

'Good, that’s good.'

Castiel thinks it may be a bit strange, talking as if he’s having a normal conversation with the doctor. But it helps him keep at least some of his sanity. Anyway there's nothing normal about this situation anyway. 

“We still haven’t found any any family, but were still looking, were not giving up on you yet. They've got to be out their somewhere!” Sam says cheerily before walking out the small room again.

'…...Yeah, thanks' Castiel chokes out to the empty room.

What if they found no one? What if he had no family? What if they don’t want to come and see him?

What if he's alone?

Castiel walks back round to sit by his bed. He's not left this room since this all began, he wants to explore beyond the four white walls but he’s too afraid. Afraid that if he leaves his body something will happen to him. What if he goes too far and can't get back? What if staying in this room is the only thing keeping him alive? What if he needs to stay close to his body? What if? There's too many variables, to many unknowns. He cant risk it. Anyway, he’s not that desperate yet. He gazes out the window as he wills time to move faster.

~Dean~

Dean sighs as he walks into the apartment and slops down 'oh so gracefully' onto the couch, popping open an ice cold beer as he does. It's not been too busy at Bobby's Garage this week, he can't say the same for Sam though. If the constant moaning and groaning is anything to go by, Sam's week at the hospital has been hell. 

Although Sam can't complain. His date with Gabriel had gone surprisingly well considering considering that he'd been crushing *not pining, Dean* on the guy since like forever. Plus they have been on a total of three dates so far, which isn’t half bad.

Which is why when Sam is an hour and a half late, Dean isn’t slightly worried, pissed, but not worried. I mean they were going to order in pizza and watch the whole Star Wars Trilogy, you don’t come late to Star Wars.... That's... Just no.

Hence when Sam walks in he’s faced with a very cool Dean.

“Come on man. I've had a rough week and just wanted to catch up with Gabriel.” Sam says, breaking the awkward silence.

“Sure, it's cool,” Dean replies.

“No, it's not, I was only meant to call in for like 5mins but....” Sam tries.

“Sam, I get it. Its fine.” Dean replies with a slight smile. Its hard to keep mad at Sam when he looks like a kicked moose puppy.

“I know we were gonna...” He starts before Dean interrupts him again.

“We can still watch them, its fine. What do you want on your pizza?” 

“Pepperoni.” Comes Sam's muffled reply as he searches for the DVD's.

Later on in the evening, between the two films, Sam turns to Dean. His forehead is crinkled into a frown and Dean can literally see his mind fizzing.

“What's up Doc?” Dean asks, smirking as if he’s just made the best joke in the world. 

“It's just this guy that's been admitted. He's a coma patient, but get this, he was found on the roadside unconscious with no identification, no family and he has no match to any identification. We know his name is Castiel, or we guess that's his name seen as though its written on his shirt and in his shoes” 

Dean raises his eyebrows. Who does that? Apparently this Castiel dude.

“I don’t know what it is Dean, but there's just something about him. He's like in his thirty's, and he looks so out of place and..... I don’t know. He has no one, and I feel... Like he should have someone there with him.”

“He's in a coma Sam. It wouldn't make any difference if someone was there or not.” Dean replies.

“No... It... Ugh it doesn’t matter.” 

“Well can't you just nip in more.” Dean suggests.

“No, I would but I’m too busy. If I could then I would.”

Dean looks at Sam's pained expression and sighs. Right so he supposes he could, maybe, visit this guy, this Castiel. I mean it's not like he’s busy, and he has visited coma patients before, normally for a day or two before the family was informed. He supposes he could do this. 

“What if I come in then? Visit him?” Dean supplies.

“I think that would be good.” Sam replies. “For you as well.”

“What's that meant to mean?” Dean says, slightly outraged.

“Nothing.” Sam said hastily, quickly putting on the next DVD.

The next day Dean made his way into the hospital with slight anticipation in his step. He enters and walks up to reception, people swarm around him, but he's used to it now, with Sam working here.

“Hey.” Sam blurts from behind him. “You came?”

“Yeah, well I ain’t got anything better to do.” Dean grumbles.

Sam however grins widely and nearly drags him down the corridors until their standing in front of a small white door with a hand scrawled name plate of 'Castiel' in the middle.

“Right, so this is him. I've got to go, so I’ll see you later. Oh and I have a date with Gabriel, so I'm not going to be back until late.” Sam rambles.

“Sure, have a good time, and all that.” Dean replies flapping his hands about in an attempt to make sense.

Dean opens the door and steps inside quietly, he holds the handle until he hears the soft 'click' before he turns around. 

Dark brown, nearly black, hair contrasts the pure white hospital bed. Slight stubble covers his chin, making his jaw line more defined. Dean thinks he's ….. Well, gorgeous. He looks so peaceful, content, his face is perfect in every angle. Dean can tell what Sam was saying, about him needing someone. He doesn’t know what it is about the man, he just looks so innocent, it pains Dean to see him here alone. He should have someone with him. Anyone. Dean has never had a stronger feeling that this guy needs someone. I mean, heaven knows that Dean isn't qualified for anything like this, he’s not worthy for such a job, but he cant seem to move. Stuck to the floor in front of the bed with an overwhelming need to spend as much time with this man as possible. Which is strange, Dean thinks, seen as though the man is in a coma and he’s never met him before in his life.

~Castiel~

Another day is dragging on, like the many before it, in the slowest most monotone way. He's taken to talking to himself, which he’s sure means he’s going crazy. But then again, he’s looking over his unresponsive body and he’s basically a ghost, so what's crazy and what's not in this situation. 

However this day takes an unexpected twist when a unfamiliar man slips quietly into his room.

Castiel head perks up as he hears the door click open and looks into the most gorgeous emerald eyes he’s ever laid eyes on. You think he’s exaggerating, but no. The man is startlingly handsome, with the ragged leather jacket and his perfect jaw. Castiel spends a considerable time staring at him before the question pops into his head, what is he doing here?

He seems to be intently staring at Castiel's body, which is …. A bit strange.

'Hey, it's rude to stare. You can't hear me, but I’m going to tell you anyway.”

Handsome leather jacket keeps staring.

'Yeah um... Hey, who even are you?'

…........................

'Okay, because this isn’t weird' 

The man clears his throat, before finally starting to talk, never taking his eyes off Castiel.

“So, hey man, um... Castiel. So my names Dean, I'm Sam's brother, you know Sam Winchester, one of your doctors.”

'Hello Dean, still doesn’t explain why your here?'

It's as if Dean can hear him when he answers, “Right, I'm here because Sammy was talking about you, and I know you probably don’t want me here man but yeah, here I am, to keep you company, and all that. Until your family comes, or you wake up.” 

Castiel stares at him in shock. Dean doesn’t even know him, yet he’s giving up his time to come and keep him company, when he cant even reply. Surely Dean has friends to hang out with, or would rather go out some place... Not sit here with him.

“So Cas, I'm going to call you Cas because Castiel is a bit of a mouthful. I’m sure that’s okay with you?”

Castiel smiles warmly at the nickname, 'Yes Dean, that’s okay with me' 

Dean moves to sit on the chair next to his bed and Cas moves to sit on the other chair on the opposite side. 

“I don’t know if you can hear me, cos apparently in some coma's people can hear stuff. I don’t know, I'm not a doctor like Sammy, but I'm just gonna talk random stuff, babble and spill my life problems to you and all that, okay Cas....... Okay then.” 

Castiel laughs at Deans awkwardness. 

'That's okay Dean, you just 'spill your life problems' I’m just going to sit here and listen'

“So I guess you may want to know a little more about the random crazy guy that’s gonna just sit here and talk to you. Thus, Castiel, I present to you the Dean Winchester Life story.”

Castiel laughs. Dean seems to be getting more comfortable, which is surprising. A good surprising though! 

Over the course of the next two hours, Cas gains a permanent smile as he listens to Dean ramble on about his life. He learns that Dean works at Bobby's Garage as a mechanic and that his brother is a huge part of his life, I mean he took on three jobs to pay for Sam's university fees! The more he listens the more he starts to like Dean, his sense of doing everything for everyone else and never wanting acknowledgement makes him seem so noble even after just knowing him for only two hours.

He's broken from his thoughts by Dean's voice.

“Right, I better get going. Sam's on a date with his boyfriend, leaving me to watch TOS. Boldly go man” Dean smirks.

'Dean.. I don’t understand that reference...... But thank you for being here.' Cas says, slipping easily into the habit of answering even though he knows they can't hear him.

Dean smiles one last time before stepping out with a small 'bye', leaving Castiel staring longingly at the empty seat across from him, as if Dean was going to magically appear because he willed him to. Truth is, he'd really enjoyed Deans company, enjoyed loosing himself in Dean's deep smooth voice as he talked about unimportant things, which Castiel found very important because they were part of Dean's life. To momentarily forget that he was totally alone in this world. He knows that Dean probable wont show up again, I mean who would? Who would waste their time talking to a unresponsive coma patient they don’t know when there's so much going on in the world. Castiel smiles sadly, he cant be sad, he thinks, not when he’s the past two hours have been the best thing that’s happened since he’s woken up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Dean is a bit of a nerd... shhh.  
> Thanks for reading, please leave a comment :D


	3. Oh, it's you again.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean visits again and voices his problems. Castiel doesn't mind one bit.

Dean's hands deep in the engine of a battered old Corsa the next day when his mind wanders back to Castiel. He's been thinking about him a lot since yesterday. He just can't get over how right it felt to sit with him, to talk about random things and to enjoy it. Which he supposes is a bit strange, seen as though Cas can't reply, but hey, if it makes him happy why not! 

“Dean.” Bobby's gruff voice breaks him from his thoughts. His head snaps up and hits the bonnet with a 'clang' followed by a 'OW' from Dean. 

Bobby snorts, “Sometimes I wonder about you boy.” Dean glares half halfheartedly. 

“I actually wanted to talk to you Dean, I found the leaflets for collage courses on the side, and before you start, I want you to know I think its a good idea. If you want to go back to collage, you go back to collage.” 

Dean gawks, “I was.... Just um....You know looking. I don’t think I’ll be able to do it, but it was just an idea. I've not got the brains like Sam.”

“Stop fishing for compliments. So you didn't do as well as Sam in school. That doesn't mean you cant do collage.” Bobby replies.

“What about work here?” Dean says cautiously.

“Keep working here when you can. I can cover the rest, get Rufus in sometime. Don’t worry about that,”

“Okay, I'll think about it.” Dean mutters. Bobby nods and walks off to his house.

Could he do it? Go to collage? I mean he hated school, but collage is different right? If he does something he likes like psychology then maybe it will be better, and if not he always has the garage to come and work in. He is after all a certified mechanic and that’s not half bad. He just feels that he could do better helping people. He cant be a doctor, obviously, he’s not cleaver enough for that, or he thinks he isn't. But a psychologist can help people in ways others can't, plus he finds it interesting looking through the topics to find how and why people think like they do.

After he finishes up at the Garage he debates going straight back to the apartment, but decides to visit Castiel instead, I mean its not like there's anything waiting for him back home. 

He flashes a smile to the receptionist, who blushes furiously and offer's a small smile back. Huh, she's kinda cute Dean thinks... What’s her name tag say... Lisa.. Shame that he's got his eyes set on a certain dark haired, unconscious, probably straight Castiel.

He steps inside the room with a small “Hey Cas.” and sits down in the chair. 

“So... I... Um.. Right so I thought I'd come and say hi again. I know I only came yesterday but I thought that...” He lets his face fall into his hands and laughs, “Oh god, you probably don’t want me here all the time, I just, I don’t know. This isn’t going as smooth as I had planned. Seriously though I like have no life, so I'm gonna be here a lot I guess. Unless you like wake up and want me gone, which you probably will. But until then... Um yeah I'm here.” 

Dean figures that Cas probably can't hear him so why the heck not just spill all his problems. It seems to help him so why the hell not, it might be good to pretend someone cares. 

~Castiel~

The one thing that Castiel did not expect to happen was for a certain Dean Winchester to come back. He certainly didn't expect him to come back within the week..... and he absolutely didn't expect him to come back today. Hope surges through him that Dean might just be a regular occurrence in this new strange part of his life. Watching Dean carefully as he sits, Castiel takes into account how ruggedly attractive he is, and since no one can see him stare......Well he might just set about examining every little freckle on his face, because that’s not weird at all.

Castiel listens intently as Dean stumbles out his greeting, laughing slightly at his awkwardness. Joy radiates through him as Dean mentions how he's going to be visiting a lot, leaving him grinning from ear to ear.

'I'd like that a lot Dean' he says. He really should stop talking to himself but its a habit he cant seem to break.

“Right. So where to start? I’m telling you man I came in here with a bunch of stuff to talk about and now I'm stumbling for words.” Dean continues, looking fondly down at Castiel's unresponsive body.

Giggling Cas replies, 'Talk about anything Dean. Whatever you want'

“Okay then I'm gonna start with Sammy, that seems a safe place to begin. I think I said last time he was dating Gabriel?”

'No you said date, but no name.' Cas replies. Smiling at how Dean's eyes light up on the subject of Sam.

“Yeah well he’s dating Gabriel, who works in a coffee shop and bakes all sorts of sweet stuff. I mean the guy has faults but I’ll be dammed if he doesn't bake the best pie ever. Not that I'll ever tell him, his god damn ego is too big already. Yeah so Gabriel. He's funny I guess, once made Sammy say 'I have genital herpes' in front of the whole shop. He can also be a dick but I guess he’s okay. Not a clue what Sammy can see in him, but he seems happy so I guess that makes me okay with it.”

Cas frowns at Dean's expression.

“God I sound like a dick myself.” Dean continues, “I mean...” He drops is face into his hands and sighs. “It's just that Sammy has a kinda bad record with relationships, he was totally in love with Jess, we all thought it was serious, then she left him for his best friend Brady. God that wrecked him. To see him like that, like the life was drawn right out of him, was awful man. Then there was Ruby, man she screwed him over. Took off with half of his savings the night he was about to propose to her, got him into all sorts of trouble too, grade A bitch she was. There's never been anyone quite as long term after them, but he always seems to pick the wrong ones. He cant do the whole one night stand thing, it's all about the feelings and relationships with Sammy” Dean sighs.

Cas looks upon his face. His love and care for his brother is more that admirable. To see that Dean cares so much for his brother is so very inspiring and Castiel can't seem to stop smiling at the truly heavenly man sat before him. He frown slightly when he mentions one night stands though. Does that mean Dean just does one night stands? Does it mean he doesn’t do feelings? Doesn't do relationships? The thought makes Cas mournful for something he knows he will never have. It's clear to him that Dean is attractive to him, inside and out. Even knowing him for only two days, he knows he's the kind of person he would love a relationship with. Saying that, he’s in no position to be wanting such things. Firstly, he doesn't even know what he is, he cant talk to Dean, he’s a coma patient, maybe for life. Secondly, he doubts Dean is gay, he’s made no reference, although he’s likely not to be homophobic due to his easy acceptance of Sam and his partner. And lastly even if he did wake up, and Dean happened to be gay or bisexual, he doubts he would like Cas or even stay around to become his friend. Before he can think any more Dean continues.

“So I guess what I'm getting at is that I'm fine with Gabriel, but I don’t want Sam to get hurt again. I just want everything to work out, for him to be happy for once.” 

It kills Dean that he can't make Sam happy. But if Gabriel does, then Dean's not going to argue.

“You never know man, I mean this is Sam's first serious relationship with a guy, and he seems pretty serious about it so I guess we will see if it works out. I just... I don't want him to get hurt... Not again” Dean finishes weakly. 

'Oh Dean' Cas sighs in admiration at the man's care for his brother. 'I’m sure this time it will all work out' he says. Providing comfort only he can hear.

Dean stays silent for a while, looking alternately between Castiel's body and the window, watching the breeze capture leaves off the trees and carry them away. Cas wonders if it helps Dean to come and spill all his problems without the fear of being judged or told he’s wrong. 

“Anyway, talking of Sammy he suggested that I read to you or some crap like that. I... Um... Well I hope you don’t mind me just spilling my problems and all. But he’s the doctor so I brought some books. I don’t know what you like so I brought a few different ones. However, no one knows I'm such a big reader, I think it's cos' I tease Sammy for being a nerd, but honesty..... Between you and me man, I'm a big reader, but shhh no one needs to know gotta keep up the rep.” Dean says in a hushed whisper as if it's a great secret that only Castiel can know, making him giggle at the ever mysteriously amazing man opposite him. 

'I would love you to read to me Dean Winchester' Castiel replies solemnly before smirking, 'and I promise to tell no one the great Dean Winchester is also a book nerd' 

Dean reaches into his bag and pulls out The Hobbit and Harry Potter. 

“Right so it's between these two, I mean I brought some others, but I'm a sucker for these.”

'They are fine Dean' Cas replies, happy to be learning a bit more about the guy.

“So, um, which one?” Dean ponders to himself, while aiming the question at Castiel.

'The Hobbit' Cas replies. 

“The Hobbit it is.” Dean decides, putting Harry Potter back into the bag, leaving Cas once again wondering if Dean heard him. Which is stupid, because of course Dean can't hear him, and if he could he would be making a big deal out if it surely? No, it's just wishful thinking. Trying to convince himself he’s not totally alone in the world. He sits back and looses himself in Dean's voice as he starts to read.

“In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and... “

~Dean~

As Dean walked back to his impala, his mind drifted back to Castiel. He could have sworn he heard the guy say 'The Hobbit' when he asked what book choice. But then again it's probably just Dean imagining a response. I mean when your talking to someone who doesn't talk back your bound to start imagining responses right? It's like when he first saw Cas, he could have sworn he heard him ask why he was here. But that’s impossible right? There's no point Dean wondering about something that’s just in his imagination. He's found he likes talking to Cas a lot more that he anticipated, Dean finds that he can talk about almost anything to Cas and he guesses its because the guy can't respond. But it helps to unload and clear his head a little. Plus, he found reading to the guy a lot less awkward than he thought he would, it was peaceful and relaxing in a way that reading alone isn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked, Deans a bit of a book nerd ;) :D please leave a comment !


	4. When friends come calling.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas talk more and Cas learns all sorts of interesting things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy...

The next day Castiel waits for Dean to come. And waits.....And waits. It's pretty clear by nightfall that Dean isn't going to turn up today. Castiel knows that Dean has a life and that he isn't an important part of it, but it still hurts him. It hurts more than hearing Dr. Winchester tell him again how they still can't find any family. The day drags on into night and he falls asleep into his chair, disappointment filling him even though he knows that Dean wont come every day. I mean he might not even come once a week, but Cas knows he will wait. 

The following day Dean doesn't show again. Maybe he's decided not to come again. Maybe he’s too busy. Maybe he can't be bothered. Maybe.... He wont know until Dean does or doesn't come again. Cas is disappointed but not surprised. He knew that Dean would not come all the time and he knows that Dean would get fed up of him eventually and he would be alone again, he'd just hoped that day would not come so soon. 

However on the third day, much to Castiel's surprise, Dean showed.

“Hey Cas,” He says as he flops down onto the chair opposite.  
'Hello Dean' Cas replies, relief filling him that he’s not been abandoned yet.

“Man, I'm sorry I haven't been to check in with you over these past days, I wanted to but its been hectic” he apologies dropping his head into his hands and rubbing his eyes.

Dean wanted to see him? He was actually sorry for not coming for two days? Why would he want to be here anyway? Cas doesn't know, but he’d be damned if he’s complaining.

“Right so the garage decided to get extra busy all of a sudden. Like everyone's cars suddenly decided to break down or something, so I was helping Bobby work over time. Then Cassie came in with her car. She's this chick I used to date for a while in high school, and I haven’t seen her since then. Anyway I'm pretty sure she was into me still and turns out I was right, she asked me out for coffee.”

Castiel's face drops. This is it. This is where Dean tells him that he cant come any more because he’s got Cassie. This is where Cas knows he has no chance with Dean. Not that he ever had. 

“So yesterday we went out for Coffee, and she was nice and all, totally gorgeous still. But I don’t know man. It's like I should have been jumping at the chance to date her but I wasn't. I dunno really, guess we just didn't hit it off. So she asked if we could meet up again and I pulled the 'I'm really busy at the minute so I'm not sure' card. Which didn't go down well, so I guess that’s that. 

Cas sits in shock for the second time that day. So Dean's not here to tell Castiel he’s not coming back again? He basically turned this 'Cassie' down. He doesn't know why he feels so happy at this fact. Its not like he’s any closer to dating Dean himself. 

~Dean~

The truth is that Dean turned Cassie down because of Cas. Yeah, he turned down a smoking hot chick who was clearly into him, for an unresponsive coma patient he knows nothing at all about. This is what his life has become... Great. Fan-fucking-tastic logic Dean. He cant wrap his head around it but when he was sat with Cassie listening to her talk about her job, all he could think about was Cas. What would Castiel's voice sound like? What colour would his eyes be? What would he be interested in? Would he be friends with Dean when... Or if... He woke up? As he gathered up his thoughts and started concentrating on Cassie again he realised that he'd much rather be with Cas right now. As crazy and messed up as he was... He'd rather be with Cas. 

So that was that. He'd turned Cassie down. The more he thinks about it the crazier it sounds. But if he had to do it again, he'd choose Cas, and that scares him.

Dean soon looses himself in the next chapter of the Hobbit, glancing down occasionally to look at Castiel's face. He looks so peaceful, young and innocent. Dean almost doesn't want him to wake so he doesn't have to deal with all the crap in the world. It occurs to Dean that he cares for Castiel, a lot more than he should, and he's not sure what to do with that. 

Dean visits every day for the rest of the week except Friday, in which he has to work overtime at the garage. He falls into a routine of reading to Cas and telling him more and more about himself and about pointless matters like what's happening in the news. It's as if he’s been doing it for months, it feels natural now. When something funny or interesting happens throughout the day all Dean can  
think is how he 'has to tell Cas about that'. 

It's while his thoughts are on Cas that Charlie barges into the garage.  
“The Queen.... has arrived.” She announces.

“Mmm. Hey Charlie.” he replies, hands deep in the engine and thoughts deep with Cas, who he was heading to see in.... About 15 minutes. Dean beams at the though. 

“Okay so who is she?” Charlie asks at Dean's smile.

“What?” Dean splutters. 

“Whose the girl that's got you smiling like you're high?” Charlie replies, not letting this one go.

“No one.” Dean says a little too quickly. 

“Okay then.... Whose the guy that’s got you smiling like you're high?”

“Stuff you Charlie,” Dean grumbles causing Charlie to laugh. He swears the girl should be in the FBI or something with the speed at which she decodes people, it may also help that she's his best friend and knows him like the back of his hand. Which is why she is one of the only people Dean feels comfortable with telling about Cas.

“Come on Dean. I deserve to at least know about this guy. You want to know why? One... Dude we haven't like hung out in ages, I'm feeling neglected. Two... This guy seems to make you happy if that smile is anything to go by and seen as though I'm your friend you should tell me. Three...... You keep checking the time and any guy that steals your concentration from me is worthy of knowing me. Lastly... You turned down Cassie, and she's hot, so this guy must be smoking. Okay I'm done. Talk” She commands. 

“Okay, okay. Who says 'hang out' anyway?” Dean scoffs. Charlie glares. “Okay fine. Don't like think this is weird or anything, don’t judge me?”

Charlie nods, “Judging free zone has been entered”

“Right, so there's this guy at the hospital and he’s in a coma. Sam said he has no family, or not that they can contact, so Sam suggested I talk to him or something. So I did... And well yeah.” Dean babbles quickly. 

“That's.....Not quite as strange as I was expecting” 

Dean raises an eyebrow. 

“So you've got the hots for a coma patient?” Charlie asks.

“Yeah but it's not just that... I don’t know Charlie there's just something about him. He shouldn't be left alone.”

“Okay, I get you” She says softly, thinking back to her own mother. Dean knows she would understand, hence why he told her. But he doesn’t want to talk about it too much in case it brings up memories for her. He remembers holding her as she sobbed into his arms for the first months after she passed away.

“You going to see him now?” 

“Yeah.”

“Great, can I come and meet him? Don’t worry I'm not going to creep on your time with him. I need to go to the pharmacy and this is a good way to asses your choice in men.” Charlie says. 

Dean looks cautiously at her, he doesn't want to upset her, but if she thinks she's strong enough who is Dean to comment.

“Like you can comment on my choice in men.” Dean snorts.

“Hey! I can appreciate beauty when I see it.” Charlie snaps playfully. 

~Castiel~ 

Castiel waits nervously for Dean's arrival. He's just been informed that they still haven't found any family still. The news doesn't upset Cas any more, he's accepted that no one is coming for him, no one, it seems, but Dean. 

So when the door swings he's surprised to not only see Dean, but a girl.

She's pretty, with fiery red hair and a cheeky loo about her. Castiel wonders is this is Dean's girlfriend, but with him only just turning down Cassie earlier this week he doubts she is. Friend then, most likely.

“Hey Cas, this is my friend Charlie, she wanted to come say hi.” Dean says casually moving closer to the bed.

“Hey Cas, nice to meet the person whose been stealing away all of Dean's attention,” Charlie says, “oh my Dean, I totally see what you mean, he's gorgeous. No wonder you're always here he’s ….. Dreamy.”

Dean blushes and Cas thinks it might just be the most adorable thing he has ever seen. 

“Yeah... well. You know.” He grumbles. Making Cas and Charlie both laugh. 

Charlie turns and stage whispers to Cas, “Don't let the macho appearance fool you. I know for certain this guy has a t-shirt that says 'I wuv hugs'.” 

Castiel laughs more at this. 

“Hey, no fair! That's like from when I was six or something,” Dean retaliates. 

“I have pictures, pictures last a lifetime Dean. Never forget that.” Charlie replies, swatting Dean lightly on the arm as they both laugh. 

“Right I got places to be and people to see. Later bitches” Charlie smiles before walking out the door. 

“Bye.” Dean says, over the top of Castiel's 'Goodbye Charlie'.

Charlie seems nice, but Cas' thoughts are swirling. Apparently he’s been 'stealing Dean's attention'. When did that happen. He figured Dean must, for whatever stupid reason, like visiting him, but he never presumed that Dean would choose him over his friends. And then they fact that Charlie talked as if Dean had said he was attractive …. 'Gorgeous' even. Does Dean find him attractive? Could they be a possibility is he ever woke up?

“So hey Cas,” Dean says softly, sitting down in his chair, “I'm sorry about Charlie, we were talking about you and she wanted to meet you on her way to the pharmacy.”

'You were talking about me?'

“Yeah I'm sorry about that, I don’t talk about you a lot don’t worry! I trust Charlie.” Dean laughs, giving Castiel the strange feeling he's had before, almost as if Dean can hear him, as if Dean is answering him. Which is stupid, but he’s got to cling to anything that gives him hope.

“She's great really. One of the best friends I've got. One of them people you can rely on for anything,” Dean continues.

Castiel listens as he relays stories about Charlie, like the time they went to Comic-Con and how Charlie got Dean into live action role playing. Cas laughs and smiles as his listens to Dean's interactions with his friends. It makes him long for a friendship with Dean, to be able to talk to him and have him hear him. For him to laugh and joke with him. 

“Man, we've nearly finished The Hobbit, I was thinking we could go Harry Potter next. I mean, I know it's not....I just... It's like a guilty pleasure okay?”

Castiel laughs, 'I'd love you to read Harry Potter to me Dean'

Dean looks up with shock to Castiel's face. Eye's wide, before furrowing into a frown. 

“Okay then.. Okay” Dean says before shaking his head as if to brush away his thoughts. “Right, I best head off. See you later Cas.” He says softly, placing a hand on Cas' arm and lingering for a few seconds before turning away and walking out the door. 

Castiel sits frozen. He can feel his arm tingling from where Dean touched him, a warm bright sensation that seems to travel through his body, giving him a breath of hope, warmth and strength. He could have sworn that Dean heard him, he'd been suspicious before but now he’s almost certain that Dean at least heard part of what he was saying. He doesn't know if he's relieved or not. On one hand it would be amazing for someone to hear him, it's what he's been waiting for right? For someone to finally hear him! However....He doesn't want Dean to know. What if he freaks out? What if he stops coming? He can't afford for that to happen seen as though Dean is the only thing that's getting him through the day. Then again, what if Dean doesn't freak out and he finally has someone to talk to. No, its not worth it. He decides to keep quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoped you liked ! Please comment? What do you think of Dean hearing Cas? Should Cas try more or do you agree he shouldn't?


	5. The cry of the long lost brother.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas finally gets some family... But things don't always turn out as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this chapters a little sad .... >_

The more Dean thinks about it, the more he seems to recall actually hearing Cas talk. But that cant be right....Can it? No surely its just his stupid brain trying to trick him, or make the situation seem normal...Yeah. That. However, what if it is Cas. What if he can talk, tell Dean how he feels, how Dean can help, whether he wants Dean there, well that would be amazing. But no, that’s stupid Dean, stop believing in impossible things. He decides to catch some quick sleep to attempt to clear up his thoughts.

Eye Of The Tiger fills the room, waking Dean from his nap. Snorting into consciousness, he stumbles around in a sleepy have for the offending object making so much noise. 

“mmmmello.” Dean grumbles. 

“Dean? Were you asleep?” Sam asks.

“.....Maybe.” Dean replies cautiously.

“It's like two in the afternoon Dean.” Sam sighs exasperatedly.

“Whatever bitch, what do you want?” Dean asks grumpily. 

“Right so get this,” Sam starts excitedly and Dean sighs, “Gabriel left home when he was younger. He hasn't seen his family since he was 16. Like none of them. However, he has a younger brother called Castiel, who, when Gabe described him, sounded just like coma Castiel at the hospital. So he went in this morning and it turns that he's his brother! Isn't that great! We've found some family!” Sam says happily. 

Dean doesn't know what to say. They found Cas' family. Cas has family. Family. 

“Yeah dude that’s great,” He says weakly. 

“You okay Dean?” Sam asks. 

“Yeah yeah, just um... Tired. That's great news. I’m gonna just... Got stuff to do.” he supplies. 

“Okay.... Bye Dean.” Sam finishes before hanging up. 

Dean collapses onto the couch. Right so Cas has family now. That's great. Yeah.... Great. So now he wont need Dean right? This is the way things go isn't it? Dean's just there until he’s not needed any more, and now that Cas has a brother, he’s not needed. Damn it he knew this was how it was gonna go from the start. So why is he so selfishly upset? It's not like he meant to get attached, it just happened. He enjoys going to see Cas, and he thinks about Cas a lot more than he should, but that doesn't change the fact that now Gabriel is here he’s not needed any more. And that thought hits much harder than it should. God, he needs a drink.

~Castiel~

Cas wakes up early, and watches the sun rise slowly. Dean should be visiting today, in the afternoon hopefully, he smiles at the thought. 

His morning routine is, however, interrupted by the door swinging open and a unknown man walking in. Castiel observes him cautiously. He's short with golden brown hair to match his golden yellow ochre eyes. He looks startlingly familiar and Cas frowns. He knows this man, he doesn't know how but he knows him. 

His eyes widen when he looks at Castiel and he bites his lip. 

“C....Cas... Castiel,” The man chokes out, he clearly knows Castiel, as in knows him a lot, or enough to get upset.

“Oh my god Cas.” He says, stumbling forward and placing his hand on Cas' arm, looking pained. 

'I don’t.....I don’t know who you are. Who are you?' Cas asks uselessly.

“Oh Cas. Its me, Its me Gabriel, you brother Cas.” The man... Gabriel says, tears beginning to cloud his eyes.

'Oh' Castiel says, not knowing how to respond. This is his brother. He has a brother, who cares for him. Whose here for him. He feels his own eyes tearing up as he looks at the desperation in Gabriel's eyes.

“Oh Cas.... I’m so sorry Cas.... I’m so sorry. Just...... Wake up. Please Cas just wake up.” Gabriel stutters desperately, clutching Castiel's arm harder to stop his shaking hands. 

Cas feels tears roll along his cheeks as he is useless to comfort Gabriel, his brother. 

'I... I can't wake up. Gabe... help me' Cas whispers. 

“I should have never left. This is my fault Cas. I’m so sorry. Come on, just open your eyes, come back to me bro. God you look so grown up. Please Cas. Cas!” He cries, tears choking up his throat and escaping onto his face. 

'I CAN'T.... HELP ME' Cas screams at him.

“Just wake up. Please wake up. Come on bro. Cassie. Cas. Please. I need you to wake up. Please.” He whispers desperately, collapsing into the chair and letting the tears fall freely now. 

“It's okay Cas. Everything is going to be okay. Yeah, were going to be okay. You're going to wake up and it will all be fine. We will catch up and be like proper brothers again, that’s what will happen Cas. Everything will be fine.” He says, more to reassure himself than Castiel. 

'Gabe....' Cas chokes. Not knowing what to say. He feels too much, so much he wished he didn't feel at all. 

“Can't you just wake up? Wake up for me....... No?” Gabriel sobs.

His face flashes with grief and pain before masking into a hard shell.

“Yeah well.... fuck you Cas. Okay. You don’t have to sit here and look upon your unresponsive body. I don’t want to be here looking at you like this. Stop being so fucking selfish and wake up!” Gabriel shouts. He does, Castiel thinks, he does have to look down at his own body.

'I.... I....I cant. I want to... b...but I can't” Cas sobs, the world blurring through his watery eyes.

“Stop it Cas just wake up you fucking selfish bastard!” Gabe screams before Sam Winchester is behind him, holding him tight and letting him cry into his chest. 

“Come on Gabe, lets go, it's okay..... Shhhh, it's going to be okay.” Sam says, cradling the small man and walking him slowly out the room.

'I’m sorry Gabriel.....I'm so so sorry.” Castiel whispers to the empty room. 

Cas sobs until he cant hold himself up any longer, but he doesn't have anyone to comfort him. 

Waking blearily, Castiel realises its now morning. But wasn't it just...? Did he sleep through the whole day? Apparently so. The memories of yesterday come back to him in a flood, he makes a small whimpering noise as he chokes on the realisation of what happened. It was all his fault. If he wasn't here then Gabriel wouldn't be upset. He's made Gabriel like this. He did this by being in this stupid fucking coma. He's so fucking useless, so useless that he cant do anything to help his brother, he can only bring him pain. Will Gabriel come back? Probably not. Who would want to anyway, who would want to come back only to be more upset anyway. 

Cas wants him to come back. He doesn't want to be alone now he’s finally found family. This is his brother, and he doesn't want to upset him any more, but he selfishly craves his attention. He can't remember anything about his past, only the feelings that come with mentioning Gabriel, warmth, security, safety, fun, anger and sadness are what Cas associates with Gabriel. Why? He doesn't know, and he really really wants to, he just wants to remember. Is that too much to ask? 

A tears escapes onto his cheek and rolls of his face onto the floor with a 'plop'. He walks over to his body and places his hand on his arm, willing himself to wake up.

'Come on, come on, come on, wake up. Just …... Wake. Come on, wake up.' He repeats over and over again, closing his eyes tight, as if he believes when he opens them he will be looking through the eyes of his real body. They one currently lying motionless on the hospital bed. 

'I don’t understand... Why can't I wake up' Cas sobs, his voice like a small child as he tilts his head in confusion. 'Just let me wake up.... For Gabriel and Dean'

…........... Dean. 

Dean was meant to come yesterday, and he didn't. Or did he come and Cas was asleep. No, every time that happens Cas wakes up, no, Deans not been. But he promised he would? Could this day get any worse? He's pretty sure that Gabriel's not coming back, and now the possibility Dean's leaving him to? Dean could always have important things come up so he can't visit, but with Cas' state of mind it's much easier to imagine that Dean's left him. Everyone leaves him, why would Dean be any different. 

The thing is, he wants Dean here. Desperately. He wants Dean to tell him its okay. He wants Dean to tell him its not his fault. He wants Dean to comfort him and promise to never leave him. He wants Dean to read to him, so Cas can loose himself and his problems in Dean's voice. 

Scratch that. He needs Dean.

But Deans not here. 

~Dean~

Dean spends the day wondering about Castiel. I mean that’s not a surprise, he thinks about Cas a lot more than he should, but this time he’s wondering about Cas, now that he has family. 

He knows Gabriel so he supposes it would still be okay if he went to visit? Wouldn't it? It would be weird as hell to explain though. “Hey Gabriel, I'm going to keep visiting your brother, who doesn't even know me, because I might be totally fascinated with him in a very gay way.”

Yeah, that’s not really working out for him right now.

“Dean?” Sam says as he flops down on the sofa, drawing Dean's mind away from Cas and Gabriel.

“Yeah? What's up? You look like hell.”

“Thanks a lot jerk.” Sam shoots back.

“Seriously Sam, what’s up?”

“It's.... well its Gabriel. I left him to talk to Castiel thinking you know, that everything would be okay, naive of me, thinking back on it. Anyway I come back to the room to find Gabriel screaming at Castiel, shouting how he’s a 'selfish bastard' and he should just 'wake up'....”

“What?!?” Dean shouts, interrupting Sam, “Why would he say that to Cas? That’s not fair, he cant do that. Is Cas okay?” he asks in a rush, only noticing after how strange it sounds. 

“Yeah... he’s fine Dean. No different,” Sam says, raising his eyebrows at Dean. “I'm more worried about Gabriel if I'm being honest.”

Dean looks down, “Um yeah, how is Gabriel?” He asks sheepishly. 

“A mess. I mean, he was saying that Cas was one of the only brothers he regrets leaving, so to see him like this after all this time must be so hard for him.” 

“Yeah.” Dean grumbles, still thinking about how how hard this would be for Cas. If, by the smallest of chances, Cas can hear things around him, then listening to that and not being able to wake up must have been hell.

“Are you going to go in and see him?” Sam asks cautiously. 

“What Cas?” 

“Yes Cas.” Sam says exasperatedly.

“I dunno man. He's got family now, he doesn't need me.”

“We both know that’s not true Dean. Gabriel may be Castiel's family, but I doubt Gabe can handle regular visits, and he surely wont be going back for a while. Plus seeing Cas has been good for you Dean, are you really going to leave him now? Gabriel knows about how much time you spend with him, and you know what he said to me? He told me to make sure Castiel wasn't alone, and I'm pretty damn sure he meant that for you. So I'd stop moping like a 5 year old and start visiting him again.” Sam finishes, leaving Dean to stare at him in shock. 

“Yeah whatever.” Dean says eventually.

“That's all I get, after my speech I get 'whatever'? Are you going to visit then?”

“Shut up... I'll think about it.”

Sam sighs exasperatedly and goes to turn on the TV leaving Dean to his thoughts. 

So.... Dean supposes he could, maybe, go and visit Castiel again. What Gabriel said to him was awful, and he supposes Sam is right in everything he’s saying. Truth is, he really wants to see Cas again, he wants to be there for him. He wants to read to him. He wants to comfort him. He wants to be there. So yeah, he is going to visit again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, please comment!!!


	6. Sometimes I swear I can hear you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean returns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS right, i'm going on holiday for two and a half weeks, don't know if i have wifi so if i don't update for a while its because i'm on holiday.
> 
> Okay enjoy :)

As Dean walks down the white corridor he feels immense guilt. He's not been here for Cas when he should have been. He cant do anything about that, but he can try to make it up to him, screw what Gabriel thinks, screw what anyone thinks, he’s going to be here for Cas, whether they like it or not. Sure it's going to be hard to explain to the poor guy when he wakes up, but that’s in the future, he doesn't have to worry about that now. 

He sighs as he sees Cas, “Hey buddy how you doing?” 

He swears he hears someone shout 'Dean', voice croaky and full of emotion. His head snaps up to look at Cas. Frowning, he searches for any movement.

Nothing. 

He's just....Imagining it....Yeah.... Just imagining it. 

Probably because it's damn good to see Cas again so he starts making up responses.... You're pathetic Dean, he thinks. 

He sits next to Cas and fumbles for what to say. Taken surprise by the innocent purity of Cas' peaceful face. 

~Castiel~

Castiel's gaze snaps onto Deans as he enters the room. 

“Hey buddy how you doing?” he asks. 

Cas chokes on all the emotions that flood into him seeing Dean again after he thought he'd been abandoned. 

“Dean!” He shouts, voice breaking slightly as he scrambles to his feet in a mad rush. 

Dean eyes snap to Cas as he frowns and looks around. Crap. Did Dean hear him? No no no no. Dean cant hear him, he might leave, Cas can't take that now he's just got him back! He sits as still as a stone in anticipation of what Deans going to do, but he just smiles and sits next to Cas, leaving Cas to exhale the breath he didn't know he was holding. It's okay. If he just holds it together he will be okay. The thing is that Dean is the one structure holding him up, and if he looses that, then his whole word is going to crumble swallowing him with it. Because he’s scared, terrified really, that he wont wake up, that he's alone, of what’s happening, of everything. And the one constant that’s holding him from being a whimpering desperate mess is Dean, so he'll be damned if he's going to loose him now.

“Hey man, I'm sorry I haven't been in a while, and trust me from now on that’s not going to be the case.” Dean starts, making Cas' breath hitch at the fact Dean isn't planning on leaving him again.

“Right, let me explain..... So I found out from Sam that they had found your brother Gabriel, and I guess I assumed that you didn't need me any more, cos I’m not your family so why would you want me here?” He laughs, but Castiel doesn't find it funny, of course he wants Dean here. 

“So I didn't come, and I’m sorry for that, I though Gabriel would just take over. Anyway Sam told me what happened, how Gabriel shouted at you.” 

Cas' eyes start to gloss over at the memory and he has to work hard to suppress the tears. 

“But he shouldn't have said that Cas.” Dean says with so much emotion it makes Cas snap his eyes to Dean.  
“He should have called you selfish, because you're not. It's not your fault and it never will be. You've got to understand me here Cas that there's nothing you can do, so it was unfair and cruel to say that to you. Gabriel is upset, and in no way is that your fault, even if you might think it is, and people say all sorts of stuff they don’t mean when they are upset. So just ignore what he says and hopefully it will all be okay. No, I know it will be okay. It's all going to be okay Cas, trust me..... trust me.” He finishes in a whisper. 

Tears flow freely down his face now, but for another reason entirely. He does trust Dean, so so much, and the tears flow at the comfort he finds in Dean's words. It's what he's wanted to hear, what he needed to hear, and Dean speaks with such conviction that he believes every word. 

A small hiccup escapes his mouth as he has the urge to hug Dean, to wrap his arms around Dean's body, bury his head into his chest and cry while Dean holds him. But he cant. Because he’s in this stupid fucking coma. 

As if Dean senses his need, he places his hand over Cas' and softly strokes back and forth. Castiel feels the tingling sensation he felt when Dean touched him before and again feels warmth and hope spread through him, giving him the comfort he so desperately craves. Tears continue to leak from his eyes, but his situation feels a little more hopeful now.

“So, I just... I thought we would just continue as normal. I brought Harry Potter and yeah...” Dean trails off to look at Cas again, and Cas finds himself smiling and wiping away his tears.

“You know, I could really do with some ice cream right now, don’t ask me why, I know that’s totally random, but I'm craving the stuff. We totally have to get ice cream some time.” Dean finishes and his eyes widen at what he's just said. 

Castiel laughs, 'I would love to get ice cream with you Dean'

“I mean... Like... When you wake or something. If you want to? I don’t know.” He fumbles for the right words causing Cas to laugh harder. 

Dean smiles, “I can practically hear you laughing at me right now.” 

Castiel laughs harder, not worried in the slightest if Dean can hear him, because Dean is smiling and Cas will do anything to keep him smiling like that. 

“You know, sometimes I swear I can hear you talk, or laugh, its crazy dude. It's probably me going crazy, but yeah...” He finishes. 

'That's because I'm talking to you Dean' Cas whispers. 

“Anyway, I’ll um read some of this...” Dean mumbles blushing slightly as he opens the book and begins to read, slightly softer than usual. 

“Hey, I forgot to tell you,” Dean blurts out after he's finished reading, “well....I mean.. You probably aren’t interested... Anyway.” he fumbles. 

“I went to this art gallery, they had like a special exhibit on, I don’t know, I had nothing to do and it was there man. I just felt I should go.” He grumbles. 

'It's fine Dean. I love art galleries, there's no need to be ashamed in going to one' Cas replies.

“So I’ve never been in before or anything but it was like huge!” Deans arms fly out to either side to emphasise his point. “It went on forever, I didn’t even know their could be so much stuff you know?” Cas laughs at Dean's enthusiasm, finding it all terribly endearing.

“The had this dude, I've forgot his name like, but he was this modern artist and he did sculptures and stuff, and they were.... Well interesting. I don’t exactly know how they classed as art, but who am I to judge really, and to be honest they were pretty cool. Modern art's cool but like the older stuff was amazing. The huge pictures they did, man it was awesome.” 

'I don’t know many sculptors, I tend to go for artists that work more 2D, well from what I can remember' 

Cas' memory has been coming back to him bit by bit, giving him more insight into more of his past. One of the things he remembered was that he loved art. He loved to look at it, and he loved to do it. He vaguely remembers the joy he found in sweeping his pencil across the stark white paper. Now, he doesn’t believe in destiny or fate or any of that, but it's one hell of a strange coincidence that Dean goes to visit an art gallery roughly the same time that Castiel remembers that he loves art. 

He frowns slightly. 'Dean if I ever wake up, will you take me to an art gallery....I think I would like that.'

Dean says nothing but continues to gaze at Cas. 

'Oh, I see how it is, rejected.' Cas smirks, false hurt entwined in his voice. 

“You know, if you ever wake up... We should totally go to an art gallery.” Dean says making Cas laugh.

'Oh my god Dean. Great minds think alike!' 

“That's if you want to, if you're into that stuff I mean.”

'Of course Dean.' Cas answers sincerely.

Dean frowns and looks cautious.

'Oh god, what have I done now.' Cas jokes. 

'…...Dean, what’s wrong?'

“You know, sometimes, I swear I can hear you. Clear as day. Now I don’t know if that’s me going crazy or you actually speaking to me. I hope to god I'm not going crazy.” He lets out a nervous laugh. 

“You know man, if you can here me, if you can speak back, can you say something? It doesn’t matter if you cant, that’s fine too. But if you can and want to, can you say something?”

Castiel's eyes widen and he opens his mouth only to gawk like a fish. Dean wants to hear him. Wants him to say something. Oh lord this is the chance he’s been waiting for, he needs to say something. He needs to say something right now.

No words come out. 

Dean laughs bitterly. “Right of course... I’m gonna just go.” He says, turning to leave.

'Dean stop!' Castiel shouts desperately, causing Dean to stop dead in his tracks.

“Cas is that really you?” He asks, back still facing Cas. 

'Yes Dean. I’m here. Please Dean can you hear me.' Cas begs.

Nothing. 

'Dean! Dean I'm here!' Castiel screams. 

Dean moves like he’s going to take a step. 

“Dean please” Cas says, voice just above a whisper.

Dean slowly turns around to face Cas again and carefully lowers himself back into the seat, dropping his head into his hands, leaving Cas waiting, anticipation filling his every cell.

“Cas..... I..... I hear you Cas.” Dean says eventually. “Either that or I'm fucking crazy... So yeah, I hear you.” 

'Oh thank god Dean' 

“I'm guessing that I don’t hear you all the time. That or you don’t talk a lot, but my moneys on the first. Damn this is strange.”

'Strange...” Cas repeats, fearing the worst. 

“A good strange though, like this is cool, we can like maybe try to have some conversation. Well maybe I think I'm being optimistic. Wait.....Do you even want me here?” Dean rambles finishing slightly wide eyed. 

'Yes of course Dean' 

“I'm getting nothing from you man.” Dean says, although he’s smiling slightly.

'Yes Dean' Cas says laughing slightly. 

“Still nothing man.”  
'I give up.' Cas says laughing harder at Dean's smirk.

“I cant hear a thing you're saying but I think I can faintly hear you laughing and that’s good enough for me.” Dean's smile lights up his face as he laughs too. 

“Man, It's weird knowing you're listening, not a bad weird, just different I guess. Anyway I hate to leave you, trust me I really do now that I know you're here, but I have to get back, so I guess I will see you tomorrow.”

'Goodbye Dean, and thank you....For everything.'

Dean doesn't acknowledge his words, but smiles warmly as he leaves. For the first time since Cas has woken up he feels hopeful. Not hopeful that Dean hasn't abandoned him, not hopeful that Gabriel might forgive him, but hopeful for something long term....He's hopeful for his future, something he hasn't dared to think about properly before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Righhhhhtttt so im not that happy with this chapter but i've re written it so much it will have to do. 
> 
> Tell me what you think? any improvements ? constructive criticism?


	7. Second times a hit.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel comes to visit again, with a little help from Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so i've just come back from Cornwall, had no wifi and it killed me :o good news, got some writing done! bad news, im going to Turkey in 10 days for a week so definitely no updates while im there, sorry ! Hope you enjoy this ! thanks for reading :D

It's only when Dean gets home that the reality of the situation crashes into him. Holy crap Cas can hear him, Cas is awake, Cas is talking to him. He slowly lowers himself on the couch as his mind swirls with this new information. What should he do ? He supposes he should tell Sam or a doctor or someone, but he’s not heard of anything like this before, surely they would think he was crazy. And Castiel, I mean how can he hear him, how can he possibly be awake and talking to Dean when he’s in a coma? Is it like an outer body experience kind of thing. Jeez this is weird, Dean thinks. It could all be in his head....No, it's all to real for that, he’s not insane, he knows what he heard. Dean supposes he should feel self conscious at all the things he has told Cas now that he knows Cas has been listening, but strangely he doesn't, not one bit. It's weird how comfortable he is around Cas after such a short amount of time. 

Later on, when he's making a coffee for himself, he hears a knock on the door. Dean grumbles and reluctantly moves to open it, coming face to face with Gabriel. 

“Hey Deano.” He says playfully but his eyes lack his normal playful smirk and glimmer. 

“Gabriel, Sam's not in at the minute.”

“Yeah, I was kinda hoping to talk to you actually.”

“Sure, come on in.” Dean says, moving aside to let the smaller man past him. They awkwardly place themselves down on the couch after Gabe declines the offer of drinks.

“Sooooo,” Dean says to break the silence.

“Right, I just wanted to say thanks. I mean for what you're doing for Castiel I guess. I tried so hard to ignore my old life and it's just all come crashing back. If I hadn't have left...”

“Hey, hey!” Dean cuts him off, “This isn't your fault okay? None of this is your fault. You couldn't have done anything okay?”

Gabriel looks down slowly. “How do you do it?”

“What?” Dean asks.  
“Go visit him all the time. How can you bare it? How do you talk to him when he doesn't respond?” Gabriel asks quietly. 

“I guess it's easier for me because I don’t know him. But you've got to be strong dude, for him. I know it's hard, I get that, I do. But you've got to try.”

Gabriel nods and swallows hard, he looks like he's fighting off tears. 

“Thanks for being their when I can't. He needs someone and I don’t think I can be that someone. So thanks.”

“It's fine, I like going, you know...” Dean mumbles. 

Gabriel smiles sadly, “He'd like you you know, if he was awake. I think you would be good friends.”

Dean doesn't know what to say. He likes to believe they would too but he’s never thought to hope. “Yeah?” He asks pathetically.

“Yeah.” 

They sit in silence for a while before Gabriel speaks up again.

“I'm going to get in touch with Michael, Luci and the others, or try at least. It's been too long since I spoke with them and I need to I guess.”

“How many brothers do you have?” Dean asks curiously.

“I guess you need to know this if you're going to keep spending time with Cassie. We have one sister Anna, youngest of all of us. But then there's Michael, whose the oldest, Luci and Balthazar. Well Bal is our cousin but we adopted him when his mother passed away.” 

“Wow, big family.” 

Gabriel laughs bitterly, “You don’t even know.” 

“Do you think they will come down?” Dean asks.

“I'm not sure, I'd like to think so, but I honestly don’t know.”

“You know if you want I can come with you to visit Cas?” Dean says cautiously. 

Gabriel snaps his head up to meet Dean's gaze, frowning sightly . “You... you would so that?”

“Yeah sure dude.” 

“Thanks Dean. Really. Tomorrow?” Gabriel asks.

“Yeah sure. I’m going about 6ish if you want to meet me there?” 

“Okay. Right, I'm going to head off, thanks for … everything. Tell Sammy I said hey.”

“Yeah see you Gabe.” Dean finishes, finding it surprisingly easy to talk to Gabriel now. I mean he feels sorry for him, it must be hard to find someone you love in a coma, seeing them for the first time in years. And then to have the courage to ask for help. Yeah, Dean respects the guy, and he may have been a little harsh to him at the start. Yeah he’s still a grade A jerk, but he supposes Gabe isn't that bad.

Tomorrow comes surprisingly quickly for Dean and he finds himself stood outside the hospital wondering where all the time has gone. To be honest he doesn't know if this is a good idea, for Gabriel to be seeing Cas again. Especially now he knows that Cas is listening, what if he gets too upset. That wouldn't be good for Cas or Gabe. 

Dean runs his hands through his hair and starts regretting his offer just as Gabriel walks into sight, grinning his mischievous smile that makes you feel like he knows something you don’t and he’s going to flaunt it right in your face. 

“Why do you look so....so..?” Dean grumbles nervously. 

“.....Like I just had sex with your brother?” Gabriel says casually. 

“WOW DUDE NO.” Dean shouts looking horrified. “I didn't need to know that, oh my God Gabe no.” He says through Gabriel's thick laughter.

“I hope you know I hate you.” Dean says causing Gabriel to laugh harder.

“Ahhhh Deano, you know you love me really. We gonna do this thing then?” Gabriel says, face morphing into sudden seriousness as he walks past Dean leaving him to gawk and wonder if this man is actually a real human being before jogging to catch up. 

When they come to Castiel's door Gabriel freezes. For a moment fear flashes on his face before he quickly covers it up. 

“You okay? You know we don’t have to do this today, if your not ready I totally understand.” Dean says cautiously.

“No, It's now or never.” 

Dean raises his eyebrows, “Seriously dude?”

Rolling his eyebrows Gabe replies with “I've come all this way and your here so yeah, lets do this.”

~Castiel~

The room is an eerie quiet after Dean leaves, no one come or goes leaving Cas alone in his thoughts. It's strange how after only a small amount of time Dean has become the most serious fixture in his life. He supposes he shouldn't let himself get attached, if he doesn't wake up then Dean will inevitably one day leave him, and he doesn't know what he would do without Dean. Now that Dean can hear him sometimes he doesn't ever want him to stop coming.

But that’s a thought, why cant Dean hear him? Is it how he says it? How much emotion he puts in? No, it cant be that because when he was screaming at Dean that was pretty emotional and he didn't hear all of that. It's definitely confusing him, a lot, but he guesses its something to think about while he waits for Dean to return. 

Tomorrow comes surprisingly quickly for Castiel and it seems like no time at all before the door opens revealing Dean's slightly nervous face.... wait nervous? Oh, that might be because following closely behind him is Gabriel. Cas tenses at the sight of him, but Dean's here, he wont let Gabriel say anything like before. At least he hopes not. No, he wont, he trusts Dean.

“Hey Cas, Gabriel wanted to come and say hi today so I brought him along.” Dean begins, smiling softly before looking towards Gabriel.

“Hi Cas.” Gabriel says, voice trying to be confident but cracking slightly. 

“Right, so, okay Gabe why don’t you start by telling Cas what you've been up to recently?” Dean hints, trying to disperse the sudden awkwardness that has fallen over the room. 

“Okay, so just....?” Gabriel looks unsure, “Like just talk about pointless stuff?” 

Dean nods encouragingly and smiles warmly and reassuringly at Cas.

“Okay, okay. So I have a job, in a coffee shop, well I own the coffee shop, but I still work on the front because I like meeting people and making coffee and stuff you know?” Gabriel looks to Dean to see if he’s doing it right and Dean nods.

“I'm going to go get some coffee, okay? Ill be right back.” Dean says.

'Okay Dean,' Cas says causing Dean to smile widely at him. Cas returns the smile knowing that Dean has heard him. 

“Right, so yeah, I've been working there for about three years.” Gabriel continues after Dean has left. “And then I met Sam, Dean's brother.”

'My Doctor. I like Sam, he’s nice.' Cas comments. 

“I really liked Sam you know? When you meet someone and you want to spend all of your time with them and you just know you want to be with them?” 

Castiel looks to where Dean had just left, 'Yeah, I do.' 

“So anyway, now I'm dating Sam and I think he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me to be honest. I really do like him Cas, I wish you could meet him. When you wake up we will have to go out for dinner together.” He smiles tightly. 

'I would like that Gabe' 

“In other news I'm thinking of opening a sweet shop! There's none around here and come on who doesn't want a sweet shop.”

Cas laughs, suddenly remembering Gabriel as a young boy, always carrying skittles in his pocket and a lolly in his mouth. 'I think that would be good Gabe, I think you would be good at that.'

“So yeah, that’s my life.” He finishes, “I also had sex this morning, that was..... eventful. I guess I was kinda nervous about coming so that helped.”

'WOW GABRIEL WHY? I did not need to know that at all.' he laughs through his discomfort. 'Never need to know that.' Cas finishes, smiling. Maybe Gabriel coming to visit more might not be a bad thing, plus seeing as though he is his brother he’s pretty much guaranteed to carry on visiting even if he doesn't wake up.....Hopefully. 

Dean walks back in empty handed, his whole body cautious of what he’s walking into. 

'Hello Dean, Gabriel was just telling me about his life....vividly' 

“Hey guys, everything okay?” Dean asks. 

“Yeah, thought you were getting coffee?” Gabriel asks suspiciously.

“Yeah....It was broken.”

“Okay, well I'm going to be heading off, got a shop to run after all. Thank you Dean, for coming here with me.”

“Any time,” Dean smiles.

“Bye Cas,” Gabriel says sadly before leaving the two men alone. 

“That went..... better than I expected.” Dean comments with a laugh, flopping surprisingly gracefully onto the chair.

'Yes, that wasn't what I was expecting but I'm glad he came.' 

“I hope he comes more, you need other people to see than just me, I'm sure I'm not that entertaining.” Dean snorts.

Cas frowns, 'I’m fine with just you Dean, really.'

“I think he’s working on contacting your other family, who was it? Um.... There was Anna, Balthazar, Luci..... And who was the other one ? Hmm,” 

'Michael' Cas says, surprising himself at the knowledge of his eldest brother he didn't know he knew. 

Dean grins wildly, “Yeah Michael that’s the one. Hey Cas, why can I only hear you some of the time? Like if you're not talking that’s fine, but my guess is that you are and I can only hear certain stuff?”

'I believe so Dean, although I do not know why. I've been thinking over the matter my self.'

“Nothing....Okay.” Dean says obviously not hearing Cas.

'No Dean, I don’t know' Cas says frustratedly. He wishes he could make Dean hear everything he says. It annoys him that random things he says gets through to Dean, its better than nothing but he cant help think that maybe this is something that he is doing. If he could just... Maybe will Dean to hear him? No, he does that already. 

Cas groans in frustration and drops his head into his hands. 

“It's okay dude, its cool. At least I can hear you some of the time right? That's better than nothing. I'm gonna do some research, see if anyone else has experienced this sort of thing. I don’t think I'm going to tell anyone though, they will probably think I'm crazy.” He laughs before his eyes widen, “unless you want me to tell people, I will tell anyone you want? Just try and make it clear to me yeah? Otherwise I’m not gonna say anything.”

'That would be great Dean, and it's fine if you don’t tell anyone, I'm not sure if I want anyone to know either.' Cas replies. 

“Right okay... I’m just gonna not tell anyone. Cos I’m not hearing you, so unless you scream at me, I’m not telling.” He smirks. 

Castiel laughs, 'That's fine with me.' 

“Hey, so I went to see Iron Man 3 at the cinema the other day, dude I don’t know if you have ever seen the Iron Man films but they are awesome. Like wow. So anyway, the new one was amazing and it had......”

Castiel smiles as he listens to Dean ramble on enthusiastically about all things marvel, loving every second he gets to spend with this amazing man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eeek lot of speech in this update :P Thanks for reading :D leave a comment... maybe... if you want.... you know. ;)


	8. Because you had a bad day.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has a bad day and Cas helps him through it :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading :) so im doing this update before i go to turkey (tomorrow) for a week. hope you like it :D (all through writing this i was just singing 'Cos you had a bad day' ehehehe)

The next two weeks pass as a blur to Cas, Dean comes and goes as normal sharing his daily life, reading to him, making him laugh, making him hope. Gabriel comes again as well, not for long, but its enough for Cas to know his brother cares about him, well enough to visit. 

However today, when Dean steps slowly into the room, Cas knows something is wrong. 

Dean's shoulders are stiff, his whole body tense. He holds the door for too long, as if debating whether or not to go back out or stay. Hesitantly he sits down in his chair and breathes deeply as if trying to relax himself, or work up the courage to say something.... 

Cas moves cautiously to sit opposite Dean, fearing the worst and trying not to think of all the possibilities that could have Dean acting like this. 

'Dean?' He asks nervously. 

“Hey Cas.” Dean says, voice void of any expression and recognition of Cas, “How's your day been? Cos' mines just been fucking great you know.” He finishes sharply.

'Dean...' Cas says, not quite sure where this is going.

“Shit Cas I’m sorry. I wasn't meant to bring this crap to you.” He runs his hands over his face and sighs. “I mean my problems are stupid and pathetic and no one else should have to hear them, especially you.... But I don’t know Cas, I feel like hell and I just want to..... I don’t know.” He groans frustratedly. “I shouldn't have come. I’m sorry.”

“Dean, what’s wrong?” Cas says desperately, not liking seeing Dean like his, so desperate, confused and upset. He's meant to be the strong one, he’s meant to keep everything together, so it's killing Cas to see him like this.  
Dean looks up at him suddenly and a small smile flickers across his face showing recognition of what Cas said, before his face hardens again.

“It's just one of them days where one thing after another goes wrong. I don’t want to trouble you Cas...”

'Its fine Dean, talking about things might help?' 

Dean nods, apparently hearing him then again...Which is strange because Dean doesn't normally hear him more than once or twice every visit, sometimes not at all. 

“Yeah, Sammy always says that, its just I wasn't going to... I’m sorry Cas.” Dean sighs.

'It's fine Dean, it's okay. You can tell me.' He says, trying to calm Dean slightly. 

Dean doesn't say anything for a while before muttering, “Okay Cas. Its pathetic really but okay.” 

Neither of them in their distress notice that Dean is hearing everything Cas is saying. Until suddenly he doesn't. 

'It's okay Dean, nothing is pathetic.'

…..No response

'Dean it's okay.' 

…....

'Dean, just tell me, nothing is pathetic if its your problem'

…..Nothing. Oh well, it was good while it lasted but Cas has no time to think about that now, not when Dean is steadying his breathing and beginning to talk. 

“It started with Sam, like Sammy has been spending a lot more time with Gabriel which is fine. I’m glad he’s happy and everything. He sleeps over a lot and yeah, he’s been moving away for a while now, which I knew would happen. It's inevitable that we would move on with our lives, but that’s not what I'm upset with. I’m fine with that, I think.....Oh god what am I saying. Its just he’s my little brother. I've protected him my whole life you know. I know Gabriel is good for him, but It's not the same. I wont be there if anything happens. It wont be the same without Sammy, and I know that really damn selfish but I cant help it. Just for once can I be selfish and say that I don’t want him to go.” Dean says, emotion dripping from every word.

'Oh Dean....' Cas begins but is cut off.

“Then today I hear Sammy talking to Gabriel, all whispers thinking I cant hear them, discussing moving in. Gabe was asking if he'd told me yet, about moving to his flat, and Sam said no. I don’t like it when he keeps stuff from me, but that wasn't all. He said he didn't want to tell me because he didn't think I could take it, being alone in the flat' and he didn't want me to get upset or 'leave me alone because I don’t have anyone else'. It's not like I cant live on my own. Yeah I'd be upset about Sam moving out, but its not a mega thing. I can deal with it. And what’s with all the 'he doesn't have anyone else', I’m not that bad that I'm going to cripple over and die as soon as I'm alone in stupid flat by myself.” Dean's voice is growing louder in his frustration. 

'Dean, you need to calm down.' 

“And then Gabriel's all like 'Its okay Sam, I totally understand'. What the hell does he understand, they talk like I'm an invalid or someone that’s so fragile they are going to break when they learn there brother is moving a couple of streets away. I don’t understand why they cant just discuss this with me instead of whispering behind my back. Just.... Damn it Cas.” He shouts, tears forming up in his eyes. 

'It's going to be okay Dean.' Cas tries desperately but Dean doesn't hear him. 

“I'm not going to be alone. I’m not Cas. I have friends and Sam will still come over. It's just he will come over less and less. Not that that bothers me.” Dean says quickly, showing that it does in face, bother him a lot. “Okay maybe it does. But I'm not too fragile, or whatever crap they think, to handle it. I’m fine, so I wish they would just talk to me about it or something. I don’t know Cas... I don’t know.” He finishes weakly, wiping the tears from his eyes before they can fall. 

'Dean....' Cas says desperate for him to hear him, so he can comfort him, but not knowing how to. It's so clear that Dean is afraid of being alone, but Cas wonders if Dean knows this, or just hides behind excuses. It makes Castiel want to hug him and promise him he will never be alone, that Cas will stay with him. But he cant. 

“Then I went to make dinner, smashed a plate. Stood on a shard of the plate and cut my foot open. Which was just fan-fucking-tastic. You think that’s it.... Oh no. I went to wash up and the tap broke, water went everywhere, I managed to turn it off, went to get a towel and slipped on the floor. No wonder Sam doesn't want to live there with breaking taps and... and.. an..” His voice breaks off as a tear runs down his cheek. “I don’t... I don’t know w-what I want Cas... I j-just. I don’t know. I’m so sorry for this. I’m... I’m sorry.” Dean finishes, voice barley above a whisper. 

Castiel's heart breaks for Dean. He wants to take the man up in his arms, hold him while he cries. But he cant. He cant because he’s in a stupid coma. A stupid coma that means he cant hold the one person he cares about while he cries. 

'It will be okay Dean. You will see it will all be okay' Castiel repeats hoping that Dean will hear at least some of what he says, 'Shhhh Dean, it's okay, I'm here, I'm here, its going to be okay.' 

'I wish I could hold your hand and tell you everything is going to be okay, I wish I was there to comfort you Dean, because everything will be okay, it will Dean you will see. It will be okay, Shhhh Dean, its okay. I wish...I wish I was awake and then you could tell me this and I could answer you and you could hear me and I could hold you and you could cry into my shoulder. And I could whisper that its all going to be okay, and you could believe me.. a-and... a-a-and...” Castiel breaks off before he starts to cry too. He needs to stay strong... For Dean. 

'Everything will be fine Dean.' He finishes weakly, Dean not hearing a thing he is saying. 

Dean smiles tightly, “I'll be okay, its just overwhelming you know, I wasn't panning on crying on you Cas, God I’m sorry. But I'll be fine.” 

'Dean, I wish...' Cas begins before Dean cuts him off.

“Do you want me to read? It might be nice to take my mind off things you know?” He says wiping away the remaining wetness off his face with his sleeve and reaching to get his book. He flips to the right page, takes several shaky breaths, then begins to read. 

Cas listens to Deans voice as his reading slows until he grinds to a stop, eyes closing as if he doesn't realize he's sat with Castiel. It only takes a few seconds before Deans head lolls to the side and he falls into a peaceful sleep. 

Castiel get up and walks around to Deans chair, perching on the bed next to his motionless body so he’s closer to Dean's sleeping form. He supposes it may look a little creepy watching Dean like this, but he couldn't care less at the minute and no one can see him. Dean looks so peaceful, so innocent and at rest. He snuggles into the chair slightly and Cas thinks it might be one of the cutest things he’s ever seen, no scratch that, when he sniffles and his nose scrunches and bunches his freckles together before straightening out. Now that is beyond adorable. 

There's just something about Dean sleeping. It makes him look younger and free of worries, but also vulnerable. Its so endearing to watch. 

Cas thinks he may be falling slightly in love with one Dean Winchester.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooooo poor Dean :P mwhahah, this chapter was all Castiel's pov and next chapter will be all Dean :p will post that when i get back from turkey next Thursday :D tell me what you thought? anyone have any ideas why Dean can only hear Cas some of the time???


	9. Say that again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back from turkey! so hopefully will post more, gonna be busy with personal stuff but hopefully once a week update with the absolute latest at two weeks an update. Thank you to everyone still reading this :D really thanks. hope you enjoy.

Dean wakes to a soft hand on his shoulder and turns to look into the face of a nurse smiling softly down at him.

“Visiting times are over, I’m sorry but I’m afraid I have to tell you to leave now.” She says softly. 

“Yeah, sure.” Dean groans quietly and runs a hand over his face. “Bye Cas.” He says softly, smiling warmly down at him before walking out the door the nurse is holding open for him. 

She smiles sadly at him, “He must be someone very dear.” 

“Yeah,” Dean replies, “He is.”

It's only when Dean gets home and flops down on his bed that the events of the day hit him. Talking to Cas about his problems, even though he didn’t plan to, definitely helped him. He feels less like Sam leaving is his impending doom and more like something new, a change. He's not saying its suddenly going to be easy for him, but its something manageable now, something he can and will deal with. Sam's happy and that means he's happy. Yeah, he's.... happy. Anyway, Dean still has Cas. 

Talking of Cas, where did all these..... Feelings.... Come from? He feels so relaxed in Castiel's presence, at home nearly. Which is really alarming seen as though he hasn't even talked to the guy outside this weird mind thing they have got going. 

Yeah.....He's just gonna put his feelings for Cas over there. Way over there. And focus on the weird mind thing they have, but tomorrow. Right now, sleep. 

The following day Dean's mind is focused on research. Normally he hates this sort of thing, giving Sam all his school research projects as kids and what not. But this time he's focused. He tries googling all sorts of things to do with coma patients, strange coma experiences, anything he can think of but none of the results are anything close to what he and Cas have. 

Dean trails through site after site as he desperately tries to find anything helpful at all. 

After two hours of searching he slams the laptop down and groans in frustration, starting to wonder if it really is all just in his head. He hopes not because one that would make him grade A crazy, and two that would mean that Cas is just......Well Cas, and not Cas? Yeah Dean got some really organised thoughts there, he thinks scoffing at himself. 

He leans back in the chair, releasing a puff of air and thinking desperately. 

Okay, he thinks, so if google is giving no answers then.....Wait Pamela! Bobby's crazy ass friend with all her psychic crap, she might know something. 

Dean grabs the phone and phones Bobby. 

“Dean,” Bobby answers gruffly. 

“Hey, I was wondering if you still had the number of that Psychic chick, Pamela was it?” Dean asks. 

“Yeah... Somewhere. Why you want that boy?” Bobby answers suspiciously. 

“Um...” Dean's mind whizzes, crap, he should have though of this more before calling. “It's just that um, Charlie. Yeah Charlie wants to get the 'Psychic Experience' thing and I didn't want her to get ripped off you know? Thought Pamela was the real deal and all.” He bulls quickly. 

“Sure.” Bobby replies, obviously not buying it but also not questioning it. “Right here you go...”

Dean takes down the number, thanks Bobby and hangs up.

“Right, best give this a shot,” he mutters, taking a deep breath before dialing the number. 

She picks up on nearly the first ring, “Hello.”

“Hey, its D..”

“Dean Winchester, had a feeling you were going to call.” She says cutting him off. 

“Oh...Right.” He says, unsure what to say now. 

“So, what you want boy?” 

“Right, so this may be a little weird,” Dean begins and Pamela snorts, “But I have this friend, he’s in the hospital, in a coma, but I can hear him talking. Like he will talk to me and I will only get some of what he says, and I really really hope I’m not crazy and all, but I wondered if you knew why, or if you knew how to, I don’t know, like hear everything he says?” Dean rambles quickly, hoping not to sound like a complete and utter nut job. But then again he is talking to a psychic, like an actual real powers kind of psychic. 

“Hmmm. Give me a minute, I need to think.” Pamela replies and the phone goes quiet, leaving Dean awkwardly on the other end.

“Right,” Pamela says after a few minutes, making Dean jump before looking around to see if anyone had seen.

“So this is all I have. I've heard of nothing like your case before. However, when two soul mates, and I mean proper soul mates. Like there's only a handful in every city who are bonded pure to each other. So these people often report hearing their loved one talk to them when there on their death bed, or in a serious accident. Life threatening situations and what not, where one of them dies. Transgressing the border between the living and the dead when they hang in a sort of limbo. Now, that’s all I can think of what could be applied to your situation, that you shave a psychic connection with him due to your bond and can hear him in his current state. ” Pamela explains cautiously. 

“But I'm not in love with Cas. I’m not his 'Soul mate' or whatever.” 

“You may not be in love with him yet Dean, but that has nothing to do with being soul mates. You cant do anything to change who your soul mate is, its to do with your energy, your soul and light fits perfectly with only one other person Dean, and the fact is, the only thing that could allow this connection you have, is that you and this 'Cas' fit. Your meant to be together Dean, its the only possible solution to your problem.” Pamela says frustratedly. 

“Okay... okay. So, I'm not saying your right, but if you are then how come I cant hear him all the time?” Dean asks, skepticism surrounding his voice. 

“Do you know you're hard to read Dean?”

“Ummmm. What?” Dean relies dumbfounded. 

“It's hard to see into your head. Because you put up walls Dean. Subconsciously of course, you cant help it. I believe this wall is what is stopping you hearing all of what Castiel says.” 

“So how do I... take down this wall?” Dean asks curiously.

“That's the hard part, because not many people have this so no one really knows. Seen as though the wall was put up subconsciously. But it can be lessened, possibly allowing more of what Castiel says to reach you. It can lessen, but also increase when your emotions high.” 

“....Wait so if I had a height of emotions, the wall can change its state?” 

“Exactly,” Pamela says, “You're cleverer than you look boy. So although I cant give you a definite answer because no one knows, I suggest you work on focusing on your bond with Cas until you can almost feel the connection, keep calm and open your mind, try to imagine the wall breaking......Hell I ain’t know, just splurtin' out crap for you to try. So go try.” Pamela says, laughing slightly. 

“Right, okay then. Thank you Pamela. I mean it really, thank you.” Dean replies, digesting this information. 

“Any time boy,” 

“Wait.... wait,” Dean says quickly before she can hang up, “You said, you said that these 'soul mates' experience this when there love one are dying and on their death bed?”

“Yes Dean.” She says softly. 

“But Cas isn't dying, he’s just in a coma.” Dean answers quickly.

“There's not a case of this where the person has lived Dean. Some coma patients just....Don't wake up, you need to be prepared for the face that Cas might not, and probably wont ever wake up Dean,” Pamela says gently but the words hit him like a bullet to the head, repeating over and over like a ambulance siren. Probably wont ever wake up. Wont ever wake up. Wont ever wake up. Ever wake up. Wake up.....Wake up.

“R-right, okay. Thanks for everything.” Dean chokes out. 

“You're welcome, goodbye Dean.” Pamela replies before hanging up.

The phone slips from Dean's hand but he doesn't register its fall or the clatter against the wooden flooring. He stumbles blearily to the couch and collapses onto it with all the grace of a whale out of water. His face is wet and as he brings his hand up to wipe the water away he realises that its his tears. He's crying. Why is he crying again? 

What? 

Oh yeah, it's because Cas is apparently his one and only soul mate. And he’s going to fucking die. He's going to leave Dean alone in this stupid world without his one true partner. Unless Pamela's wrong. God he hopes Pamela's wrong. He's just got to believe in Cas, believe that he will wake up. 

I mean, does he even believe this soul mate bullshit? People talk about soul mates all the time, it cant be real right? People say 'there my soul mate' just to show love. Soul mates don’t exist. And if they did then surely the only perk isn't heaving your loved one as they die! What kind of bull is that. No, Dean doesn't believe in 'soul mates', and Cas isn't going to die.

Cas ISN'T going to die.

Nope.

Not die. 

Cas is going to wake.

And be fine. 

And wake. 

And not die. 

Its with these thoughts that Dean drifts off into a restless dreamless sleep. 

Dean wakes early the next morning to the smell of bacon. He flops off the couch and stretches his back which is aching like hell. 

“Sam,” He calls blearily. 

“Dean, hey, your awake. You looked pretty knocked out last night so I decided not to wake you. You okay man?” Sam asks cautiously.

“Yeah....Yeah.” Dean answers vaguely, “You're not a Gabriel's?” 

“No, I came back last night, but you were pretty gone out to notice. Sure you're okay?”

“Yeah I’m fine Sammy.” 

Dean contemplates talking to Sam about him moving out to live with Gabriel, but he decides not to. His thoughts are a mess with Cas and he doesn’t want to mess up and say something stupid that he will regret to Sam. 

“I'm just going to go for a walk Sam.” Dean says, grabbing his coat.

“...But I made you breakfast?”

“I'll warm it later, thanks Sammy.” Dean smiles tightly before heading out. 

He walks into the small wood near to their flat and finds the bench right at the center, just off on a little trail that no one walks on. The bench is in memory of someone, Dean doesn't know who, he should after sitting on it so much, but he doesn't. How many people sit on these benches, and take the time to look, wonder and care about the person they were put up in memory for? Dean wonders. It doesn't matter really, it might to someone, because everyone matters to someone, but at the same time that same person doesn't matter to millions of others. 

Cas matters to Dean. 

He shouldn't really. Hell Dean doesn't even really know the guy. 

But he matters.

He matters a lot.

So much that it pains Dean to think that Cas is going to die. No, not 'going to die', but 'possibly going to die'. The second isn't really much more comforting than the first, but at least it contains a sliver of hope. 'Possibly' means that Cas has a chance at waking up, has a chance at life. And it means that Dean might not have to buy a bench in memory of a man he wished he knew. 

He wonders how many people would sit on a bench 'In memory of Castiel'. How many would not even bother to wonder at the story and life behind the name. But Dean would know, because Castiel matters to him, and will continue to matter as long as Dean's alive. 

Maybe....maybe they are meant to be together? Maybe they do share this connection because they are 'soul mates'. Whatever, all Dean knows is that he refuses, REFUSES, to accept that Cas is going to die. Because it's not a definite, and Cas could wake up. Will wake up, because Cas cant leave him, not now.

Dean sits for over two hours, lost in the slight breeze and the sound of life encompassing him as he decides to not let his new knowledge affect him. If he carries on as normal it will be fine. He just has to hope, with all his heart, that Cas will be okay. 

Because he Dean Winchester, thinks he may be falling slightly in love with one Castiel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i didnt plan this but people asked why Dean only hears Cas some of the time so i added this chapter in and remodeled the story. i dont know if i like it, is it too cheesy? let me know what you think :D


	10. Keeping secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of a filler chapter here :P hope you like. Thank you so much for reading :D

Hesitantly, Dean stands outside Castiel's door. He's been here for the past 5 minutes working up the courage to go in after his new found knowledge. He's also trying to work out what exactly to tell Castiel. 

Cos' he can't just pull the "Hey Cas, how are you today, oh yeah probability is you're going to die". 

Nope, he's going to avoid all things to do with death with a ten foot pole. 

He takes a deep breath and prepares to go in but pulls away to lean against the corridor. Don't be stupid Dean, Cas needs you, you need Cas, so man up and just go in there and spend as much time as you can with him. 

A nurse passes him for the third time and asks if he's okay. Dean smiles awkwardly and she returns the gesture before he quickly slips inside the room. 

He nervously looks up at Cas and an easy smile worms it's way onto his face before he can stop it. 

"Hey Cas," he says. Voice full of warmth. 

~Castiel~

"Dean!" Castiel exclaims as the man walks into his room. He's cautious to see what mood Dean will be in today. It pains him to see Dean upset while he can't do anything to help him. And as selfish as it makes him, he loves the days where Dean makes him forget his current situation. 

"Hey, so I've got a few things to tell you," Dean smiles making Cas' heart, as cliche as it is, skip a beat.

"Right so firstly, I didn't speak to Sam about moving out..." 

'Dean.' Cas says frowning, causing Dean to laugh, apparently hearing Cas. 

"Dude your probably frowning at me as well. But ye of little faith, I was busy doing other stuff. I will get to it eventually you know?" 

'I know you will Dean. Best to do it soon though so as not to worry yourself further.' 

Dean doesn't make any move of recognition and Cas sighs. He wishes he could hear him more, just a little more. 

"Right so the other thing I was doing was trying to find out more about the thing we have where I can hear you some of that time, that thing. So there's this woman, Pamela, she's a psychic, and I mean the real deal. And she helped me a bit. She said she's seen nothing just like us before but she told me that it's similar to other stories she's heard but it's rare or something so she doesn't have an answer for us. But it's to do with um.... Emotions and focusing on a wall it something? I don't know really but at least we know we're not crazy right?" He laughs nervously. 

It's obvious to Castiel that its not the full story, but if that's all that Dean wants to tell him then he's okay with whatever he can get. 

'Right so, how do we take down the wall?' Cas asks.

Dean just continues to look at him. 

'Dean take down the wall!' Cas shouts. 

"Dude chill I'm trying," Dean replays, laughing slightly. 

'Oh so that you hear' 

"Yeah man, that I hear." He replies smirking. "So I suggest we just carry on as normal and I just try and work on this wall? Or something?" 

'That sounds great Dean' Cas says but Dean doesn't hear him this time. 

"Right, oh I forgot to tell you, I saw Gabriel on the way here... Well I called at his shop, said he was gonna call in later, he's managed to contact some of your other family."

'Oh.' 

"Yeah so, there's that." Dean says awkwardly. 

'Dean what aren't you telling me?' Cas asks, worried by the other man's awkward behavior. 

"What? Nothing, I'm not, not telling you anything, why would you think that?" He says quickly and Cas frowns. 

"I um, I have to go, I've got stuff to you know, stuff to do." Dean says before smiling and walking out leaving Cas to wonder what the hell just happened. 

Dean was definitely keeping something from him. He doesn't know what, but it must be important to make him act like this. And for him to leave so soon. Castiel frowns, Dean doesn't normally act so awkwardly. He hopes it's not a permanent thing, and even more he hopes it's not something he has done. He doesn't know what he will do if he looses Dean to due to his own fault. 

He sits looking out the window as people pass and go. Sometimes he wonders what it would be like o walk out of this room, to walk out of the hospital and away from his body to explore. Would he be okay? Would this outer body experience thing not go long distance? That's the problem, he just doesn't know so he's not going to risk it, as much as he would love to. 

Cas wonders what it would be like though, if he woke up. Would he still be friends with Dean? He likes to think so. Ideally they would be more than friends, living together in a small flat. They would go for days out to art museums and dean would talk animatedly to him as he worked on his car, Cas would nod and pretend to be listening but would really be admiring Dean work and focusing on his perfect voice. They would go out for meals and hang out with Sam and Gabriel, maybe even double date and .....

Castiel was snapped from his thoughts by the door opening and Gabriel walking inside. 

"Hey lil' bro," he says, Cas now fully out of his little fantasy.

What even was that, he shouldn't.... He shouldn't be thinking those things about Dean, especially when there is no chance of them ever coming true. 

"Soooooo," Gabriel starts, drawing Castiel's attention to him. "I managed to get in touch with everyone."

'Okay' Cas swallows nervously. 

"Anna is coming over in two days. She's not sure how long she can get off work but, at least, she's here for a week. Balthazar is extremely busy with work, so he says, so he can only stay for two days, but he will get here in three days, he's in France at the minute. He's an antique dealer, never would have guessed but I suppose you already knew that." He smiles sadly before his face hardens. 

"Neither Michael or Luci are coming. They're at a key point in their businesses, which are competitors against each other. And apparently if either one leaves the others business will take a lead. What utter bullshit. You don't put business before family. Even worse they both tried to recruit me to work for them, which will never happen. I just can't believe...... I can't believe..... That nothing's changed. They're still the same, fighting between themselves and not caring what's going on around them." He sighs and looks down. "I'm sorry Cas, I didn't mean to rant on at you." 

'It's okay Gabe. It's.... Disappointing, but I don't know what I expected really. It might be best that they don't come. I can't imagine them being supportive while they claw at each others throats.' 

"I just wish, I know this is wrong Cas, but I was hoping this would bring us together you know? Make them realise how stupid this whole thing is you know?" 

'I understand Gabriel, I know.' Cas sighs dejectedly. He was kind of hoping the same thing. 

After a few minuets Gabriel starts to speak again, "Anyways, now we have that out of the way I was gonna tell you I'm seriously thinking bout this sweet shop thingy. Okay so, you will never guess what?" He says gleefully and Cas is once again struck by how quickly Gabriel can change moods, maybe he just hides what he feels extremely well. 

'What?' Cas asks face turning slowly in a grin. 

"Okay so, I think the gods are in love with me, or at least I pleased someone in a past life because....." He pauses for *dramatic effect* ".... The shop next door has just gone up for sale! And I bought it, with a little help from Sam. Perks of dating a rich doctor eh?" 

Cas laughs, 'Why Gabe, I don't know how Sam puts up with you.'

"Anyways back on topic, so the coffee shop and sweet shop will be side a la side so I can manage both! How cool will that be."

'That would be very cool Gabriel' 

"I know, I know, I'm awesome." Gabe says and for a second Castiel thinks that he might have heard him but that little hope soon vanishes when Gabriel continues as if nothing has happened. "Sam's been great lately, I really do like him you know. Like properly like him. The fluffy haired moose, we're thinking about moving in together."

'I'm really happy for you Gabriel. And I know' 

"Sam's just got to figure out how to tell Dean, then hopefully he'll move in" 

The door opens and Sam, speak of the devil, pops his head round. 

"Hey Gabe, thought I'd find you here, I've just got off work and I thought maybe...." Sam trails off with a wink. 

"Oh Sam.... You kinky devil, hells yeah." He says adding a quick "bye Cas" as he flees the room with record speed. 

Castiel smirks as he watched Gabriel go and feels a sudden longing, a longing for Dean to come and sweep him away so they could be together. 

A longing that he knows, will probably never be fulfilled. 

~Dean~

Dean drives hurriedly back to his apartment, he feels guilty about leaving him so suddenly, but he needs to be alone. He needs to be able to think. Because he has an idea. An idea of how to break down this 'wall' if there is one, which he's slowly starting to believe there is. 

He flops down onto his bed and sighs, processing his thoughts.

Okay so Pamela said this only happened between soul mates. And soul mates love each other right? No questions asked.

But Dean doesn't, wait, hasn't known Cas. So doesn't love him yet?

So maybe if Dean just accepted the fact that he loves Cas, maybe just maybe the wall will weaken. 

Maybe.

He runs a hand down his face and growls to himself, muttering "This isn't a god damn chick flick Dean. You're so full of shit" to himself before getting up for a quick shower.

It isn't long though before the thoughts slip back into his head. 

What if its the only way to help Cas? 

What if he is in love with him and he's to much of a selfish dumb ass to admit it? 

What if he does love him? 

Cas wouldn't love him back though, I mean who would? 

But at least..... At least he can try. 

Yeah, he will give it a try, it might now work..... But he will try his damned hardest to make sure it does. 

And that's that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think Dean should just tell him???? thanks for reading :D


	11. And the conversation beguins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooooo...... I took in all your comments and I hope you enjoy ....

Dean wakes feeling hopeful, well, a little nervous, like a lot nervous. He's gonna break this wall. He's already decided to try his stupid little idea, not that he thinks it will work, but he will try anyway, for Cas. 

He slowly makes himself some coffee, stumbling around the kitchen in an early morning haze. He notices there's no Sam.... Again. He's going to have to get used to that, he thinks, brows furrowing in dislike. Cas, he's got to focus on Cas, and leave his brother till later. 

So here's what he's gonna do. Here's the plan. He's gonna tell Cas everything, about the soul mates and about....about how he loves him. And even if it makes no effect at all on the wall or whatever, at least Cas will know the truth, and he can hate or not want Dean there as much as he likes. Or he could feel the same, a small hopeful part of Dean supplies. Anyway its the right thing to do. He would want to be told if it was him in Cas' place, so that’s what he’s gonna do. 

Dean keeps repeating it over and over in his head as if to build up his courage. I mean he’s not scared........Okay he’s really really nervous. 

Next thing he knows he's sitting down next to Cas wondering just how he got here so fast. 

Twisting his hands nervously, he mumbles a shaky, “Hey Cas.” 

He doesn’t hear a reply so he nervously mumbles out his speech, “Right so I’ve got some stuff to tell you and um....Yeah I'm just gonna go for it.” He starts looking cautiously down at Cas' face, but it does nothing to sooth his nerves. “Okay so, when I first came in here, when I first saw you.. I knew....Man I'm sorry I’m really not very good at all this.” He waves a hand between himself and Castiel to emphasise 'this'.

“But bear with me man. Okay, so I saw you and it was like...Like I'd finally found you, when I hadn't even been looking for you. And I knew I couldn’t leave you here.... I didn’t know why but I just felt the need to be with you, be close to you. I know this sounds stupid, but I like you dude. Like a lot and I know how strange this sounds and.... Oh god.”

He stumbles over his words before taking a shaky breath. 

“Anyway, so Pamela said that, that this connection only happens to soul mates. Not all the crap you hear but the real deal. Like there are only a few true soul mate pairs that meet, I ain’t know. I didn’t believe all of this but... with you and what we can do, I think I just might, you know, believe. Anyway this only happens to soul mates..... Hey Cas..” He laughs slightly, “Meet your soul mate.” he grins cheekily before winking, trying to lighten the situation for what he has to say next.

The hard part....

“She also said.... She also said that it only happens when one of the pair is dying. Now Cas, our case is different okay, just don’t think of it like that okay, I'm not giving up hope and you damn well shouldn't either. There's never been a situation like ours so we just have to keep up the hope that you're gonna wake up okay. Cos I cant loose you Cas.” His voice starts to thicken with emotion as tears threaten his eyes. Damn, there's just something about Cas, and the thought of loosing him that makes Dean just break apart. 

“I cant loose you Cas. Not now I've found you. I need you Cas.” He mumbles before quietly whispering, “I love you.” 

He stares at Cas a little before realising that he agrees who heartedly with those three little words.

He repeats them with more strength, “I love you. And if you want me to, I’ll be here every step of the way with you, because I love you and God I cant stop saying that now. I love you Cas.” 

~Castiel~

He stares at Dean in utter shock. No words even beginning to form in his mouth...... Dean.. Dean loves him? He loves Castiel, but.... How. Of course, he loves Dean too, I mean its strange and weird and he shouldn’t feel this way for someone who he’s never even met but he finds he doesn’t care one little bit, he loves Dean and Dean loves him. 

His smile can barely be contained on his face as he grins wildly at Dean, a choking happy noise escaping his mouth. 

Emotions flicker along Deans face before he sets into a grimace. Cas frowns. 

“Yeah... I’m gonna just go, I can see that you..... I’m gonna go.” Dean mumbles and it takes Cas all of three seconds to realise that he hasn't said a word to Dean. 

He scrambles up quickly shouting 'Dean, wait!' 

Dean stops rising out of the chair in favour of collapsing back into it with a broken, 'Cas.' escaping his lips. 

'Dean... I... I love you too Dean. I cant explain it but I love you.' 

“Really? You... I don't know what to say man.” Dean says sounding shocked beyond belief.

'Yes really. Did you not believe I would return your feelings?' Cas asks. 

“I hoped. But doubted.” He laughs nervously, “Dude this is so surreal.” 

'I know what you mean. I.... So....I guess.....Soul mates huh?' Cas mumbles out. 

“Yeah I know, crazy right. Wait, I can hear everything you're saying.” He exclaims excitedly. “I think we broke the wall, that’s awesome man.” 

'Yes Dean. You do not know how happy that makes me. To me able to talk freely to you and have you hear me is... It's more that I would have ever hoped of since I woke up here.” 

Dean grins, the expression not seeming able to leave his face. “Same here.” 

They both stay silent for a while before Dean laughs, “I love how we both have so much we wanted to say to each other and now we can, were sat here struggling for words.” 

Cas chuckles, 'I suppose I'm a bit overwhelmed.' 

“Oh, yeah. Of course. I should have though.... Sorry, I know this must be a lot for you, I can....” 

'No Dean, its fine.' Cas says interrupting the babbling man. 'I only meant that its a lot to take in and then talk so freely about different every day topics, I mean surely we should talk about the other stuff that Pamela told you....” He drifts off. 

Dean face turns stiff and he doesn’t respond. 

'About how I’m probably.... I'm probably going to d..die.” Cas chokes off, attempting to be strong but fear floods through him. He doesn’t want to die. He doesn’t want to leave Dean, not know he knows everything. He wants to wake up, to be okay, to spend his time with Dean doing normal things. He doesn’t want to die. 

“Hey, hey.” Dean says, bringing back his attention. “You're not going to die okay? Pam has never seen a case like us okay? You know that that means? It means were different. I believe one day you will wake up and you will be fine okay? So I don’t want you believing anything different, because I know you're not going to die. Okay?” He says, voice firm and strong. Cas finds himself believing every word Dean says and clings onto them with everything he has. 

'Okay Dean' He all but whispers. 

“Right good.” Comes Deans short reply. 

'Have you told anyone? About us? Your brother? Gabriel?' Cas asks. 

“No, I thought they would think I was crazy or something, do you want me to?” 

'No.' Cas replies shortly.

“Okay then,” Dean grins, “I feel like a high schooler secretly dating behind my parents back.” 

Castiel laughs at Dean but it comes out more of a giggle. 

“Dude, you're like too cute.” Dean comments causing Castiel to blush furiously, not that Dean can see, but that doesn’t stop his squirming. 

'Deeeean' He whines and Dean laughs even more, before slowly turning serious. 

“What's it like Cas?” He asks gently. 

'What's what like?' Castiel answers hesitantly. 

“You know this.” Dean says waving his arm at Castiel's body.

'Oh... um, its like, well its like I'm a ghost, I can see you and I can see my own body and I cant touch anything, I'm just.... well like a ghost.' he answers quietly.

“I'm so sorry Cas.” 

'Why Dean?' 

“Because this shouldn't be happening to you. You shouldn't have to deal with this.”

Cas stays silent. Studying his hands like there the most interesting thing in the world. 

“Wait so.... Where are you right now?” Dean says cautiously. 

'On the chair opposite you.' 

For a second Dean looks right at him, before shaking his head and smiling. “So like, I've been looking at your body while you are right there. Man that’s weird. I don’t know where to look now I mean looking at the empty chair seems weird but looking at you also seems strange now I know your sat over there.” 

Castiel laughs at Deans sudden awkwardness. “Its okay Dean, you can keep looking at my body.” 

Dean quirks an eyebrow winking as he says, “Oh yeah?”

Cas blushes for the second time mumbling a 'Shut up Dean'.

Dean laughs and Cas notices how it lights up his whole face. In that moment, he doesn’t care that he’s in a coma, he doesn’t care that he cant wake up, he doesn’t care that he might die, because Dean takes away all his worries. He looks at Dean and the world can be burning and he wouldn't notice. He thinks, in this moment, that he would very much like to kiss Dean Winchester. 

“Your sisters coming tomorrow, how you feeling about that?” Dean asks, bring Cas out of his thoughts and smack bang into reality. 

'Umm.....I'm not sure. I mean I want to see her, but I don’t want her to see me like this. It's hard because I just want to tell them... tell them I'm okay you know. I tried, so much with Gabriel but its like I'm on the other side of a glass wall and they cant see or hear me and...' 

“Hey, hey,” Dean says, interrupting Castiel's fluster. “It's gonna be okay. Trust me. If you want I’ll come straight after Anna's visit?”

'I would like that very much Dean. Thank you.'

“It's okay Cas.” Dean replies smiling down at Cas and wondering if this situation is a blessing or a curse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gahhhh im drowning in fluff help me ;) is this what you wanted? did u like? What u think?


	12. When siblings come along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late guys! omg A-level is evil and hard and uuugh. Hope you like :)

Chapter 12

Castiel waits nervously. Gabriel had said that Anna would be here at 1pm. It's 1.20pm. That's 20mins late. Maybe she got lost? Maybe she decided not to come? There's too many variables and Cas is starting to worry. To be quite honest he'd rather not see Anna. He knows its selfish of him but he doesn’t want to go through it all again, he’s just got his connection going with Dean and is happy for once. Well as happy as he can be given the circumstances, and Anna visiting is bound to be painful for both of them. But he supposes he cant do anything about it. 

He definitely cant do anything about it when a flushed, wind blown, wide eyed Anna stumbles into the room. 

“Castiel..” She breathes out, voice a whisper hardy reaching Castiel's ears.

'Hey Anna. Long time no see,' He jokes to himself, but not really seeing any humor in it right now.

“Oh Cas,” She says putting a hand over her mouth and coming to sit beside him. “Oh God. Cas.” She repeats herself, bringing a carefully manicured hand up to stroke Castiel's head lovingly.

She continues this or a few minutes and Cas watches awkwardly, wishing he could just wake up and hug her, just tell her he’s okay. She leans down and places a small kiss to his head before sitting back and taking his hand in hers. 

“How did you get yourself into this mess Castiel?” She asks rhetorically. 

'You tell me Anna, you tell me.' 

They stay like this for a while. Neither talking but both sitting in the comfortable silence. He thinks he sees Anna's eyes tear up every one in a while but then she quickly blinks them away. 

“It's going to be okay lil bro.” She says reassuringly, sounding a little like Gabriel, which makes Cas smile.

“Gabe tells me that he talks to you?” Cas nods. “Well, I don’t know if you can hear me but oh well. I have a new job, in fashion actually, I’m designing clothes for people and its pretty exiting, I get to travel all over the world and apparently I’m pretty good, got my designs in a few well known magazines. You will have to come to a show when you wake up, see some of my stuff. If you want like, you don’t have to Cas.” 

'That's great Anna. I’m glad your doing something you enjoy, and it's amazing that you're doing so well! I'd love to come to a show... you know, when I wake up.' Castiel replies, and he almost forgets she cant hear him after talking to Dean.

Anna apparently has the same thought process, “You know, I keep thinking your going to answer me,” She says quietly. “That you will ask me all these questions like you used to do. It's... This....I never thought that this would happen. I’m so sorry Castiel.” 

'Everyone says that.' Cas says dejectedly. 'Everyone says they're sorry, but sorry for what. They didn't out me in the coma, they cant help me, so why is everyone sorry. Being sorry isn't going to change anything.' 

Castiel has tears in his eyes now and has to fight to keep them at bay. He cant break down again, he has to be strong. This is his life at the minuet and as much as it sucks all the way to hell and back, he can do nothing to change it. So he might as well accept it and look towards the positives. 

Anna goes back to sitting silently and stroking his hand, so Castiel takes the time to talk. 

'I've met someone Anna, well I think I have, I could be hallucinating delusionally but that would mean that you aren't here either, so I think I'm not. Anyway, his names Dean. He's amazing, you would like him I think. I guess even though this sucks, it gave me a chance to meet Dean so that’s a plus.' He says adding to himself, even though I'm probably going to die. 'He's got the most magical green eyes and lots of freckles and I think were soul mates, like the proper ones Anna.' 

Once he starts Cas finds he cant stop himself. 

'At first he came to read to me, his brother is one of my doctors you see. So he would come and talk about himself and the world and read to me, and oh Anna he’s perfect. Then to make it even better, he could hear me! He’s the only one who can hear me. He phoned up a psychic who said its because were soul mates, and when I wake up its going to be perfect Anna, because he’s perfect and I think I love him.' 

Its clear that Anna cant hear a thing he’s saying but he keeps babbling nether the less. It's quite relaxing having her sit there, not talking, not doing anything, just sitting there silently supporting and gently rubbing his hand.

“And his brother is dating Gabriel and is moving out of their flat, him and his brother lived together, so he was all sad and worried and angry, because Sam doesn't want to make him upset by telling him, which is in fact making him upset. And I just wanted to hug him and kiss him and reassure him and when he sleeps his face is so innocent and cute, although I think he'd probably prefer the term hansom, and....” 

He's half way through his babble when speak of the devil Dean Winchester himself walks into the room. 

“Hey Cas,” He starts, but cuts off when he spots Anna. “Oh, hey, you must be Anna? I didn't think you would be still here, I’m sorry.” 

“Its fine,” She smiles tightly, “Who are you?” 

“Oh, I’m Dean, Dean Winchester, I come in and read to Castiel and talk to him and keep him company and stuff. My brother is his doctor.” Dean says hurriedly, trying to explain why he's here without sounding weird.

“That's nice of you, thanks. I’m sure he will appreciate it when he... wakes... I’m glad he has someone you know?” Anna says, voice trying and failing to stay steady. 

Dean smiles slightly. “How are you doing? And don’t just say fine.” 

“Okay I suppose... Considering.” She says before crumbling and falling into Dean's arms with a sob. 

“Hey, hey, it's gonna be okay, shh.” He says before mouthing 'you okay?' at Cas.

Castiel smiles sadly, wishing it was him in Dean's arms but he’s also glad Dean is here to comfort Anna when he cant. 'I’m okay Dean, better than expected.' 

Dean mouths back 'Good' before Anna breaks away sniffling. 

“I'm so sorry Dean... I've gotta get going and... Bye Cas” Anna says, wiping her tears and putting on a hard smile before exiting quietly. 

“You okay?” Dean asks as soon as she leaves the room. 

'I... I think so. Seeing Anna again was nice, obviously not under the circumstances, but I suppose it wasn't as bad as I was expecting.'

“How so?” 

'Well she didn’t really say anything, she just sat there, it was nice, comforting. ' 

Dean looks slightly uncomfortable before saying “That's good Cas, I'm glad it went okay.” 

~Dean ~

Dean hadn't meant to come in when Castiel's sister Anna was still here, man that was awkward. I mean not only does he feel bad for leading her to leave but for cutting Cas' time with his sister, who he surely wants to spend time with rather than spend time with him. 

And then to have his worst fears confirmed, Cas prefers the silent gently comforting. Of course, of course he wouldn't want Dean talking to him all the time, for God sake Dean he’s have a hard enough time without you blabbering on to him for hours on end, he thinks. 

'Dean? Are you okay?' Cas asks him cautiously.

“Yeah.” He manages. 

Does Cas even want him here? Sure they may be soul mates but they don’t know each other really. Does Cas not feel the same? Doubt starts creeping it's way slowly into his mind.

'Dean! What’s wrong?' Cas says more forcefully. 

“Do you even want me here Cas?” Dean asks, mind already swimming with doubt. 

'What? Of course Dean. Why....Why would you even ask that?' Cas asks bewildered and hurt.

“It's okay Cas, you like it when people don’t say anything, I understand its comforting. You don’t want me babbling on.” He says, not really listening to Cas. 

~Castiel~

'Dean are you even listening to yourself? I want you here. I love it when you talk to me and read and tell me about your day. You know what Dean, screw you okay. It was hard enough seeing Anna when I cant hug her or talk to her or tell her that I'm okay' Cas starts and is filled with a sudden anger. Its not like he means to say this to Dean, but he cant help it, all his frustration just seems to poor out at once. 

'I cant say that I miss her, I cant hold her hand back. It was hard enough okay, without you accusing me that I don’t want you here. You who make this whole situation bearable in the first place. I’m sorry that you feel the need for comfort, but I cant Dean, I cant...' His voice starts to break up. 'I cant do it, I cant do this any more. I just want to give up Dean.'

“Cas...” Dean says, raw emotion wrecking his voice. 

'Please... Just go away Dean. Its not like you can hug me or comfort me anyway.' Cas says, defeat evident in his voice. 

“Cas..” Dean tries again but is interrupted by Castiel. 

'Just leave me alone Dean' He all but screams, but really wanting to curl up in Dean's arms. 

“Okay, okay. I’m going, I'm going.... I just, I love you Cas.” Dean says, tears in his eyes escaping down his face. When Castiel doesn't reply he walks out, leaving Cas alone once again. 

He sobs, tears illuminating his ocean blue eyes. 'Dean...' He chokes out. 

'Dean don’t go... Don’t leave me... Dean. Dean... Dean' Cas chokes out, tasting his own tears on his lips. 'I’m sorry Dean, I don’t want you to go.' 

Castiel cries himself to sleep, while Dean slumps down, back against his bedroom door across town, crying himself into his own fitful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not happy with my Anna bit but oh well, what you think? was that okay for her character? and for the ending......I'm sorry. I'm a horrible human ;) i will get better.... maybe ;)


	13. one day more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long *don't murder me its up* hope you like it etc etc

Dean moves in a slow hazy pace. Not really caring about anything at all. He eats and sleeps. Then he repeats the process. He tries to keep his mind free of Cas but he cant, his memory cruelly replaying the last time he saw him, hearing the desperation in his voice when he told Dean to go away. Its so confusing, one minute he was saying he needed Dean, that he wanted him there and the next he was screaming at him to go. Did he want Dean there? Did he not? Its all too confusing for him. 

He doesn't know what to do. Does he go back? What if Cas doesn't want him there and sends him away again. Dean knows he’s being selfish but he cant face being sent away a second time by the one person he has truly ever loved. By his soul mate for hell sake. 

Then again what if Cas wants him back? What if he’s waiting for Dean to return to him and Dean doesn't show. How can he let Cas down like that? He needs him Cas, he cant deny that. Just like he cant deny he will go back and see Cas, its stupid to think that he wont. No matter the risks he knows that he will go back, he just needs to figure out when. He cant go back today, he’s not ready for confrontation yet and he doubts Cas is either. He cant go tomorrow because that’s when his cousin Balthazar is visiting. He will go the day after....Yeah that gives him enough time to work up the courage.

He drops his face into his hands and catches his reflection in the mirror, god does he look a mess. Why does he do this? Why does he mess up everything he has? He doesn't deserve someone like Cas, he knows that but he cant help how selfishly he wants to be with Cas. 

“Hey Dean.” Sam greets as he walks into the room, dumping his bag unceremoniously on the floor. 

“I know you want to move in with Gabriel Sammy so I think you should. You like him, your good together, ill be fine here, you should move in with him.” Dean says surprising himself. One minuet his mind was on Cas and the next thing he knows he’s blurting it out. Damn it Dean, he had this speech planned and he just blurted it out without warning. Can he not do anything right. 

“Ummm.... Well hello to you too.” Sam says cautiously, sitting down slowly next to Dean. 

“I... I just don’t want you to hold back, I know your serious with Gabriel and I'm really happy for you man. I just want you to know that I say go for it.” 

“Well. This is um... sudden and random but thanks. I was going to talk to you later about it actually. Were thinking of doing a trial period where I move in for a while and see how it goes you know? Are you sure you would be okay with that?” Sam asks warily. 

“Sure dude, why wouldn't I be? I can help you pack up your stuff later if you want.” Dean says, but inside he’s screaming at Sammy not to leave him, he cant look after him if he leaves. Of course he knew he would move out eventually, everyone leaves him some time or another, he’s just glad that Sam's leaving because of Gabriel, and not because of something stupid he did. 

“Thanks Dean.......You know, I really do like him. I mean when he does his cheeky little smile...”

“DUDE stop.” Dean interrupts. “I swear you're about to grow a vagina.” 

“I'm sorry I'm not stuck in the land of emotional constipation like someone over there.” Sam retorts.

“Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

~Castiel~

Cas watches the door. He watches for Dean. Willing him to come back so he can apologise to him for all the horrible crap he said. He really, really didn’t mean it, and he just wants Dean here, he needs Dean here, but he fears that Dean might not come. And with every second that passes he thinks that might be the reality. The tears have dried on his face now, he’s still just as upset but the tears just don’t come, he doesn’t think they could if he wanted to, he’s too tired out. 

The door swings open and he desperately looks up hoping for Dean, but instead he sees a flop of golden hair and ,a considerably shorter than Dean, Gabriel. 

“Hey bro!” He exclaims cheerily, but Cas cant find the effort to reply. 

Luckily Gabriel keeps talking, “So Bal is coming over today, I said I’d be here you know, in case it got too much. Anna wont talk to me, which I suppose is justifiable but still. You think with something like this happening she would at least consider my apology, but you know Anna, stubborn as hell. You gotta love her.” 

Gabriel keeps talking about the shop, about Sam, about the sickeningly sweet couple that proposed to each other in his coffee shop, about how he wants to propose to Sam but he knows its way to early to rush into things and even though that’s his 'style' as he outs it, he’s going to wait for Sam. 

Cas tunes out after a while and lets the lull of Gabriel's voice calm him into an almost sleep before a knock at the door brings him back to the present. Gabriel smiles at him before moves to open the door. 

“Hey Bal, long time no see.” Gabriel says with a false cautious cheeriness. Castiel looks up but he cant see Balthazar yet as the door is blocking his view. 

“Hi Gabe, you're looking.... short.” Balthazar retorts with none of the coolness Gabriel was expecting. Gabriel laughs and leans forward for what Castiel assumes in a hug but could equally be a playful punch on the shoulder. 

It's like a punch to the gut hearing Balthazar's English accented voice, his eyes tear up as he realised he’s missed him so much, basically his best friend is standing just outside the door and he really doesn't know what to do as tears start to drop from his face.

“So...” Bal says cautiously. 

“Yeah he’s in here, you ready?” Gabriel replies. 

“As ready as you can be I guess.” 

Gabriel steps inside, followed by a hesitant Balthazar. 

“Hey Cassie.” Balthazar says almost cheerily. 

'Don’t call me Cassie... its an awful nickname Bal.' Cas laughs.

“God Cassie, how did you manage to do this to yourself, you were always so cautious and careful and damn, I thought I would be the one laid there not you.” He bites his lip and tears start forming in his eyes. 

“You know what Gabriel, I've really got to go. I need to be in London.” He says sharply. 

“What... why? You just got here?...” Gabriel replies in shock. What just happened? What’s happening. 

“Yeah but I've got to go.” He says looking anywhere but Cas. 

'Bal....what...I need you' Cas chokes out, why? Why does everyone he loves leave him.

“Balth..” Gabriel starts before Balthazar interrupts him. 

“I cant okay.” He shouts harshly. “ I cant. I thought I would be okay you know, I thought I could handle it but I cant. I cant stand to see him like this and I don’t care how weak I might be but I cant stay here.” 

“But Cas needs us.” Gabriel states. 

“He's in a coma for fucks sake Gabriel. He doesn't need any of us.” 

Gabriel is silent for a while before whispering a quiet, “No...he... he needs me.”

“You think this makes up for running away? For leaving him with no big older brother to look out for his except two ass holes who criticised his every move because he wouldn't choose a side. Do you think that this changes anything? Reality check Gabriel it doesn't. He cant even hear you Gabe. Or is that why you're here? Because you know he cant pull you out on your bullshit because he CANT FUCKING HEAR YOU.” Balthazar shouts leaving behind him a devastating silence. 

“Screw you Balthazar.” Gabe says weakly. 

“Yeah, you know I’m right Gabriel. Call me if anything changes.” He says before walking out the door, slamming it with finality. 

Cas doesn't know what to do. He knows that Bal is just upset, anyone would be, he cant blame him for not wanting to stay longer, that’s fine, he’s upset and hurt and wants him to stay desperately, but he understands. What he doesn't get is why he has so horrible to Gabriel. 

'Gabe....' He says weakly knowing that he cant hear him but not caring. 'Gabe it not true okay I need you, I don’t blame you for leaving okay. I love you Gabe... don’t... don’t leave me again okay. Please.' He says in a small voice. 

“Cas.... I... Oh god Cas I'm so sorry. He didn't mean it okay? He was just upset. I know....I know you might not need me Cas, but I need you okay? So I'm gonna be here for you and …..and he’s right. I’m a coward and its easier to talk to you when I know there's no chance of you replying or screaming abuse at me.”

'I wouldn't Gabe. I don’t blame you okay.' 

“So yeah, I'm sorry okay, that I left, that I didn't try and get in contact. And... yeah. I hope you cant hear any of this Cas because that would suck balls for you.”

Cas laughs, 'Yeah, this 'sucks balls' as you say'

“I love you Cas okay? I’m not gonna leave you for a second time, I promise.” 

'Thank you Gabriel, I love you too.' Cas says, and despite all that’s happened over the past two days he feels okay, sure he wants Dean to come back more than anything, and sure he wishes Balthazar would have stayed, and sure he wishes that Gabriel didn't have to go through any of this, but he knows it definitely cant get any worse than this, and Gabriel's here for him so...he doesn't by any means feel good, but he’s okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooooooooooooo this chapter didnt go as i planned at at, it just ran away from it :P i mean i really did plan to make things get better but nope, the story did not like my plan and went off by its self. please tell me what you think, what i can improve, what you'd like to see in future chapters, what you like/dislike. .....*whispers* talk to me.


	14. Back together... But for how long?

Cas wakes feeling sluggish. Not the tired sort of sluggish, but the my senses aren't working and my head is pounding and its taking a while for my eyes to focus sluggish. He looks around and it takes him a few seconds to remember where he is. Oh yup, there's my body he thinks, looking over at his lifeless vessel. 

Sam comes into the room and glances worriedly at the monitor. Before scribbling something down and frowning again. 

'Hey Sam. What’s up?' Cas says, beginning to worry a little.

Sam checks his notes again.

'Sam? What's wrong?' Cas says going to stand up but darkness envelops him and he falls backwards into a unconscious abyss.

When he wakes everything is the same, except that nearly three hours have passed. What? What was that? His head doesn't feel all sluggish anymore, did he get ill? Surely not. He's not been ill once since he woke up in a coma, and why did Sam look worried? Was he..... Was he dying? Oh god. Oh god he can't be dying, he can't leave Dean. Dean promised him, he promised him he would let him die.

He starts to breath shakily. Maybe.... Maybe it was nothing. Maybe he was tired. Maybe....it's nothing.

 It's much easier to let himself believe in Dean, believe because Dean told him he would be okay, he's going to be okay. He needs to trust Dean, because if he listens to himself at the minute he's going to drown in the weight of the situation.

Speaking of Dean, Cas desperately wants him back. Scratch that NEEDS him back. He needs to talk to someone, at the very least to keep his sanity and he needs support. He needs Dean.

The more time that passes the more he looses hope that Dean will come, but lo and behold, his desperate wishes must have been granted as the door creaks slowly open to reveal a very nervous looking Dean.

'Dean!!!' Cas exclaims.

"Hey Cas, um... Do you want me here or?" Dean asks cautiously causing Cas to wince at the memory of their last meeting.

'Yes Dean, I'm so sorry, about everything. I didn't mean what I said at all, I take back every word Dean. I so sorry just.... Please forgive me, I..... I need you Dean.' Cas rambles off quickly before the other man can get up and leave.

Dean lets out a sigh of release and slumps down into the chair. "You don't know how happy you saying that makes me. God I thought I was gonna get here and you were just going to throw me out."

'I would never do that again Dean, I was upset and I should have never have asked you to leave when all I wanted was for you to stay.' Cas says.

"I need you to Cas, more than I think you know. And it's okay, I get it. You're in an impossibly hard situation and you're coping so so well okay. So you don't need to apologize for anything. It's okay." Dean says and Cas' heart just clenches with love for this impossible man. He's just so perfect in every way and Cas just wants to run up to him and hug him and never ever let go.

'Damn it.' Cas almost shouts.

Dean looks up worriedly, "What? What's wrong? Cas?"

'I just really really want to hug you right now.' Cas says sheepishly.

Dean laughs, the real kind of soul warming, joy filling laugh. "I wanna hug you to Cas, no matter how much of a girl that makes me sound." He says. "How about this? Can you feel this or??" He asks cautiously, taking Cas' body's hand into his and rubbing it gently.

Cas looks down at his own hand, surprised to find it tingling with warmth at the sensation of Dean holding his hand. 'Yeah.' Cas chokes out. 'I can feel that. Thank you Dean.'

Dean grins, "Anytime Cas. How did it go with Balthazar?"

'Oh, did Gabriel not tell you? Did he not tell Sam who in turn told you?'

"Um..." Dean said trying to figure work his mind round what Cas just said at super speed. "No?"

'Oh .... Well it didn't go well...' Cas fades off.

"Ah. Look Cas if you don't want to talk about it that's fine." Dean supplied cautiously.

'No it's fine Dean. He came and couldn't handle seeing me like this, so he took his anger out on Gabriel. He was quite unkind and I do hope Gabriel is okay.' Cas said with a frown.

"But are you okay?" Dean asks with a scrutinizing look.

'I think so. I can understand him not wanting to stay. I can't imagine what I would do if it was him lying here instead of me.'

"Yeah.... Were you close?" Dean asks curiously.

'Very, he was my best friend and more like a brother than a cousin. Always snarky and witty, he could always make me laugh.' Cas said smiling at the memory's coming to him. 'He was a little rebellious as well which my father disliked but he was too busy with his work to take any notice really.'

"He sounds like a interesting guy." Dean replied causing Cas to laugh.

'I'm really not sure how you two would get along...'

"Dude, ye of little faith! I'm a magical person to get along with." Dean says with mock hurt, clutching his chest as if wounded.

Cas laughs, 'Of course Dean, I apologize.'

Dean grins wildly and laughs again.

"Man I've missed you so much and it's only been like three days."

'I feel the same Dean. I'm glad you chose to come back.' Cas says voice at it's sincerest.

"Yeah. Me too."

After a few minuets Dean asks, "What did Balthazar say to Gabriel to make you ask if he's okay?"

'He said that Gabriel was only here because he thought this made up for his absence when I was a child. And he was only here because he knew I couldn't reply or tell him to go away or blame him. Which isn't true, I would never say those things.... I just wish Gabriel knew that.'

"Damn..... That's a bit harsh. Well, you can always tell him that yourself when you wake up."

If I wake up, Cas thinks. He hasn't told Dean about the blackout. He doesn't want him to worry after they have just sorted things out between them. He can't risk loosing Dean or making him upset.

Speaking of Gabriel the man suddenly walks into the room.

"Sorry Dean-o, didn't know you were in here, hey Cas." Gabriel says, slightly less cheery that normal.

"It's fine dude, I can go." Dean says, "I'm sure he'd want you here more than me."

'Dean you know that isn't true. I always want you here.' Cas says and he can see the twitch of Deans lips as they hint at a smile.

"No no Dean it's fine honestly, I'll come back later." Gabriel tries but Dean keeps on.

"Gabe I'm leaving okay? Okay. Good." He smirks. "How's the shop going?"

"Great actually! We've nearly got all the stuff sorted so were nearly ready to move into it. Thinking of making a few of my own sweets and chocolates." Gabriel says excitedly.

'He wouldn't have any sweets to sell because he'd eat them before they even got onto the shelf.' Cas says sarcastically making Dean burst out laughing.

"What?" Gabriel asks defensively at the laughter.

"What? Nothing, um" Dean replies, awkwardly clearing his throat. "That's really good Gabe, you should do that. I've really gotta go, bye Cas" he says quickly turning to glare at Cas.

'Bye Dean' Cas says innocently, but with a huge smirk on his face. God he loves that man.

"Hey Kiddo." Gabriel says once Dean has left, plopping himself down on the warm chair Dean just sat in. "Man Dean there is one of a kind I tell you." He laughs. "I think you would really like him."

Cas smiles, 'I really do.'

After about 10 minutes of listening to Gabriel Cas starts to feel dizzy. And then his head starts to hurt, and then the darkness takes him, much faster and much more frighteningly than last time.

When he wakes, Gabriel is no longer here and he notices it's dark out. He curls himself up into a small ball and sniffs as he tries not to cry, eventually he manages to drift off to sleep, but not without the horrific thoughts that he's going to die running through his mind at every second before he drifts off.

~Dean~

Dean left the hospital on a high. He'd dreaded seeing Cas again for the fear of rejection but it had all gone way better than expected. Plus the smug little shit had also made him laugh and look stupid in front of Gabriel. I mean sure Dean had missed him like hell but hearing that voice again made him realize that he really cant live without this man. God knows what Dean is going to do when Cas wakes up, and yes he’s definitely sticking with the WHEN and not IF, because he cant handle the 'if' right now, if ever really. 

He's also going to have a spare room here now that Sam is moving out, which you know, Cas could always have. Depending on his old life. Maybe he won’t want to move in with Dean, maybe he will. Dean would obviously love it if he did, one to get to know the guy even better but more the fact that he thinks, he knows, that he loves this guy so why the hell would he not want him as close to him as possible. 

Sure its all Cas' decision if he wakes up. 

WHEN he wakes up. 

Would Cas like to read? He seems like the person who would like to read. He might have to put a few more shelves up, buy a bookcase maybe. I mean sure he reads, but he’s guessing that Cas is the collecting type of guy with a mini library. It's only then that Dean wonders what Cas does, or did for work? It's not come up once in conversation. Maybe the guy cant remember, I mean he has that weird amnesia thing right? Where he only remembers parts of his past, nothing from the day he went into a coma so maybe he cant remember what Job he was in. 

What if he has to travel away for work, if his work is something that requires him to travel. Would he want to leave. 

Would they become official, him and Cas? God that's a great thought, plus one that may become reality with them being soul mates and all.

He walks over to the CD player and puts on Highway to Hell, submersing himself in the sound of frikin awesome music. Would Cas like this sort of stuff? He smiles to himself at the thought of listening to his music collection with Cas. 

“Dean.” Sam shouts right next to his ear making Dean jump half a foot into the air. 

“Dude, what the hell.” He exclaims at Sam frowns at him. 

“I've shouted you twice, turn this crap down.” 

Dean gasps in horror at Sam, moving to his music and turning down the volume muttering 'he didn't mean it I swear.' 

“Oh my god Dean, its almost as bad as you and the impala.” 

“Shut up Sammy, what ya want.” Dean mutters. 

“Can't I just be here to hang out with you?” 

“Not if you're gonna insult my car and my music!” 

Sam laughs, “Actually, since you've been spending a lot of time with him, I thought i'd let you know that Cas is deteriorating.”

It takes Dean a few minutes to process what was just said to him. It can't be.... he must have misheard.... No..... No he wont....

He stares at Sam before releasing a cracked, “What?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo hope you liked this update, mix of fluff, funny and sadness. Any ideas what might happen to Cas???


	15. All alone once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final few chapters guys ! hope you like

Cas woke up feeling sick for the fourth time since . Like about to throw up sick. He breathes deeply and curls up in a fetal position. He just wants someone to hold him and tell him he's okay. He wants Dean. Sometimes he wakes up okay and doesn't pass out for about an hour, other times it's a matter of seconds before he's out again. Screw it, he's going to be selfish and tell him, he thinks as he descends into darkness again.

~Dean~

"Dean wait, what are you? Dean !" Sam says as Dean frantically searches for his coat and key.

"I've gotta see him Sammy, I've got to see if he's okay, I can't leave him alone." Dean stutters off in a rush, eyes wide and worried.

"Dean, you need to calm. Right now." Sam says sternly making Dean freeze and look at him. "What's gotten into you man? I mean I know you spend a lot of time there but you don't know the guy Dean? He's in a coma, you being there isn't going to make a difference at all? What is it you're not telling me?"

"It's just...." Dean stutters, brain desperately trying to think up an answer to Sam's question without sounding like a total psycho. "I don't know. I've just spent so much time with him, and I just want to he there for him I guess."

Sam frowned at him worriedly, this was his 'I don't believe you' face, so Dean hurried on. "I wouldn't want to die alone, would you?"

Silence falls around him as Dean realises what he's just said. This is it, this is what he's refused to believe all this time. Oh god, he might loose Cas....He might.....Fuck this.

“Of course not.... but Dean... you cant get in anyway, its past visiting hours and I'm not going back just to get you in, go to bed, get some sleep and you can see him tomorrow.” Sam replied still sounding confused but mostly tired. “I haven't even told Gabe yet.... just... just get some rest and go tomorrow.”

“Fine.” Dean said shorty before retreating to his bedroom and collapsing onto his bed. He feels like crap, leaving the person he loves to deal with this alone. Cas should have someone with him, he shouldn't be alone. 

Dean can hardly sleep, he’s too worried about Cas, about whether he will be okay, about whether he's going to die. When sleep finally takes hold its full of nightmares, none he can make out clearly but in each one Cas is calling out desperately to him and he cant answer. 

When he wakes in the morning he throws some cereal in a bowl and eats it as fast as possible, his only thought are on needing to be with Cas right now, he notices that Sam isn't here, he must have gone back to Gabriel's, Dean hopes that Gabriel is taking this better than he is right now cos he’s a frikin mess. 

Driving at law breaking speeds, Dean manages to make it to the hospital in record time and practically runs the rest of the way to Cas' room, bracing himself for the worse.

~Cas~

Cas has been awake for around 10 minutes now, which is quite a good time for him, plus he doesn't feel as though he’s about to black out any time soon but you never know when that might strike. 

He looks up blearily to the sound of the door opening to reveal a very flushed, out of breath, Dean barging through the opening.

"Cas!" He says desperately, moving to sit on the chair and quickly take hold of Cas' hand.

'Dean.... You're here. I'm so glad you're here.' Cas replies.

"Are you okay I mean Sam said...." Dean drifts off, unsure of how to continue.

'Sam said what Dean?' Cas asks cautiously, wanting to know what was wrong with him, wanting to confirm his fears.

"He said that you were deteriorating."

Yup, worst fears confirmed. Great..... Okay...... Right.... Oh god, he's gonna die. 'Dean, I.... I've been blacking out a lot, and feeling, well, extremely unwell. Normally i'll last maybe a few minutes before I black out again, but it can go on for about half an hour before I loose consciousness.' He pauses for a few seconds before his voice breaks, 'I'm.... I'm scared Dean. I don't w-wanna die.'

"Hey, hey Cas. I know it doesn't seem like it at the minute but it's gonna be okay. I'm gonna be here with you every second okay Cas? You won't be alone, we will get through this."

'I just don't believe it any more Dean. How will I be okay when Sam says I'm deteriorating and I'm blacking out and feeling like crap more ever hour. We might as well just face the fact that I'm dying' Cas says, voice breaking into a little choke towards the end and a few tears slip down his cheeks.

"Cas....." Dean says sounding just as broken himself. "Do you need me to do anything Cas..... Do you need me to go?"

'No!' Cas says suddenly desperate and it's all too much. Tears start streaming down his face 'no don't leave me, please don't leave me, I don't want to be alone Dean, please I don't want to go through this alone.'

"It's okay Cas, it's okay. I'll stay here, I'll be with you every damn second okay?" Dean says with a strong finality in his voice that grounds Cas into the present moment.

'Okay.' Cas replies with a little hiccup in between his quiet sobs.

'Will you tell Gabriel I love him and that.... That I don't blame him for anything. I forgive him and.... And I love him.' Cas says shakily.

"Sure I will Cas." Dean says with a pained look.

'And, if it's not too much trouble, tell Balthazar not to blame Gabriel, and that in my absence I hope they become closer.'

"Of course." Dean says quickly brushing away his tears in an attempt to appear strong for Cas, but he can see right through him.

Cas starts to feel dizzy and panics. No, he can't black out again, he has too much to to tell dean.

'Dean. I need to tell you.... I need to...'

"It's okay Cas, take your time, I'm gonna be here, I'm gonna stay here with you, we can go through this together okay."

'I love you Dean okay. I really do. I know that the circumstances are extremely strange and that I've not known you long but I love you. And if circumstances were different I think we would be great together.' He smiles weakly. 'But there not, and I'm going to die. I'm dying. So I'd..... I ..... I want you to be happy, you know, after me. Find someone nice and... Be happy.'

"I don't know if I can Cas. You're my soul mate dude, it doesn't get better than that." Dean says pained.

'Not for long though, I won't be your soul mate for long. Promise me, promise me you will try to find someone.' Cas says desperately sobbing now as he feels another wave of sickness.

"Okay Cas, I promise." Dean says, clearly lying though his teeth but it calms Cas slightly.

'I feel so sick Dean.... I'm gonna.... I'm gonna black out soon... I'm."

Blackness takes him again.

~Dean~

"Cas...?" Dean waits.

"CAS?"........ No response.

His gaze snaps to the monitors and his heart freezes for a second before he sees that Cas is still alive.

Tears start to run down his face, silent tears as he clutches Cas' hand. He tried to stay strong for Cas but fuck. Fuck it all.

Cas is asking him to move on.... To love another, but how can he do that. He hasn't even dated Cas, hasn't even kissed him, held him, even seen his smile, but the connection they have is undeniable. He's never felt anything like this for anyone before, he loves Cas more than he's loves anyone before. He can't just be expected to move on. He wants a life. A life with Cas.

Dean sits by Cas' side, and slowly the tears dry up on his face. It's around midday when Gabriel hesitantly walks in, face scrunched in pain, as if he's expecting to walk in on Cas' dead body, but relaxes slightly when he sees Dean.

"Hey... How is he?" Gabriel asks cautiously.

"He's.... Okay I guess." Dean replies.

"Sam said he was...."

"Deteriorating." Dean supplied.

"Yeah." Gabriel nearly whispered.

Dean nodded slowly.

"Right." Gabriel breathes out shakily. Looking towards his brother with tears beginning to form in his eyes.

"I'm glad you're here with him Dean, are you going to stay?" He asks.

"Yeah I was planning on."

"Right I'm just gonna go, I can't be here." Gabriel mutters.

"What?" Dean asks surprised, wouldn't Gabe want to be here for Cas?

"I can't do it Dean. Call me a coward call me what you want, but I can't sit here and watch my brother die okay!" He shouts. "I understand that I'm just running away like I always fucking do but I can't go through this Dean."

"Gabe, Gabriel, listen. It's fine, I get it, you're not a coward okay." Dean tries to reassure him.

"Right." He says clearly not believing it, "I'm gonna just go." He finishes sliding back out as cautiously as he came in leaving Dean and Castiel alone along.

"Looks like it's just me and you." He says, taking hold of Cas' hand again. 

~Cas~

Cas wakes up when his body violently convulses forward, not his actual body on the bed, but he feels himself jerk awake and he wants to throw up. 

'Dean...' He says trying to get the attention of the man sat opposite him, who is currently staring outside the window at the late evening sky. 

'Dean.' He tries again, still no response. 'DEAN' …... nothing. 

No no no no no no, this cant be happening. Please don’t say that Dean cant hear him, please. Oh god, he cant do this alone, he cant. Tears start streaming down his face again. You would think that with all he’s been crying lately that he'd have no tears left, but they still come.

'Dean, please don’t leave me. Can you hear me? Dean.... DEAN. You said you wouldn't leave me... don’t leave me to do this alone.' He says voice cracked by his sobs. All the while Dean keeps on looking out the window and squeezing Cas' hand occasionally. 

“Dean,” Another voice calls and a part of Castiel recognises it as Sam. “Dean visitors time is over, you have to go.” 

“I can't leave him Sammy.” Dean replies as stubborn as always making Cas smile and choke out a little sob. 

“Dean, you cant stay. I've got the night shift, ill look after him I promise.” Sam says reassuringly. 

“But...”

“Dean you need to go. Go get some sleep.” Sam says sternly.

“Fine.... but is he okay?” 

Sam gives him a long look. “Not really Dean, no.” 

“Right. Right okay. I’m gonna.....bye Cas.” Dean says quickly before glancing at Cas painfully and leaving him. Leaving him alone. 

Sam frowns and looks at his notes, pain clear in his features. He places a hand on Cas' arm reassuringly before heading out himself.

The full extent of the situation crashes into him like a tsunami. He's going to die, probably tonight, and he’s going to die alone. He didn't even get chance to say bye to Dean because Dean couldn't even hear him. He's going to die alone...... alone. He wonders if Gabriel came to see him, if he missed him while he was unconscious. He didn't even get to say goodbye to Gabriel. 

He feels himself start to drift off again a few hours later, but this time feels different. It feels final. Pain sweeps through him as he looses consciousness again, but this time he knows he probably wont wake up. Two bright green gorgeous eyes fill his head as he finally gives in to the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so.......yeah :D im sorry :P hope you liked :) comment ??


	16. The Awakening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry its taken so long ! combination of the fact i have a ton of essays and it was sooooo hard to write this chapter. Hope you like. Thank you to my fabulous friend who checked out my grammar and stuffs ;)

Dean sleeps fitfully, but in the end he does manage to sleep. It's the waking up part that's the problem, he looks over blearily to the clock to see it's nearly half eleven and the phone is blaring in his ears. As he stumbles over to the phone his mind is swamped with thoughts of Cas. Shit! He's meant to be with Cas. He said he'd be with Cas.

He reaches down to pick up the phone but feels a sudden sense of dread. Who ever calls him but Sam? And Sam would only be calling for one reason.

He slowly picks up the phone with a hesitant, "hello?"

"Hey Dean it's Sam."

"Hey Sammy." Dean replies weakly.

"Soooo I just wanted to tell you that by some utter miracle... Castiel woke up. Late last night, early morning. Like, one minute he was deteriorating and the next he's here, awake and totally fine. So strange." He mutters the last bit to himself as if lost in his own fascination.

Dean doesn't reply. He can't seem to form words or even process what he's just been told. Cas is alive. Cas is awake.

"Dean are you there? You can come down and see him if you want? Gabriel's been down this morning but he's got the shop to run and couldn't get anyone in so he's gone to sort someone to cover?"

"Yeah... I'll come over." Dean replies distantly before putting the phone down and standing, looking forward into nothing as he tries to comprehend everything Sam just said.

It wasn't all but 12 hours ago that Dean had prepared himself for Cas' death. He'd convinced himself that it was inevitable and now... now Cas is awake and not dying.

This is great, this is more than great. This is fucking amazing! It's everything he could have dreamed for. So why does he feel so hesitant?

Now Cas is awake will he want him there? He's got Gabriel and his family back and... Dean shakes his head. He can't think like that, this is what they have both been waiting for, for him to wake up and be okay. Now that's reality and not just a dream so he's gotta man up and get his ass down to the hospital.

He starts up the impala in a haze, comprehension, happiness and fear all exploding through him as he begins the journey to the hospital.

~Cas~

Cas opened his eyes to the crisp white ceiling of the hospital and breathes out a shaky breath. He's alive. He's FRICKIN alive.

His face breaks out into a grin as he laughs, tears forming in his eyes. He thought he was dying, dead even, but he's not. Thank god he's not.

It's only then that he realises he's not sat on the floor, or sat in a chair, but on a rather comfortable bed. Wait... what?

He looks around in confusion, why is he...? Oh god... oh please please say…

He's in his body.

He's back in his body.

He raises his shaking hands to his face and cries little sobs of joy. He can't believe it, holy fuck he's alive and back in his body. He's going to be okay, everything will be okay. Dean was right. Dean...

Will Dean come and see him? Does anyone know he's awake? Where's Sam? Will Gabriel come back? He knows Anna won't because she left but hopefully Gabriel will come.

Questions whiz around his head but honestly, he doesn't care one bit about them being answered, because he's alive, he's going to have a life, and he's not going to die.

The door inches open and he can see the back of Sam's body as he holds the door open and laughs to another doctor, before turning around and stopping in his tracks.

"Castiel? What... how long have you?" Sam stutters, expecting to find the comatose patient in further states of deterioration.

"Um... hello." Cas says uneasily, voice croaky from lack of use and his throat as raw as hell.

Sam seems to snap out of his shock and moves hastily to get Castiel a glass of water, which Cas thanks him for and gulps down fast.

"How long have you been awake?" Sam asks.

"Not long, 5 or 10 minutes at most." Cas replies with a slightly more normal, but still deeper than he remembers, voice.

"Right. Well I'm really glad your awake Cas, really I am. I thought for sure we would lose you." Sam says making Cas smile shakily.

"I'm glad to be back."

"We just need to do some tests, ask a few questions, that sort of stuff. Are you okay to do it now?"

"Yes Sam." Cas replies, still getting use to the fact that Sam can hear what he's saying.

"Great, so I'm gonna go get some other people and I'll be right back. Would you like me to call anyone? We have your brother Gabriel that has been to visit a lot, or anyone else you would like to contact."

"Can you call Gabriel please?" Cas asks, he wants to ask about Dean as well but that would sound weird as hell, so he has to hope that Dean will come eventually.

Sam and another doctor come back, they do tests, take blood, ask him questions, all the normal sort of stuff. He doesn't really take much notice of them, too caught up in the fact he's awake after months of being in a coma.

They ask him about his life before, but Cas can't really remember, he remembers his childhood, going to college and all that but he can't remember what he was doing in the year before he went into the coma. It's strange, but Sam assures him that him memorys stand a good chance of coming back so that's okay he supposes.

Sam pops his head around the door, "Hey Castiel, your brother should be here soon okay?"

"Yes, thank you Sam." Cas replies.

He's nervous to see Gabriel again to be honest, he has so much to say and no clue where to start with it all. Does he tell Gabriel he's heard everything he's said while he was here? Does he pretend he's not heard anything? It's so confusing. He wants Dean. He wants Dean here to tell him what to do, to help him, to be here for him.

Does Dean know he's awake? Has anyone told him? Will Sam or Gabriel tell him? He hopes they will, but if they have then does Dean not want to see him? Is he nervous to see Cas? Cas is nervous to see him but he doesn't care, he just wants to see him no matter what.

He's so lost in his thoughts he hardly notices when Gabriel slips in the room, face confident but you could tell he was anything but.

"Hey lil bro." Gabriel said cautiously, as if expecting to be sent away when really Cas wants the exact opposite

"Gabriel." Cas says, not knowing what on earth to say, but wanting to say so much.

"Oh my god Cassie, you're okay, you're alive, you're..." Gabriel says swiftly making his way towards Cas and pulling him into a hug.

They stay tangled together for a few minutes, Cas taking comfort in his big brother after so long of not being able to acknowledge him, and Gabriel trying to not cry.

It's few more minutes more before Cas whispers "Don’t call me Cassie." Causing Gabriel to choke out a laugh and pull him even closer, tears escaping his eyes now.

After a few more minutes pass Gabriel leans back into his chair, looking a little bit nervous, as if Cas wouldn't want him here.

"So how are you feeling kiddo?" He asks.

"Okay, surprisingly okay. I feel a little weak and dizzy still, but I'm feeling great really, I mean, I'm alive." Cas says, utter relief in finally being able to talk to his brother again.

"You don't know how happy I am to hear that Cas, I couldn't... I didn't..." Gabriel breaks up mid sentence. "I don't think I could have lived with myself if you had not woken up. I need to... I need to tell you that I'm sorry and..."

"Gabe." Cas stays stopping his frantic babbling. "Gabe it's fine, I don't blame you okay? I never have. Okay you left, and it was hard, but I don't blame you at all. I would have felt more guilt if you would have stayed and been unhappy. I'm glad you left if it made you happy. You were happy right?" Cas says with no room for debate.

"I... Jeez kiddo, yeah I was happier, a lot lot happier, but I also felt like crap leaving you. What kind of brother leaves his younger brother in a house full of psychopaths and doesn't see him again until he's nearly dying and in a coma. I wanted so badly to go back. Those first few weeks that I left, I stayed close. I wanted more than anything to come back, but I was too scared. I couldn't deal with Michael and Luci and selfishly left you to deal with it instead. I wanted to see you again you know, find you now that we were older, but I guess Balthazar was right, I'm just a coward. I couldn't take you hating me so it seemed the best thing to stay away. I know this is no excuse, none at all, but I just thought you should know." Gabriel said, he looked as if he was about to run again, to head out the door and never look back in fear of Castiel's reaction.

"Gabe, I understand why you left. At one point I was upset, and then I was angry and then I understood why. And anyway it's all in the past, Bal shouldn't have said what he did, because I want you here Gabe, I want to thank you for being here for me. I know it must have been hard but I hope that now, maybe we can be like proper brothers again. I feel so lost Gabriel and I don't know what to do and if it's not to much to ask... I want to ask for your help."

"Of course lil' bro, I'll always be here for you, I can't make up for the years that I wasn't there but I can damn well try. We will get this all sorted out, don’t worry."

"Thank you Gabriel." Cas says sincerely, maybe it won't be too hard to get back on his feet, with Gabriel's help and Dean... well, maybe Dean.

Gabriel frowns down at Cas, "Wait... how did you know what Balthazar had said? Could you... could you hear everything?"

Crap. He wasn't planning on telling Gabriel or Sam or anyone that he's heard all they have been saying, it would have made things much simpler, so, so much simpler. Damn it Cas, why can't you keep your mouth shut.

"I could hear bits and pieces but not everything." Cas lies cautiously.

"Oh god Cassie, you didn't hear me... you didn't hear me shout at you, crap crap crap I didn't mean any of that, I was upset, I..." Gabriel stutters, horror falling upon his features.

"Hey it's fine. You were upset and that's understandable. I should really be thanking you, for coming back and staying with me. It really helped Gabe, thank you." Cas says, desperately wanting Gabriel not to be upset or add on any more guilt.

"It's the least I could do Cas. So you heard dean right? He came quite a bit to read to you and stuff, has he been yet?" Gabriel asked trying to steer away the conversation as nothing Cas was saying was making him feel any less guilty.

"He's not been yet, I recall hearing him read to me though." Cas says briefly but with a small smile on his face that he's sure Gabriel catches.

"He's a really great guy. He's Sam's brother, Sam's your doctor and also my boyfriend, small world eh?" Cas snorts, "Yeah but Deans cool, I think you will get on," he says with a small smirk. "Don't tell him I said that though, dude's got enough ego as it is. And even though he may say he dislikes me, he loves me really. I mean who doesn't love this." He says gesturing to himself and winking.

Cas laughs, "He sounds nice. I would like to meet him, and Sam too, you know, out of the doctor patient situation."

"Yeah, Sam is great. Like I can't even begin to describe how amazing he is, he's just wow." Gabriel says gazing off in a haze.

"I'm really glad you're happy Gabe. I'm glad you found someone that makes you happy." Cas says smiling, thinking of Dean.

"Yeah, thanks. Well whilst you were..." He gestures exaggeratedly at the bed.

"In a coma?" Cas replies, with a smirk in his voice.

Gabe frowns and almost pouts, "Yeah. Anyway, I bought the shop next to my coffee shop, and it's gonna be a sweet shop and I have an meeting with the contractors in half an hour so I'm just gonna nip outside and cancel that and then..." Gabe starts but Cas interrupts him.

"No, I'm fine here Gabe, I'm not going anywhere. You should go to your meeting and maybe come back after?" He asks hopefully.

"I can always cancel and rearrange you know? And of course I'll come back."

"Go it's fine, I'll get some rest. Although rest is the last thing I want to be doing right now my body seems to need it." Cas frowns making Gabriel laugh.

"Get some rest, it'll help you recover quicker. See you later Cassie." Gabriel says swinging out the door only just catching Castiel's shout of 'Don't call me Cassie!'

Cas smiles to himself as Gabriel leaves. He can't even find the words to describe how utterly amazing it is to have a conversation and be heard, to be in his own body, to be able to tell Gabriel all the things he's wanted to. It's a huge relief and well it's the most amazing he's felt in a long time.

However he can't help but wonder if Dean isn't going to come? Surely Sam has told him by now, so does he not want to see Cas? Does he not want to crowd him? Does he think it will be too much? Does he not want to visit now he’s awake. Is he scared? Nervous? Well so is Cas but he still wants Dean here! I mean they’re soul mates aren't they? Shouldn’t Dean be here for him when he most needs him. Sure, they don’t really know each other properly, for one they haven’t even had a conversation where Cas has been awake. But surely Dean wants to get to know him? He promised him that they would do things together, visit places, watch films. Was none of that real for Dean Because Cas clung to it for his life. Was it all in his head? No… no it can’t be, because he heard Gabriel and Balthazar.

Maybe Dean is busy. Maybe he wants to come but is unable to? What if he’s been called into work? What if Sam hasn’t even told Dean? He wants to believe one of these reasons but its much easier to fall into the depressing thought that he’s being abandoned yet again.

Only time will tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooooo Cas is awake ;)


	17. And so they meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guuuuuys so I wanna say thank you so much for sticking with this story, hope you like :D thank you to my AMAZING friend who now checks all of my spelling and grammar and shiz

Dean has to swerve to miss an oncoming car on his way to the hospital, his mind so distracted he can hardly think. His palms are already sweating and keep slipping off the steering wheel. It makes no sense for him to be this nervous, but he is. He's finally seeing Cas, finally, after thinking he was going to lose him and he's not sure how to take it yet. Sure he's pretty fucking ecstatic, but how will Cas react when he sees him? Will he be happy? Will he smile but not really want Dean there? Surely the first because they are, you know, soul mates.

He pulls up into the hospital car park and sits, frozen in his seat. Come on Dean, man up, he thinks to himself, but still can’t find the courage to open the door. He checks the time, its nearly 12pm. Cas has been up for almost half a day, plus he's alone as Sam said Gabriel had left. What if he needed someone? What if he’s scared? What if he wants Dean to be there with him?

That thought alone is enough for Dean to get up and move, and before he knows it he’s stumbling down the stark white corridor, past row upon row of white doors.He comes to a halt outside one small door. It's the same as any other door along the corridor, but at the same time it's the most important door he feels he's ever stood in front of.

He can’t seem to move; to breathe as he wills himself to go inside, to open the door he’s opened so many times before. But this time is so much more different. He just needs to go inside. Just open the door and step inside and... before he knows it, the door is open and he's inside. Two eyes meet his. Two blue eyes. Two of the most beautiful blue eyes he's ever seen. Like copper sulphate crystals reflecting an ocean of rippling water, and Dean’s heart nearly stops.

All he can see is his eyes, finally after all this time, he’s seeing Cas’s eyes. He’s seeing Cas awake. Bloody hell this is Cas, and he’s awake and…

“Dean!” Cas exclaims, voice rough and deep from being unused and dean thinks it might simultaneously be the hottest, cutest, sexiest thing he’s ever heard.

“Cas,” he replies softly, all worries gone from his head and before he knows it he’s gathering Cas up in his arms and hugging him like his life depends on it.

Castiel buries his head into Dean’s shoulder, sighing in relief and wraps his hands around Dean like an octopus, trying to snuggle as close as possible to him. They stay like this for a few minutes, wrapped up in each others embrace before Dean mutters a small, “Hello.”

Cas snorts into his shoulder, pulling away slightly to look up at Dean with his impossible blue eyes.

“Hello Dean.” He replies, seeming at loss with what to say too. Dean thinks he’s going to die right here right now at the sound of Cas’ voice saying his name whilst he looks up at him. It makes him want to pull the man into another death gripping hug and never ever let him go.

Eventually though they do pull away from each other and Dean moves to sit on the chair, missing how perfectly Cas’ body fit against his already. He’s perfect in every way possible and Dean can’t help but stare at him. Its a pretty surreal moment after talking to the guy for months and feeling like he knows him, but at the same time he feels like he has no clue who the man sat in front of him is, and he can’t think of one single word to say.

He manages a, “How you feeling?” at the same time Cas says, “I’m glad you came.” and Dean laughs.

“Well this is a little awkward.” He says, the worries and self doubt about Cas wanting him creeping back more and more every second, his brain ignoring the fact they had just hugged for well over the normal ‘hug time’.

Cas suddenly looks worried and sad and disappointed all at once. “If... I'm sorry Dean, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“No. No Cas I didn't mean it like that,” Dean says desperately, dropping his head into his hands, for god's sake why does he always ruin things with his stupid little comments. “You don't make me uncomfortable man, I just…. we’ve waited so long for you to wake up, and I’m so fucking happy you have, I can’t even tell you how happy I am. I feel like I know you, but also that I don't know you and… I'm sorry. I don't know what to say and how to act and… this really isn't going the way I wanted it to.”

Cas laughs, and dude, that is totally like the manliest giggle he’s ever heard, like it would totally be a giggle if his voice wasn’t so god damn deep.

“I feel the same Dean. I know this situation is strange, and to be honest I'm not sure quite what to feel either, but I know that I’m really glad you are here. I've been wanting to see you since I woke up and I feel… safe with you here and…" Cas fades off, nervously playing with the bed sheet with both hands. Dean nearly topples over with relief, it's okay Cas wants him here. Cas wants him.

“I would have come earlier, trust me Cas, if I'd have known you were awake I would have come straight down. Sam only told me just before I headed down here and I nearly crashed baby getting to you.” Dean splutters out and Cas looks up at him, relief clear in his own eyes, a small smile on his face.

“'67 Chevy Impala?” He questions and Dean grins wildly.

“The one and only… how are you feeling Cas? You were pretty bad when I left yesterday?” Dean asks, realising he hasn’t even asked Cas how he’s doing, which should have been his first concern. Damn it Winchester.

“I'm okay. I really am okay Dean.” He says, surprise clear in his voice. “I mean, I was dying, I was sure I was dying. And now I’m not and I’m awake, and you’re here and Gabriel is here and I can talk to people and they can reply Dean, you don’t know how happy it makes me that people can hear me.” Cas says and Dean grabs his hand as he begins to cry. “I'm just so happy Dean. I thought I was going to die... I…”

“Hey, hey Cas it's okay. You’re okay. Shhh.” Dean says closing the space between them and enveloping Cas into another hug as the man cries into his chest. “I’ve got you Cas. I’ve got you.” Cas’ hands grip Deans shirt tightly.

“C… can we... we do... it all? E… everything you promised… said we were goi... going to do when I... when I woke up?” Cas stutters into Dean’s chest, and Dean hugs him closer at hearing the words.

“Of course Cas, we will do everything okay, it really is all okay now. We can go to the art galleries and exhibits I talked about, we can marathon Star Wars, we can go to that new little corner shop and test to see if the ice cream is any better there than the other shop that does ice cream across town. We can see how good Gabriel’s sweets really are. We can go driving in the Impala for miles while I educate you on the badass music of this world like AC DC and Kansas and all of the classic rock greats. We can do whatever you want Cas, I’ll do whatever you want me to.” Dean rambles off as he rests his head on top of Cas’.

Castiel snuggles closer to Dean with a little sob and a huge smile. “Yes, yes, yes.” He repeats in a flash before slowly whispering “Never leave me Dean.” So quietly Dean nearly doesn’t catch him.

“I promise Cas, I’ll be here for as long as you want me to be.” Dean says, fully meaning every word he’s saying.

Cas backs away, rubbing the tears from his face with the most adorable little smile on his face and Dean wants to cry as well, not knowing how in the word he has managed to find someone so utterly perfect.

“You're gorgeous.” Dean blurts out, kicking himself for how unromantic he sounds.

Cas blushes and ducks his head, “Not so bad yourself there Winchester.” He moves and grabs deans hand in his. “You don't know how how utterly overjoyed it makes me to be able to touch you Dean.” Cas says so sincerely that it makes Dean snort with laughter. He really tried not to, he really did, but the immature side of him just slips through and the next thing he knows he’s being swatted by Cas lightly on his arm.

“Dean you ass. You know what I mean.”

Dean snorts again, “Wanna touch me, eh Cas?.”

“Deeeeeeean.” Cas whines, making Dean laugh even more and Cas moves to bury his head in the pillows. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Dean says after he stops laughing. "No, I get you, with just being able to hear your voice all this time, it's amazing to see you and your eyes.” Dean says awkwardly.

Cas grins, “My eyes?”

“Um… yeah.”

Cas grins even wider, a slightly teasing tone. “What about my eyes Dean?”

“They're gorgeous,” Dean mumbles.

“What was that Dean?” Cas says teasingly. Dean glares at him.

“I think your eyes are gorgeous dammit.” Dean says grumpily and Cas laughs. Dean thinks it might just be the greatest sound he’s ever heard.

“Thank you Dean. I like your freckles.” Cas says and Jesus christ Dean knows a chick flick moment when he sees one but he can’t say anything because Cas is smiling at him like he’s just made his day and he can’t bare to say anything to take that smile off. Even if it means having the cheesiest conversation he has ever had in his life.

~Cas~ 

Cas feels like he’s floating in a river of gold. Dean came, Dean came and wants to be here with Cas and he’s not going to be alone. He couldn’t believe it when Dean walked through the door. Like all his hopes had finally become reality, he felt safe, secure, like he belonged. He can't explain the feeling, or why he feels this way when Dean’s here but he sure as hell doesn't want to go a second without it. Sure the beginning was a little awkward, and then he cried embarrassingly into Dean’s shoulder which was… well… embarrassing.

But then Dean hugged him. Again and again and Cas wants to cry all over again at getting to hold Dean, to be held by him, finally after all these months to get the physical contact he so badly wanted makes him want to hold Dean and never let go.

Then there’s the way Dean looks at him, talks to him, like he means the world to Cas and it's almost too much.

Then Dean talked about his eyes and oh god, he wants to grab Dean and never let him go ever. He’s the most perfect man Cas has ever known and now he’s here and Cas is awake, and they can go visit galleries and eat ice cream and listen to music while Dean drives and it all makes Cas want to weep with joy. He can't believe this is his life now, that Dean is here with him, and hopefully with him for a long time.

However they are interrupted, just as Cas is about to tell Dean he also finds his eyes attractive, by Gabriel, back from his meeting. He only has time to glance at the clock and wonder just how much time he and Dean spent hugging before Gabriel's in the room and speaking to them.

“Hey, guys! How you feeling Cas? I see you met Dean.” Gabriel says moving to stand next to Dean.

“I’m feeling amazing Gabe. And yes, I have.” Cas answers with a small smile at Dean.

“That's great lil bro! So I was talking to Sam and he says everything's fine and you can be released today. You’re a miracle case Cassie, recovered so fast doctors don't know what to think, of course they wanted to keep you in another day but I managed to persuade a certain doctor.” He winks and waggles his eyebrows.

“Gaaaaabe.” Both Cas and Dean say at the same time, making Gabe grin manically.

“So Cassie…”

“Gabe.” Cas interrupts sternly.

“Fiiiiiiiiiine, Castiel. Sam says he can move out for a while that way you can bunk with me until you get back on your feet okay?” Gabe asks.

“Or you could stay with me?” Dean asks.

“Yes,” Castiel replies instantly before they both seem to realise that Gabriel is in the room and looking at Cas like he’s grown a third head.

“I mean the apartment is free and there's a spare room and we just moved Sams stuff out.” Dean says quickly trying to justify himself.

“And I wouldn't want Sam to have to move out and cause all this hassle, it would be easier for me to stay with Dean.” Cas adds, in an attempt to make this sound less strange.

“Ooooooooookaaaaaaaay.” Gabriel says, not buying a word of what they are saying. “Are you sure you’re both okay with this?”

“Yes.” He and Dean answer in unison, smiling at each other once again.

Gabe looks at them both suspiciously. “Right, I’m gonna go tell Sam about the new developments, and leave you to… whatever you were talking about.” He says waving his hands between them before turning and leaving them alone once again.

It takes Cas a few seconds before it really kicks in how perfect his life is right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So they met ! What did you think? pwease tell me :P also anything you wanna see in future chapters?


	18. And then theres the brothers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait ! hope you like :D thanks for sticking with the story :D

Dean reluctantly leaves Cas' room, in search of his brother. As much as he wants to stay with Cas for every second he can, he needs to talk to Sam and get the spare room sorted out ready for Cas to come over later.

He can't get over how perfect and amazing it feels to be with Cas, to talk to him and hug him, and just be near the man. He also can't believe he offered for Cas to stay with him. I mean surely the guy would want to stay with his brother but then, by some utter miracle, Cas said yes. Cas wants to stay with him, and he can't even begin to describe how ecstatic he feels about that. It's the first time in a long time that he truly feels happy.

Of course Sam has to bump into him and pull him to one side as he's about to make his way home, sure he wanted to talk to Sam but not now!

"Dean, can I talk to you a second?" He asks.

No, Dean thinks but answers with a reluctant "Yeah sure. What's up?"

"So Gabe told me Cas is staying with you?" He asks, voice showing his confusion.

"Yeah." Dean replies.

"Dean... what the hell?" Sam exclaims.

"What Sam?" Dean snaps back. Defensive because he has no idea at all how to deal with this conversation as he has no answer to give Sam that doesn't make him or Cas look bat shit crazy.

"Well, how about we start with what the hell Dean? Why is Cas staying with you instead of his brother? You've only known each other like, a few hours! I just, I don't understand." Sam says.

Jeez Dean thinks, way to get all touchy when it's not even affecting him. I mean the dude gets to stay bunked with his boyfriend, he's failing to see the problem here.

"Well, um..." Sam looks at him expectantly. God sake Dean make something up. "The dude could hear me talk sometimes okay, he practically knows all about me." Shit shit shit Dean not that!

"Really? I mean I've heard of that, but he didn't say anything... that still doesn't explain why he's moving in with you Dean?"

“Um, well, I kinda like him Sam.” Dean states, before kicking himself, crap Dean you’re just making this sound worse.

Sam shakes his head with disbelief all over his face. “Dean what? You met him a few hours ago! I won’t have let him move in with him just because you want to sleep with him Dean.”

“I don’t… I don’t want to sleep with him Sam! I just...” He trails off.

“Just what Dean!? I can’t believe you…”

“Sam.” Dean interupts, “You know when you see someone and you instantly know you want to be with them. It’s like that. I mean the guy is just so… we just...we click?” He tries and fails to explain it. “I mean if the guy wants to stay with Gabriel, then sure. I just want him to be happy, but he sounded like he wanted to stay Sam. I want to get to know him better. And it will be much easier to save moving all your stuff and… please say you’re getting me here?”

“I… I guess. I get where you’re coming from Dean, but I guess I’m just finding it all a bit weird.” Sam says, and it’s evident he doesn't understand one bit.

“Tell me about it. I’m gonna go get the room ready, okay?” Dean says wanting to get the hell away from this conversation.

“Right... okay.” Sam says, but Dean’s already halfway out the door.

He really, really needs to come up with a story with Cas that's at least slightly believable to their brothers. He also needs to get the spare room ready before Cas comes out later.

Truth be told, he's a bit nervous. What if Cas doesn't like it? What if he doesn't really like Dean when he actually spends time with him? I mean, sure he seems to like him enough now, but everyone leaves him eventually. Its only a matter of time before he leaves.

Its all moving really fast, I mean sure he feels like he knows the guy but hes only really met him for an hour, and now they're moving in together. Surely when Cas is back up on his feet he will leave.

Well, Dean thinks, he might as well make the most of it before Cas does leave.

~Cas~

Dean leaves a little while later to get everything ready and Cas misses him the second he steps out the door. It just feels... right when Dean’s around. And honestly, he can’t wait to move in with Dean.

Sure he’s a little nervous, what if Dean decided he doesn't want him around? What if Cas isn't what Dean expected? Well they have moved things along pretty quickly. Maybe it would have been best for him to stay with Gabriel.

He drops his head into his hands. This is something he really really really doesn’t want to screw up. He wants to be close to Dean, be with him more than anything. So that's why he's going to stay with him. And if it doesn't work   
out... well it just doesn't work out.

The door opens and Gabriel pops his head around the door, lollipop in his mouth and a horrendously evil smirk on his face.

"Hey Cassie." He says sliding into the room. "So I think someone has a little crush, don't we?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Castiel states.

"Oh, I'm sure you do Cassie. I don't think you even got a breath in before saying yes to his offer to stay at his place."

Cas blushes a deep red and Gabriel cackles with laughter.

"Shut up." He mumbles.

"Dude, what happened to bros before hoes! I mean you move pretty fast don't you Cassie. Know him for an hour and already willing to move in." Gabriel continues to tease.

"I'm glad you are finding this so amusing Gabriel."

"Oh I am don't worry. But in all seriousness, what's with moving in with him? I mean sure Sam gets to stay with me and that's great, but you're my lil' bro and you know he wouldn't mind moving out for a while at all. Is it... is it because I left?" He says, his teasing demeanour suddenly gone.

"No Gabe, not at all. It's just..." He tries to find the right words, "On one hand it will be much simpler and save everyone moving about. But more than that, Dean came a lot while I was in the coma and sometimes I could hear him, I guess I'm trying to say he’s not like a stranger to me, I don’t feel like I just met him a few hours ago. He makes me feel safe and I guess… well, I guess I like him.”

Gabriel waits a few minutes before exclaiming, “So you do have a crush?”

Cas groans, “I love how that is all you got from my answer.”

“Awwww Cassie I think its sooooo cute.”

“Gabriel, can you be serious about anything?” Cas sighs.

“I think he likes you back you know.” Gabriel continues, smiling gleefully. “I mean he did offer for you to stay at his, and dude, the way he looked at you.”

Cas doesn't think he can physically blush any more, he feels like his face is on fire.

“You think so?” He asks tentatively.

“Aha, I knew it! Cassie has a crush.” Gabriel nearly shouts and Cas wants to kick himself for thinking that Gabriel might take this even the slightest bit seriously.

“But,” He continues, “If you’re happy moving in with him, and he makes you feel safe then I’m happy. Okay?” Gabriel says, still not fully understanding his little brother but then again, he never really has, he’s just learnt to take things as they go.

“Okay, thank you Gabriel.” Cas smiles.

"I know I've said this... but I really am extremely grateful that you're here Gabe. I just... thank you."

He smiles warmly, "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Anyways, you woke up at a prime time little brother! Now you can help me with my shop!" Gabe said excitedly.

"Yes, I suppose I will have to find employment... I don't remember what my last job was..." Cas replied in an extremely serious matter.

"Umm... well, we can work this out, we can find out what you did and try and see other jobs. You can always work in my shop in the mean time, everything will be okay Cassie, I promise."

"Thank you Gabriel. Really, thank you." He replies, overlooking the fact he was called 'Cassie' yet again.

They continue to talk for about two hours, Gabe talking about everything from his various jobs, to his new shop, to how he met Sam, and Castiel talking about things he'd like to do now he's awake and laughing and commenting on Gabriel's various crazy stories.

It comes as a surprise to both of them when Dean comes into the room. Grinning wildly at the scene he's greeted with.

"Hey guys, you having fun?"

"Yeah, telling little Cassie here about my wild and adventurous life. You know how it is being this fabulous." Gabriel replies making Cas and Dean both snort with laughter.

"Yeah, okay wild guy. Well I spoke to Sam on the way here, he's really busy so he can't get over here but he's a-okayed you to go out." Dean says and Cas finds his cheeks are starting to ache from smiling so much.

"Awesome. Well, do you need me to come over? If not I'm gonna head back and lock up the shop, see if it hasn't been destroyed my my minions. Well employees." Gabriel says looking expectantly at Cas.

"I think I'm good. Thank you for everything... you can go take care of your... minions." Cas says, still smiling.

"Cool cool, well I'm gonna get you a cell phone and I'll come over tomorrow."

"Gabe I don't... you don't have to do that for me."

"Oh shush, it's not like I'm gonna spend much on you. See ya guys." He says before practically running out the door before Cas can object to him buying him a phone.

Dean laughs slightly at Gabe's flash exit, before looking over to Cas with a nervous but slightly hopeful expression.

"Are you um... ready to go?" Dean asks cautiously.

Cas smiles wildly at him and moves to get out of the bed before he realises he's still in the hospital gown.

"Um... I haven't got any clothes." He says awkwardly and embarrassed.

"Oh, I thought you might not have any so I brought some of mine, I mean I hope you don't mind, I should have assumed..." Dean starts babbling but Cas cuts him off.

"Dean, it's fine. Thank you, really, thanks." Cas says.

"Yeah, sure. Okay, so here you go. Oh and Sam gave me your trench coat, it was the only thing they could save." Dean says passing him a pile of clothing.

"I'll just turn around, or do you want me out or...?" Dean stutters and blushes, which Cas thinks is utterly adorable.

"You can just turn around, thank you." Cas says blushing himself now.

Dean turns and Cas changes as quickly as he can, trying not to fall over and make a fool out of himself as he tries to quickly shove his legs in the jeans.

"Okay." Cas says breathlessly and Dean turns back towards him to see him putting on the trench coat and no one should be that hot putting ON clothes !

"Ready to go home? I mean um... Back to the um...apartment. You know... um." Dean splutters.

"Of course Dean. I really can't thank you enough. You don't know how happy I am to finally be leaving this room, this hospital... with you." Cas says, blushing slightly, looking up to see Dean also blushing but grinning at him like he means the world to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FLUFF AND FLUFF AND MORE FLUFF ;)


	19. Well this is awkwardly brilliant.

The ride back was spent in a comfortable silence, neither speaking much but both extremely happy to be in each others presence.

Dean's the first one to speak as they pull up to the apartment.

"Yeah so, this is where I live, I've sorted out the spare room and tidied around a bit so I hope it's not too messy for you." He says with a smirk.

"I'm sure it will be fine Dean. Thank you, for, you know... everything."

"It's fine Cas." Dean says, a smile on his face, hoping Cas isn't disappointed with the apartment.

He'd spent ages frantically tidying the living areas, the spare room had been pretty clean and tidy so that didn't take too long, but the rest of the apartment was a bit of a mess... well a lot of a mess since Sam had moved out.

It's not like it's normally this bad, he thinks, it's just because with all the shit happening lately he's not gotten round to it... yeah he'll roll with that.

“So… um this is it.” Dean says as he opens the door to his apartment and flails his arms slightly.

Cas smiles at him and moves to take his shoes off so Dean takes the first impression as a success.

“Right, so I guess I should give you the tour?” Dean asks and Cas nods encouragingly. “Right okay, so this is the living room bit with a TV and couch and stuff.”

“I can see that Dean.” Cas replies, laughing slightly at Dean’s awkward flustering.

“Oh... um… yeah, I don’t…” Dean starts babbling. Damn it, he can’t do this. Why is he so nervous?

“Dean.” Cas says stilling Dean. “Its fine, okay? You don’t need to be nervous, you don’t realise how happy I am, to be awake and with you. You don't need to worry about impressing me because I’m so happy right now Dean. Thank you.” Cas says causing Dean to blush slightly.

“I’m really happy you’re here too.” Dean grumbles.

“Good.” Cas says, grabbing a hold of Dean’s hand before saying, “Show me my room?”

“Um...yeah... sure.” Dean says, stumbling over his words and his feet at the feel of Cas’ hand pressed into his. Damn, he should have wiped them on his jeans, they're all sweaty and, oh god, oh god. Cas is holding his hand. He’s holding Cas’ hand. This is happening. Okay calm, deep breaths, this is  
happening.

They stop in front of his door and Dean grins, feeling like a school kid with a crush all over again.

“Okay so this is your room,” He says opening the door. “And this is mine over here, and this is the bathroom. Oh and I’ll show you the kitchen later.”

“Okay... I think I’ve got that.” Cas says, biting his lip slightly which Dean finds extremely cute, sexy and adorable all at the same time.

“Okay so um… do you want to maybe order in a Chinese or something? Watch a film or…? What do you wanna do?” Dean asks. He literally has no idea at all what he’s meant to be doing right now or what the right thing is to do in this situation.

“I’d love to Dean. I think I may have a quick shower first while you order?” Cas asks.

“Sure, what do you want?”

“I’ll just have a bit of whatever you’re having. I'm not that hungry.” Cas replies moving towards the shower.

“Right, okay.” Dean says, retreating to the phone to order the food then  
collapsing onto the sofa with a groan.

Uuuuugh why is this so awkward? It should not be awkward. Why is he making this so awkward? Right, he just needs to act normal around Cas, like he would with Charlie. And he pointedly doesn't need to think about Cas in the shower. Nope.

He can do this. It's gonna be fine. Scratch that, it's going to be great! I mean Cas is awake... and here, with him. This is a better scenario than he ever imagined. Cas is here… with him.

By the time Cas walks into the living room, Dean is buzzing with optimism.

"Hey Cas, the food should be here... soon." He says, choking slightly at the sight of Cas' slightly damp hair and rosy pink cheeks, a small drip of water trailing down his neck.

"Okay," Cas says, biting his lip in an adorably sexy way and hovering slightly in the doorway, causing Dean to stare in awe for a few seconds before picking up the courage to speak.

"Right so I was thinking we could watch a film? So like Star Trek, Star Wars, I've got Inception and Avengers, well, all the marvel films...?" Dean asks.

"Um well I haven't seen any of those, so whichever is your favourite." Cas replies smiling at Dean's shocked face.

"Duuuude what!?" He exclaims, "Okay so we're gonna start with Star Wars because it's a classic okay?"

"Okay Dean, what's it about?" Cas asks, moving to sit next to Dean.

"It's like space and war and awesome." Dean says, with an excited grin all over his face.

Cas laughs at him, "Okay."

"You will love it I swear." Dean says.

The door goes and Dean gets up to get their food, both of them settling down to watch the film, Dean trying to contain his excitement at them, not wanting to look like a crazy fanboy… which he totally isn't guys jeez.

Once they are both done with their food, Cas takes the plates into the kitchen and returns to sit much closer to Dean than he had been before. Like, their knees were touching close. Scratch that, the whole side left side of his body was pressed up against Cas.

Dean freezes, his whole body tensing. Just as he’s about to relax, because lets face it, he is so on board with this, Cas moves away. He actually moves and puts a couple of inches between them… what?

Was it a mistake? Did he sit too close by accident and realise? Did he not want to sit next to Dean? Oh God, does he not want to be here? Why would he? All Dean's done is make it awkward and uncomfortable. Crap. This is not how it was meant to go at all. Why does he always mess things up? What did he do?

He looks over at Cas to see him looking straight back at him, eyes all nervous and worried and is that… dissapointed? Oh crap, now what has he done?

“Dean…” Cas says quietly and Dean has to turn the TV down just to hear the guy. “Do you want me here? I mean… everything you said in the hospital when I was in the coma, did you mean it? Because, I know this sounds stupid, but I really like you Dean, you make me feel safe and at home and I want to be as close to you as possible and when I am I feel like everything is okay. But if you don’t want that please don’t feel obligated.” Cas said desperately, looking down and avoiding Deans eyes at all cost, toying with the fabric of his top.

“Cas… I…” Dean starts, searching for the right words to reassure him.

Cas looks up at the pause, “What Dean? Its fine, I can go stay with Gabe, I can get an apartment… was it all a lie? Just to reassure me? Do you not want me now I’m actually here? Did you just like it because it wasn't really real!?” Cas shouts, tears forming in his eyes.

“Cas shut up!” Dean shouts at him, forcing Cas’ teary blue gaze onto him. “God you’re such an idiot.”

…Probably not the best thing to say Dean, crap, crap, crap, say more words quick.

“Of course I want you here, you utter dumb ass. And yes everything I said was true, I’m not doing this because I feel obligated or anything stupid like that. I frikin love you Cas okay, of course it wasn’t all to comfort you, I just didn’t know if you felt the same way and I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable here.” Dean finishes frustratedly.

Cas doesn’t reply, only leans forward and presses his lips to Deans tentatively, as if he’s still unsure if the feelings are returned.

Dean wraps his arms around Cas, deepening the kiss and stroking his back affectionately, tasting Cas’s tears mingling with their kiss. The both pull away for air and Dean gently wipes away the tears with his thumb before laughing slightly.

“Dude, how are we going to explain this to Sammy and Gabe.” Dean says with a massive grin.

“This is a rather odd situation, I mean you’re my soulmate and I’ve moved into your apartment, yet you haven't even taken me on a date.” he teases.

“Well Castiel, I hereby promise you we will have the most fantastic dates in our near future, and they will be the most amazing spectacular things you have ever done.” Dean promises smugly.

“Oh really?” Cas teases.

“You doubt me?” Dean teases back.

“Never.” Cas says sincerely, burying his head into Dean’s chest with a little huff of air, while Dean wraps his arms back around him, holding him tightly and chuckling, lets his own head drop on top of Cas’ unruly dark brown hair.

Slowly, they begin to fall asleep, wrapped up in each others warm embraces, with the faint lull of Star wars in the background.

Dean is just about to fall asleep when Cas whispers, “I love you too Dean.” sleepily into his chest, filling Dean with a warmth he’s never felt before and a deep sense that things are finally perfect. And with that he places a small kiss to Cas’ head and falls into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so a little angst but at least they kissed eh? eheheh. its coming close to an end, two/three chapters lest I think. Although I said that like 5 chapters ago :p tell me what you think, I love hearing your comments !!!


	20. Settling in...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank every single one of you who reads and comments ! and those who stick with this story, and those of you who are just giving it a go. You make my day :D

Cas wakes slowly, his back aching from the awkward position he slept in. He has a distinct feeling that he fell asleep on someone, and that confuses him seen as though there is a clear lack of someone underneath him.

He pulls himself upright and yawns, glancing around and wondering where exactly he is.

Ah that's it, he's at Dean's. Dean offered to let him stay here, and then they watched Star Wars? He thinks it was called Star Wars.

Then they had a fight, well more of a Cas screamed at Dean until Dean told him he was being an idiot. Which was an interesting and thoroughly embarrassing situation. And then... oh and then they kissed, and if it wasn't the most amazing thing Cas has ever done in his life.

He just feels safe, at home. He feels warm and fuzzy. He feels like everything is perfect and can only get better. All when he's in Dean’s arms, kissing him.

Speaking of Dean, where is he? Oh god, did he regret last night? Is that why he isn't here? Did he not want Cas? Has he run away to hide in shame? Has...

"Hey sleepy head. Finally awake I see." Deans voice fills the room and Cas looks up to see Dean at the doorway whisking some eggs.

Okay Castiel, calm, he didn't leave you, he just went to make breakfast. Everything's okay, everything's good, everything's actually... great.

"Mmmm." Cas groans.

"Not a morning person I see." Dean chuckles.

"Mmmm."

"Dude you are seriously rocking the hot sex hair look." Dean says a little wide eyed.

"I don't see how seeing that we haven't had intercourse." Cas mumbles making Dean laugh, the rich bubbling sound filling Cas with joy.

"Fine, fine. You look real sexy with bed hair." He smirks.

Cas blushes a deep beetroot colour and mumbles a "Thanks, you too." Before strengthening his voice and asking, "Do you need any help?"

"No I don't think so. Why don't you go freshen up. You can borrow some of my clothes if you want and we can go out and buy you some today?" Dean says, beginning to whisk the eggs again.

"Okay, that sounds good Dean." Cas says, giddy at spending the day with Dean. The fact that they're sharing an apartment and how much time they'll be around each other not quite sinking in yet.

He brushes his teeth and gets ready in a rush, only pausing at what to wear, eventuallygrabbing some jeans and a random T-shirt, throwing them on.

He walks back into the kitchen just in time to hear Dean curse loudly.

"Hey, you okay?" Cas says worriedly.

"Um... yeah I was just making more eggs cos I stupidly didn't make enough eggs and I kinda spilt then on my T-shirt." He says angrily.

Cas laughs at him as he makes an adorable frustrated face.

"Oh that's fine. You just stand there and laugh." He grumbles, causing Cas to laugh even harder.

Dean reached down and grabs the bottom of his shirt, whipping it off his head in a flash.

Cas takes in the sight of Deans chest, it looks like it's been sculpted by god himself, and his laugh dies in his throat.

Oh god. Lord help him. He just wants to run his hands down that chest. Jesus.

He swallows harshly.

Dean is still floundering around, looking for a place to put his shirt before he catches Cas' spaced out, drooling face, then the little son of a bitch smirks.

"Like what you see Cas?" Dean teases.

Cas is pretty sure he growls at Dean, but he can't can't be certain and he definitely doesn't have the time to think about it because the next thing he knows he's pressed up against Dean’s chest while their lips collide desperately.

Cas touches Dean’s hip tentatively but as Dean deepened the kiss he gains the courage to move his hands up across the muscles of Dean’s back, moaning into the kiss at the feel of the smooth, muscled skin beneath his fingertips.

They pull apart for air, Cas’s hands coming to rest on Dean's chest, their noses and foreheads touching as they breathe deeply. He moves his palms up and down Dean’s chest feeling the muscle and skin beneath them, it an almost inspective manner, before sliding down to his waist, fingers dipping beneath his trousers.

“Hey Cas, aren't we going a little fast?” Dean asks breathlessly.

“I was in a coma for months Dean. Get your hands on me now.” Cas says, voice barely a whisper but the command strong, before realising what he’s said and backing up slightly, “Unless you don’t want to...um...” he stutters turning red.

“Oh hell yes.” Dean replies, grabbing Cas by the hooks on his jeans and pulling him into his body, mouths connecting again in an even more passionate kiss.

They break away for air again and Dean moves to kiss Cas’ neck making him moan loudly, both moving in perfect sync with each other.

“Deeeean.” Cas says breathlessly, before a sudden knock at the door stuns both of them into shock, followed by a very Gabriel sounding voice shouting that he’s letting himself in.

“Dean.” Cas says again although this time its more of a ‘holy crap Dean what do we do?’ hiss.

Dean however just stares back at him, frozen with eyes wide. Oh great, that’s just great Dean. Cas thinks desperately.

It's only when Gabriel's head pops round the door that they realise they are both still stuck together, both jumping backwards out of each others arms in a rush.

"Um... well hey guuuuys." Gabriel says awkwardly, but with a huge smirk on his face. "Am I interrupting something?"

"No, no, I um, spilt egg on my shirt and... I'll go get another." Dean stutters, practically running out of the room leaving Cas to face Gabriel who is already laughing to himself.

"Spilt some eggs eh Cassie. I bet. Guessing you were just helping the poor guy remove his top then? You know, because of the eggs." Gabriel teases.

Cas glared at him. "He did actually spill the eggs."

"Of course lil' bro. Of course. Sooooo how's it going?" He asks, only a tad more serious.

"Good," Cas replies, a genuine smile forming on his face, "Great actually."

Gabriel huffs, "I can see that. By the way what's with... this?"

"What?" Castiel snaps defensively.

"You and Dean-o."

"Oh um." Cas stutters, desperately thinking of what to say. "I like him Gabe. He came a lot you know when I was in the hospital, and we get on great and yeah." He finishes lamely.

"Well you work fast don't you Cassie?" Gabriel teases yet again.

"Shut up. I like him okay?"

Gabriel's silent for a moment, contemplating before his face morphs into a serious expression. "You like him? Okay I get that. But what about him? I mean how do you know he thinks the same about you eh? How do you know he's looking for something serious? Which I'm guessing you are."

Because we're soul mates, Cas wants to shout, but stops himself, replying calmly with, "He came to see me nearly every day Gabe. Then he offers to let me stay here knowing I'm going to need help, that I'm going to have no money and no job and he's willing to help, plus you and Sam know him, do you think this is just a one night stand kind of thing for Dean?"

Gabriel sighs, "No, I get you. I guess I'm just worried. I mean I've just got you back and I don't want you to get hurt."

"Thank you Gabriel." Cas says sincerely. "But I'm happy with Dean."

"Cassie, dude, it's been a day." Gabriel says, slightly judgmental.

"It doesn't feel like it. I just know okay." He says grumpily.

"Okay kiddo. Whatever you say, I just want you to be happy. I mean, I guess you   
were always a little strange."

"I am happy." Cas says, choosing pointedly to ignore the last statement.

"Maybe you should leave it a few weeks before telling Sam, cos I mean this is a little strange Cassie. It's been a day. And you know I'm not judging! But maybe just leave it a few weeks okay?" Gabe says.

Cas frowns at him, as much as he doesn't want to admit it, what Gabe says does have some logic. Has it really only been a day? It feels like he's been with Dean for ages, it doesn't feel rushed or wrong? But then they have been talking for months. He guesses that from anyone else's perspective it does look really strange.

"Okay. Thanks Gabe." Cas says with a pout.

"It's okay lil bro. Jeeez why'd I get stuck with a crazy ass family eh?"

Cas glares at him. "Says the man who gets excited over sweets and sexual innuendos. I'd say you fit right in." He quips.

Gabriel narrows his eyes at him playfully, before Dean comes back into the room, cheeks slightly pink, highlighting his adorable freckles.

"Hey guys." He says.

"Hey Dean-o, I came to ask if you would be able to spare Cas for a while? Look over your accounts Cassie and see where we are with all that? Unless you want to rest a while?"

"Sure Gabe that sounds good, I don't want to rest, I've had enough of that." He says with a bitter laugh.

"Right kiddo, grab your jacket and off we shall go!" Gabe says with way to much enthusiasm, but then again it is Gabriel.

He smiles at Dean who smiles warmly back, his life is beginning to get back on track, and it's the best he's felt in a long long time.

~Dean~

Dean watches Cas go to get his jacket with a warm smile on his face. The man simply couldn't be any more perfect.

"Sooo. You and my brother." Gabe says, eyes narrowing in an attempt to look menacing.

"Yeah." Dean says tensely.

"If you ever hurt him, I will kill you. I don't care if you're Sam's brother, you hurt him and you will pay. He's serious about you so don't fuck it up." Gabe says, and damn.

When you have a guy that's smaller than you, who normally is joking and teasing, suddenly threatening you, you expect it to be funny, or a little amusing.

But no.

Nope, Dean definitely does not want to ever get on the wrong side of Gabriel... ever. His golden eyes practically sparkle with menace. As if daring Dean to hurt Cas just to see what he's capable of.

"I wouldn't." Dean says stiffly.

"Good." Gabriel replies as Cas comes in, looking between them questioning.

"See you later Dean." Gabriel says, back to his lively teasing self, not even a hint of the power he showed earlier.

"Yeah, bye. See you Cas." Dean says.

"Goodbye Dean." Cas says and Dean swears he sounds slightly reluctant to go, anyway, he smiles and leaves with Gabe, leaving Dean alone in his apartment once again.

It's about 5 minutes in the silence of the apartment that the full events of the morning crash into him.

Holy crap. Cas kissed him. He was topless and Cas kissed him and apparently one day after waking up from a coma isn't too soon. Who would have known? And can the guy get any more perfect? With his adorable grumpy morning voice and sex hair (totally more sexy than bed hair Cas.)

And how the hell is he so god damn sexy, with his gruff voice and hands rubbing against Dean. He honestly thought he had died and gone to heaven. That's it, Cas must be an angel, it's the only explanation. He never ever wants to let the man go!

He probably will leave eventually, Dean thinks, after he's spent some more time with him. But hey ho, he might as well make use of the time he has with the guy.

And from what he heard of Gabriel and Cas' conversation, Cas is pretty serious about them. Well Dean had hoped, with them being soul mates, that Cas would want to be with him, but now he's heard it from the man’s lips it puts a new perspective on the hope he has for their future.

And well, Gabriel's threat was useless because he would never ever want to hurt Cas, he's the best thing that's happened to Dean in like forever. Strange as it is, he can't imagine a life without him. Even though he's only been awake a day, he's been talking to the guy for months. He doesn't know, but he's just gonna blame it all on the fact they're soul mates or whatever.

He's gonna have to go shopping with Cas later. That will be interesting, he thinks, wondering what Cas will choose to wear. He laughs a little to himself at the thought.

He also wonders if anyone had called Balthazar or Anna? Surely they would want to know. He'll have to ask Cas when he gets back. Cos if Sammy was in hospital and had just gotten out Dean would be there in a flash, but then again Cas' family doesn't seem that close, what with Gabriel leaving and Lucifer and Michael not even coming to visit. Dean can't even wrap his head around that, why would you not want to see your little brother? Because of business!

It's only when the door opens that Dean realises he's spent the last few hours sat on the sofa doing absolutely fuck all.

"Hello Dean." Cas says, walking in with some shopping bags.

"Hey Cas, where've you been?" Dean asks.

"Oh, the accounts are going to take a few days to reactivate and stuff because of the time I've had off, so me and Gabriel went shopping. I brought dinner though, Gabriel said you like pie. So I got pie."

So Dean’s a little disappointed that they didn't get to go shopping… not that he likes shopping… at all, just some time to spend with Cas. Yeah Dean, keep telling yourself that.

“Dude, you bought pie. Are you an angel? Are you God?” Dean says instead, making Cas laugh.

“Not quite, want to put it in on plates while I put away the clothes?”

“Sure, what, do I not get a fashion show?” Dean snarks.

“Oh, I'm sorry. I was under the impression you would rather see me with clothes off than on.” Cas says voice going lower than humanly possible and winking before walking out, leaving Dean eyes wide and mouth open in shock. Its like Cas is purposely trying to kill him!

“Son of a bitch.” Dean mutters to himself before moving to get plates and pie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what you think? I'm gonna have only one/two more chapters at most because i think it may be dragging on a bit (i dont like endings :P ehe) please tell me what you think?


	21. Remember remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS I AM SO SORRY. so i told you this would be the last chapter ...... i may have had an idea and hence ALAS thus is not the last chapter. there will be a few more..... sorry. Tell me if you don't like or anything :)

The next few weeks pass smoothly, Cas gets access to his accounts and money, turns out the guy is loaded! Who knew? He also gets a job at a local book store, which he is now part-running and advertising for.

They haven't yet moved their relationship on from snuggles and sexy make out sessions. Which Dean kinda wants to do but doesn't want to rush Cas. Although he gets the feeling Cas wants to move on but doesn't want to rush Dean. Which is stupid but he doesn't want to take the chance in case he's wrong.

Dean's just finished his shift at the garage and is on his way home, it's Cas' half day so he should be home unless he's gone out somewhere, but then again he hasn't texted Dean.

"Cas?" He shouts into the apartment as he walks in. "I've missed you and you know, it would be totally cool of you to come and kiss me hello." Dean says.

However it's not Cas' face that comes round the corner but instead his little jerk face brother… damn it. Looks like he's gonna be having this conversation earlier than anticipated.

"So um... hey Dean." Sam says awkwardly.

"Hey." Dean replies, going slightly red.

"Um... you and Cas then."

"Um yeah." Dean replies, not really sure how to act, he goes for defensive. "Do you have a problem with that?"

"What?" Sam frowns. "No of course not! Man I'm happy for you! I mean you and Cas fit perfectly, he's a great guy. It's a little fast but then again how long have you been... this?" He asks, flapping his hands about.

"Not long." Dean lies.

Sam nods. "I'm happy you have each other, I mean you were pretty obviously in love with him from the start." Sam teases.

"Yeah whatever bitch. Where's Cas anyways?"

"Just popped out to get some milk I think. He said you would probably forget."

"He of little faith." Dean mutters.

"Yeah but did you get the milk?" Sam asks.

"... Shut up." Dean replies.

"Thought so. I'm gonna head off as this has been a sufficiently awkward conversation and I'll probably call you later."

Dean laughs at that. "Yeah okay Sammy."

It's only another 5 minutes before Cas comes back into the house, pint of milk in his hand and eyebrows raised in a smirk at Dean.

"Dude, I was totally gonna get it." Dean says with a whine.

"Dude I totally believe you." Cas teases back, voice badly imitating Deans making them both laugh.

Cas walks into the room after putting the milk away and collapses onto Deans chest in a huff.

"Hey." He says, grinning up at Dean.

"Hey yourself." Dean replies, leaning down to kiss Cas gently on the forehead, Cas humming in content.

"Um we need to talk." Dean says making Cas tense up against him. "Um no that sounded bad..." He stumbles, "I mean there's a few things I think we should talk about..."

"Dean, just tell me." Cas says with a nervous smile.

"Okay so, Sam came by today and he sorta now knows about us." Dean starts.

"What? What did he say?"

"Oh he's fine with it, glad we're happy and all that. Went really well actually."

"Oh that's good." Cas says, sighing in relief. "How did he find out?"

"Um..." Dean says going red. "I kinda came in and shouted that it would be awesome if you came and kissed me, but it wasn't you in here." He says quickly.

Cas laughs at that, his chest bouncing against Deans.

"Dude shut up, it was embarrassing as hell." Dean mutters, making Cas laugh even louder.

"That is just brilliant Dean." Cas says before calming himself down. "Anyway, I'm happy that all went well. What's the other thing?"

Dean looks down at Cas. He's been meaning to bring this up for a while but hasn't for several reasons. One because he's too selfish, two because he doesn't want anything to change and three because he doesn't want to upset Cas. But he can't just leave it. He needs to bring it up.

"Dean?" Cas questions the silence.

"Right, um, so. Do you not remember your life before still? Do you not remember what job you had or how you got into a coma?" He asks.

"No." Cas answers with a frown.

"Don't you think we should try and find this out?" Dean asks tentatively.

Cas is silent for a minute before frowning deeply. "What if I don't want to? What if I'm happy with this life I have? What if I don't want to remember my past before this? What if it sucks? What difference would it even make Dean to know what job I was in ?"

"Oh I don't know. Maybe you had a partner before and they are worried sick and probably think you're dead or something? Ever think of that?" Dean doesn't know why he's shouting, it's not like he wants Cas to go back to his old partner, god what is he doing?

"There isn't anyone Dean, it doesn't matter." Cas answers sharply.

"Of course it matters, they could be worried or…" Dean fades off to stare at Cas, who is now sat avoiding Deans eyes, arms wrapped protectively around his body and a frown on his face.

"You... you remember don't you?" Dean asks sharply, betrayal leaking into his voice.

Cas nods, still avoiding his eyes.

"What the hell Cas? How long have you remembered?" He shouts harshly making Cas flinch slightly.

"You know last week, when I didn't come home until late because I was sat in the park?"

Yeah, Dean remembers being worried sick and then Cas texting him to say he was gonna be in the park for a while. And then him being super quiet for the rest of the day...

"You've remembered since last week and you didn't tell me?" Dean says, hurt and angry.

Cas scowls at him. "Not everything is about you Dean. Have you even considered that it might fucking suck so bad I don't want to remember it and want to get on with my new, better life without having to think about it?"

Dean frowns back at Cas, slightly taken aback by the swearing that Cas hardly ever uses. "Well I wouldn't, no, because apparently you don't talk to me about these things. Which you know are pretty fucking important." Dean nearly shouts back, he knows he's being an insensitive dick but he can't help the crap that's coming out of his mouth.

"Okay Dean, so you want me to tell you? Okay I'll tell you. So I was working as a tax accountant and I was good at it. And you know what? No one liked me Dean ever. No one took an interest in me, I just did my job, which sucked ass by the way, and went home alone. Life sucked Dean. And then I met a guy called Alastair, and he took an interest in me, for the first time. And I was so happy okay, and we were together for about 3 weeks, and I was happy okay? I was happy someone liked me. But of course he didn't like me. I should have known..." Cas is on the verge of tearing up now.

"Cas I'm sorry, you don't have to..." Dean starts before Cas interrupts him.

"No Dean. No. You wanted to hear this so here it is. He never even liked me, all he wanted was my money. But the guy was a psycho. And I mean he was crazy. He drugged me with some shit that was meant to be some sort of truth serum, or that's what he believed it was. He wanted access codes to all my accounts. Of course it didn't work, so he tried another injection which paralysed me. Of course he realised that his plan wasn't working and loaded me into his car, complaining about someone called Azazel selling him faulty serums, and then shouting insults at me the whole way. How he never even liked me, and no one ever would and that I didn't deserve to be alive. I'm sure you're getting the point, he knew I could still hear him you see. Then he dumped me in the middle of a field and left me. Until I lost consciousness and didn't wake up. So maybe, just maybe, you can understand that when I remembered this last week I didn't come rushing to tell you. Because my life is great now Dean, it's so brilliantly perfect I didn't even want to think about before. I just wanted to be happy. But obviously that's not enough for you." Cas shouts at him, tears streaming down his eyes as he gets up and locks himself inside the bathroom leaving Dean in utter shock.

What. The. Utter. Fucking. Hell.

Actually what the hell, why would anyone do that to Cas? What psychotic man would do that? Oh god. He needs to sort this. He needs to sort this right now.

Still in a shocked haze he stumbles to the bathroom door.

"Cas." He says, "let me in man."

"Go away Dean." Castiel chokes out.

"No. I'm not. And do you know why? Because I love you. I'm so, so utterly sorry this happened to you okay? And I understand why you didn't want to tell me and I'm sorry for pushing you. But you have to realise I love you, I can help you through this if you just talk to me man. I seriously don't understand why no one took an interest in you because you're gorgeous, you're funny, you're sexy, and you're in general an amazing person. And this Alastair, I mean he's clearly bloody psychotic! Come on dude, just let me in okay?" Dean finished quietly.

A few tense seconds pass before the small click of the lock sounds as Cas collapses into Deans chest.

"Do you wanna go to our room?" Dean asks into Cas' hair and Cas nods into Deans chest sniffling slightly.

When they are snuggled, still fully clothed, under the covers, Dean finally speaks.

"You know everything he said was bullshit right? He was an utter psycho Cas. You didn't deserve that to happen to you at all, okay? You are perfect and if I could go back in time and stop that from happening I would. I'd swap places with you if I could." He says, closing his eyes as Cas presses even closer into him. Dean is surprised he can breathe with being pressed that close to him.

Cas mutters something that sounds like I love you, but Dean's not sure so he just presses his head into Cas.

"I swear to god Cas, I will find the person that did this to you and I will kill them."

"Don't." Cas mumbles.

"What?"

"I just want it to be over, I don't want anyone to know, can't we just pretend for once that everything is fine?" Cas says.

"Don't you wanna tell the police? I mean it's up to you Cas but he could be out there, hurting people." Dean says.

He doesn't want to upset Castiel more or make him think about it any more than he has to, but surely this is the right thing to do? This psycho Alastair guy could be doing the same thing to others as he did to Cas.

"I don't want to Dean. I just want it all to be over. I don't want to involve police and I never want to see him again." Cas says through small sobs, clutching Deans T-shirt. "I was fine before Dean, when I could pretend it wasn't happening. I was fine." He sobs.

"Hey, hey, shhhhh. It's gonna be okay Cas, you're out of the coma, your safe and with me, and I promise you will never ever have to meet him again, okay?"

"Okay." Cas replies weakly.

Dean decided to drop the matter for now, it's clear it's upsetting Cas a lot and he doesn't want to hurt him any more than he has.

~Castiel~

Castiel wakes to the feel of strong arms around him, making him feel safe and warm, Dean he thinks. It's strange how over the past few weeks he's begun to associate safety and warmth with Dean.

But then again he remembers sobbing into Deans chest over Alastair. God that hit him like a brick when he suddenly remembered, I mean how could he tell Dean. He might not want him any more or go to the police or... there was a long list of horrifying possibilities that his mind had conjured up.

But the reality had been so, so much different. Dean hadn't pushed him away, hadn't excessively questioned him, hadn't gone off in a rage, but instead was exactly what Cas needed.

It had been easy over the last week to push the thoughts away and focus on the present, on his life with Dean, on a job that he actually really enjoys. But really he needed to tell someone, he needed to cry on someone's shoulder and open up to them. To be soothed and comforted by someone. And Dean was that perfect someone.

Sure he'd brought up talking to the police, which Cas definitely didn't want to do. Nope... he didn't... but Dean did have a good point. If he didn't report Alastair then he could be out there, free and hurting people, ruining their entire lives. And it would be his fault. Another layer of guilt added on.

But for once, just once in his life he wants to be totally and utterly selfish. To stay here in this perfect little bubble with Dean and not worry about his past.

"Morning." Dean grumbles, voice low and rough, bringing him out of his thoughts.

"How did you know I was awake?" Cas asks.

"You weren't doing the little huffs you do when you sleep." Dean answers as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"I don't huff!" Cas exclaims.

"Oh you totally do. It's so adorable." Dean states, rolling onto his back and stretching out his arms.

"Whatever, it's creepy that you observed that much detail about my sleeping patterns." Cas states with no real menace.

"Yeah well you're creepy." Dean replies lamely, making Cas laugh.

"We need to get up." Cas says, making no effort to move.

"Or, you know, we could just not. It is a Sunday." Dean mutters grumpily.

"I'll make you breakfast." Cas states.

"You cannot bribe the Dean into getting up."

"The Dean really? You refer to yourself in third person now?" Cas laughs.

"The Dean does what he wants."

"Okay but The Dean should know that if he doesn't get up in the next 10 minutes then I will cook breakfast solely for myself and leave him none."

Dean gives Cas a scandalous look. "You wouldn't."

"I would." He replies, walking out of their bedroom with a huge smile on his face. He loves days like this, the easy fun talk that happens between him and Dean, waking up with somebody. It's the best feeling in the world.

It's only around five minutes later that a uncoordinated Dean stumbles into the kitchen. Cas smiles and hands him the cup of coffee he's made before picking up his own.

He wonders if Alastair does this with people before he ruins their lives. He wonders how he can sit here and let that happen. How can he be so selfish? He can't, he has to tell someone, he has to...

"Cas, are you okay?" Dean asks.

"Yeah." He replies, sipping his coffee.

"No you're not. You had your sad frowny face on. What's up? Is this about last night?" Dean asks cautiously, Cas appreciates that Dean doesn't want to upset him but then again he doesn't need to be spoon fed. He can handle stuff like this... he can. He's going to have to if he wants to tell the police.

"I... I don't know what to do Dean. I should tell the police right? That's the right thing to do, yes?" Cas stumbles out.

"Yeah Cas, I think it is. We can make it as quick as possible for you and I'll be there for you every step of the way, I promise. We need to get this son of a bitch behind bars." Dean practically growls the last sentence.

"I... I would like that." Cas says, "Do you think we should go today or..." He trails off, biting his lip nervously.

"I was thinking we could have a movie day, go to the park, eat some ice cream, relax and deal with it all tomorrow. But if you would rather just get it all out of the way then I'm good with that." Dean offers.

"I think... I want to just get it over and done with." Cas sighs.

"Okay that's cool. How about we both take the day off tomorrow to chill, I have a feeling we'll need it." Dean offers again.

"That would be great Dean thank you. I love you so much." He says pressing his lips to Deans.

"I love you too, Cas. We're gonna get through this okay? Together."

"Together," Cas repeats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, here i go... continuing the story :P it wont be excessively longer, just a bit more than i anticipated, tell me what you think? like/dislike???


	22. When everything works out just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a little late ! ive been ill and then had a huge geog project :( but excuses exshmuses here it is :P hope you like

Dean waits nervously for Cas for to come out, it's been nearly all day, filling paperwork out, interviews and all the other shit that the police need to do to help catch Alastair.

They say they will probably need to call him back in to confirm and testify things or whatever, but due to the nature of things they have said he won't have to be directly involved if they can help it. Which is good, Dean thinks.

It's another half an hour before Cas comes out looking tired and drained, practically collapsing into Dean with a sigh.

"We can go now, everything's done." Cas says, exhausted.

"Great. Let's go home, are they gonna let you know or…?" Dean asks.

"They said they would ring when they have any information."

"Right, that's good. How you feeling?"

Cas leans into him, "I just want to go home Dean." He says, burying his face into Dean's chest.

“Okay, let's get going.” Dean replies.

Later when they are snuggled together on the couch, Dean presses his lips to Cas’ forehead and whispers, “I'm really proud of you, you know. It takes a lot of courage to do what you did today. I love you Cas, I love you so much.”

Cas huffs into Dean’s chest. “I love you too.”

A few second pass before Cas whispers, almost too quietly for Dean to hear, “I don’t know why you do it.”

“Do what?” Dean replies.

“Put up with me.” Cas replies, face still hidden in Dean’s t-shirt. “I mean first you didn't even know if I was going to survive, then without even knowing me you let me me into your home and now I'm bringing you down with all this crap. You deserve someone better Dean, you're an amazing man, and… and I'm not.” Cas finishes weakly making Dean frown at him.

“Hey. You know that's a load of bullshit Cas. I love you and I think you're great and brilliant and, hell its ME who doesn't deserve you! I don't want you to think like that because I love you and you are everything to me. Okay?” Dean says, groaning at his inability to portray feelings with words… what does Sam call him? Emotionally constipated. He doesn't even know. Instead he leans down and captures Cas’ lips in his, trying to get across everything he feels.

It must work because when he pulls away Cas is looking up at him with the biggest, bluest eyes ever and damn that is so hot. Wait no, stop, this is not the appropriate time or place at all Dean, no.

But then Cas goes a step further and bites his bloody lip. Is he trying to kill Dean or what? Jeeeez.

“How are you even real?” Cas says and Dean nearly chokes.

“How are you real Cas?” He says, voice considerably lower and gruffer.

Cas moves, swinging his leg to the other side of Dean and is about to straddle him when the phone rings,causing him to jump, falling backwards onto the floor with a loud squeak. Dean, however, instead of helping him up like a good boyfriend, sits back laughing his head off as Cas glares up at him.

“Oh my God Cas, that was brilliant.”

“Shut up Dean and answer the phone.” He hisses.

Dean laughs again before jumping up and doing a small jog to the phone.

He frowns into the receiver.

“Yeah I'll put him on for you.” He says, handing the phone over to Cas and mouthing ‘The cops’ at him.

Cas takes the phone and sits back down on the couch. Dean thinks it's best to leave him to do this alone so he walks into the kitchen aimlessly, tidying a few things around nervously, waiting for the verdict from Cas.

He doesn't have to wait long before he hears the “Thank you for everything officer.” and a second later a call of “Dean?”

He walks up to Cas who embraces him in a hug, wrapping his arms around him tightly and fists clenching into Deans shirt. “So…” Dean prompts, not wanting to push Cas but also needing to know what's happening.

“A... Alas… he's in prison Dean. They caught him a few months back, not long after… you know. He had murdered two other people along with multiple other crimes. So… it's all over Dean, they have him locked away… it's over.” Cas says happily.

“Oh thank God.” Dean says, pulling Cas even closer into him. “So we don't have to do anything at all now?”

“No,” Cas replies, “Although I could do with some sleep.”

“Okay,” Dean says, quickly picking Cas up and carrying him in his arms.

“Dean I'm not… I'm not a girl.” Cas says but he's grinning like a maniac.

“Really? I did not know that.” Dean says sarcastically, causing Cas to huff out.

“Is this making you feel manly?” Cas deadpans.

Dean glares playfully down at him and throws him onto the bed, Cas making a high pitched squeal as he goes down making Dean laugh even more.

“Don't say a single word Dean Winchester.” Cas glares, trying very hard not to laugh himself and appear sinister in his threat.

“Okay babe, whatever you say." Dean says winking seductively before flopping down onto the bed on top of Cas.

"Uuuff. Dean." Cas groans. "Get off me you oaf."

Dean sniggers but rolls onto his side, looking down at Cas' grumpy face before smiling warmly and leaning down to kiss his lips, touching them faintly before sitting back up and smiling at the now happy and contented look on his face.

"Dean why is the universe so unfair?" Cas suddenly asks.

"What's so unfair?" Dean asks in return.

"Well right now you look utterly gorgeous, with your freckles and hair, I want you. I mean I WANT you Dean..."

Dean smirks cockily, oh yeah he's totally about to get some.

"...But I also really want sleep." He finishes turning over and burying his head in the pillows.

Wait... what?

No, no, no, that was not how that sentence should have ended. The little tease.

"What?" He says, voice deeper from anticipation.

"Sleeeep." Cas says, muffling his words into the pillow.

"Really?" Dean asks.

"Really." Cas replies and Dean swears the little ass is laughing into his   
pillow.

"Fine. You little tease." Dean says getting up to switch the light off, and yup Cas is definitely laughing now.

"Your loss my friend." Dean says as he slips back into bed.

Time passes slowly as Dean starts to drift off to sleep, but he doesn't miss the way Cas mutters sleepily, "I love you." And that's all that matters. Suddenly this whole day of utter crap has been worth it because Cas loves him, and Dean loves him back.

~Castiel~

Cas wakes groggily, stumbling out of bed to the bathroom. It's 7am, a little early to be getting up, but meh, he's already up now. He walks back into the bedroom and looks at Dean, so peaceful, so innocent when sleeping. He's gorgeous. He truly is.

Cas smiles and walks to the kitchen, intending to make breakfast for Dean.

He doesn't want to think about Alastair anymore, it's done, it's over. He wants to forget it and move on. He knows he’s not going to be able to forget it but he can at least try to. Today is the day he moves on, the day he can not worry and just be okay and happy with Dean. Today is the start of his new life, and he's going to start it with some God damn brilliant scrambled eggs.

Cas smiles as he cooks, wondering if he should wake Dean up or just hope the lazy ass gets his butt out of bed. He wonders if Dean will notice that he's not in bed with him and come looking for him. It's idealistic he knows but then again Dean himself is very ideal and he's real… or at least Cas thinks he is.

He's nearly finished the breakfast and is about to go get Dean when the man himself stumbles into the kitchen.

“I smell bacon.” He grumbles tiredly.

Okay so not quite the idyllic response he was hoping for but hey he'll go with what he can get.

“Yes, I got up a little early so decided to make breakfast.” Cas answers.

“God Cas, you are a saint. I like you.”

Cas huffs out a laugh, “I should hope so Dean.”

After breakfast Cas suggests they go for a walk to the park, he wants to spend time with Dean, to eat ice cream and be like a normal couple now that everything has a bit of normality back.

“Yeah, but why?” Dean says.

“Um…” Cas replies, expecting Dean to just have said yes. “Because it will be nice.”

“Yeah but, effort.” Dean replies and Cas sighs.

“Come on Dean, please?” Cas says, putting his best puppy dog eyes on. “If not I'll just… go alone.”

“Fine, fine, let's go,” Dean says giving into Cas with a small smile forming on his face.

They walk slowly, Dean talking about how the garage is getting busier and Cas discussing how he'd like to try his hand at art, which Dean rudely laughs at.

“Um, how do you know I wont be amazing?” Cas states.

“Oh I’m sure you're the next Picasso.” Dean teases.

“That's fine Dean, I'm sure I can find another guy who will be happy to be my life model.” Cas teases back.

“Wait what now? Life model, as in you want to draw someone naked?” Dean asked eyes wide and Cas nearly started laughing at the shocked look on his face, instead he bit his lip, leaning into Dean and whispering into his ear, “I want to draw you naked.” In the deepest voice he can, leaning back to see Dean, eyes wide, lips parted, cheeks red and breathing heavily.

He laughs at Dean, grabbing his arm and walking forward, “Come on Dean, we're not even half way to the park!”

Dean clears his throat, “Um… yeah. Damn Cas, you can't do that to me in public.”

Cas smirks, “I'm sorry Dean.” He says although he's totally not sorry.

Dean eyes him suspiciously but keeps walking without comment. They eventually get to the park, sitting down on a bench to watch the ducks swimming in the water.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Dean asks quietly.

“About what?” Cas asks, although he knows exactly what Dean is referring to.

“Everything that's happened over the last few days? With Alastair?”

Cas is silent for a few minutes and Dean gently puts his hand on Cas’ knee to comfort him.

“I… I don't really want to talk about it Dean, for me this is it. It's over, it was all in the past and I know I'm never going to forget it but I… I would like to try. I want to move on, and start again… with you.” Cas says quietly, he'd expected Dean to ask him this but he hadn't planned out his reply, which in hindsight would have been a good move.

“Okay Cas, that's okay. I just want you to know that I am here for you, whenever, wherever, if you want to talk.” Dean says gently.

Well, Cas wasn't quite expecting that response but once again Dean is being his perfect self, he leans forward and presses a small kiss on Dean's cold lips.

“I love you. Let's go get ice cream.” He whispers against Dean's lips.

“Love you too, and okay.” Dean replies, but neither move for the next few minutes, foreheads resting against each other, warm breath mingling and the small press of their lips is enough for them to forget where they are, focusing simply on each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was basically just fluff :P you like ?


	23. A new chapter ...

Over 6 months have passed since him and Dean started their new life together, since he learnt Alastair is safely locked away in prison, and things couldn't get any more perfect. Well of course they have their fair share of arguments and let's face it, Dean can be a real assbutt when he wants to be, but Cas finds he likes their fights. They make it all real, nothing is ever perfectly perfect, but him and Dean, they fit, they work, and it's brilliant. Cas can't imagine a life without Dean now.

All that being said, Dean is acting really strange latel, and Cas doesn't know what to make of it. He's distant, acts uncomfortable around him, and acts like he's hiding something. Cas doesn't like it, not one bit.

It's been going on for about two weeks now and Cas is getting extremely nervous, to the point where he's currently waiting for Gabriel to pick up the phone so he can express his worries.

“GABRIEL!” He shouts as Gabe picks up the phone.

“Oh my God what?” Gabe says worriedly.

“I think Dean is going to break up with me!” Cas says quickly.

“Wait... what?”

“Dean. He's going to break up with me.” Cas says desperately.

“What? Why would he do that? What gave you that impression?” Gabriel asks in confusion.

“He acts nervously around me, its like he's hiding something, it's clear he's just waiting for the right time to tell me.” Cas splurts out.

Gabriel chuckles, “Cassie I can assure you that he's not going to break up with you.”

“You don't know that.” Cas snaps back.

“I do, now listen to me like a good little brother and everything will be fine.” Gabriel says.

“I don't know why I called you.” Cas says defeatedly.

“Trust me Cassie.”

“Okay,” He finishes hanging up on Gabriel, picking up his coat and heading off to work, still not believing Gabe, and still extremely nervous and upset.

~Dean~

“Sammy!” Dean shouts desperately into the phone.

“What?” Sam sighs.

“I can't do this.”

“I can't.”

“Oh for God's sake Dean man up.” Sam sighs again.

“But what if he reacts badly to it, what if he doesn't want this? What if he wants things to just stay the way they are? What if he doesn't like the…” Dean starts but Sam cuts him off.

“Dean, you need to stop worrying. I get that you're going to be nervous but this is just stupid, it's going to go well and it will be fine, okay? You can't back out anyways, we've already planned it all okay just… stay calm.” Sam says reassuringly.

“I dunno Sam I mean… Sam… Sammy… Sam?” Dean stares down at the phone in shock that Sam has just hung up on him. He can't hang up on him in his time of need. Oh God it's tomorrow. He's going to do it tomorrow, he needs to calm. Oh God.

~Cas~

Cas watches Dean leave hastily in the morning with a quick shouted bye before he's out the door leaving Cas with a sad frown on his face.

“Bye… I love you,” Cas says into the empty apartment, voice barely above a whisper.

The rest of the day follows in a bleak sort of way, he finishes his work early and walks back home, not wanting to bother Dean with having to pick him up.

He's about to start dinner for them both when the phone rings, Cas sighs and goes to answer it.

“Hey, Cas.” Sam says from the other end.

“Oh, hello Sam.”

“So, it's been what 7 or 8 months since you woke up right?” He asks.

“Um… yeah, why?” Cas asks back.

“Would it be okay if you came in for a quick check up? Nothing bad, just you know, sometimes these things have side effects that kick in later. I can fit you in now if you come down.” Sam says.

“Um… okay, I'm not really doing anything anyways.” He says thinking about the dinner he was going to cook for him and Dean, in an attempt to try and fix whatever was going on with them.

“Great I'll see you in 10.” Sam says hanging up.

Great. Just what he wanted to do with his evening. He picks up his mobile and calls Dean… who doesn't answer. Brilliant. He sends him a text to say where he's going, if Dean even cares anymore, and grabs his wallet and calls a taxi.

The drive to the hospital seems to take forever, but in reality its only 10 minutes before Cas is stood in front of Sam.

“Oh hey Cas, do you want to go to your room? You know the one you were in whilst in the coma? I'll come meet you in a few minutes.” Sam says, a small smile on his face.

“Sure.” Cas says, frowning at the unusual situation, but goes over to his old room anyway.

However when he opens the door, the scene before him is nothing he could ever have ever imagined.

The room is dark but lit up by candles placed around the room, there are white flowers on the table beside the bed and in the middle of it all stands Dean, who is moving down onto one knee. Shit, shit, shit this isn't happening, oh God. He can't breathe.

“Castiel,” Dean starts and Cas wants to start crying when he brings out the ring. “From the moment I first saw you, right here in this room, there was something about you that made me want to stay with you. And Cas, I never ever want to let you go. I love you and… oh crap there was something before that bit… shit… um. Fuck it, Cas will you marry me?” Dean finishes nervously.

Cas laughs, tears escaping his eyes, “Yes Dean, yes I will marry you.”

Dean doesn't seem to acknowledge this though and keeps talking nervously, “I mean I know this isn't the most romantic of places, but it was where we first met and it seemed nice, oh God.”

“Dean,” Cas laughed, pulling the man up into a kiss, his tears making this kiss salty but neither of them minding.

“You said yes?” Dean said as they pulled apart.

“Of course I did, I love you, so so much Dean.” Cas answered and Dean grinned like he'd just won the moon, moving to slip a simple gold ring onto Cas’ finger and Cas falls silent at it.

“Do you… do you like it? I mean I can get another…”

“Dean I love it. I love you.” Cas says, kissing him again.

“I know it's a little soon but I just want to be with you forever Cas and…”

“I know Dean, me too.” Cas answers before laughing, “I thought you were going to break up with me.”

“What?” Dean says in disbelief.

“Well you were acting all nervous and hiding things and avoiding me and I thought you were going to break up with me.” Cas says.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry. I guess you got the opposite though, I mean you're kinda stuck with me for life.” Dean states.

“I’m so very glad I was wrong, Winchester.” Cas states leaning in to kiss Dean.

Cas has never been as happy as this in his whole life and by the way Dean is smiling up at him, neither has he.

They hug so tightly it's a wonder either of them can breathe, and they know whatever happens, they will be okay, because they have each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dont like endings. Writing is hard :(
> 
> Hey, so I would like to thank every single one of you who has read this and every one of you who has read on until the very end and all those who have stuck with it all this time. Ive had so much fun writing this and would also like to thank my friend who checks all my chapters and all the people who have helped me when i was stuck. I hoped you liked reading it as much as i liked writing it ;) 
> 
> So this is the end. 
> 
> Please let me know what you thought of the ending and of the story as a whole??? I would love you forever if you did. Constructive criticism is also welcome.
> 
> Thank you again, love you guys !


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